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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23560681">Quarantine?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/raging_fire/pseuds/raging_fire'>raging_fire</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bickering, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Humor, Living Together, Oblivious Nesta Archeron, Pining Cassian, Slow Burn, quarantine &amp; chill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:33:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>47,309</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23560681</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/raging_fire/pseuds/raging_fire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the current worldwide crisis. At least Nesta has some fun in this.</p>
<p>Stuck in her apartment during the quarantine, Nesta's initial excitement fades once she realises how bored and lonely she is. Her younger sister, who's quarantined with her boyfriend and his brothers, lets it slip to one of them -- the most obnoxious one -- that she is going out of her mind.</p>
<p>So Cassian decides to move in with her during this period, eager to drive her completely out of her mind.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Nesta Archeron/Cassian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>156</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>387</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Moving in</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I couldn't possibly pass up this great opportunity to write another AU of these two stuck together in a house, could I? This is probably the most fun I've had in this quarantine. Hope everyone is safe and healthy! xx</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This was driving her mad. She was close to losing whatever remained of her already fucked up mind. She wanted to go <em>home.</em></p><p> </p><p>Two weeks in quarantine and Nesta was willing to get that damned virus if only to get the chance to walk around the block and stretch her legs. She had been cooped up in her flat for what seemed like forever, alone and absolutely miserable. The first week was fun, actually — she read and cooked and laughed to Vine compilations of people falling on Youtube and even wrote a thing or two in her notebook — but she also needed fresh air. Actually walking in the sun, not in her apartment, which she managed to convince herself that was haunted (she also watched a couple of scary stories on Youtube. She's not proud of locking her bedroom door every night and sleeping with the lights on). Last time she went out was when, three days ago? And only to the shop which was not even ten meters away from her building, because <em>of course </em>she had to find an apartment close to a shop because back then she was a <em>lazy fuck</em>. Oh, if only she could walk all the way to the city centre, she would.</p><p> </p><p>The second week she began deep-cleaning the entire apartment and binge-watching her favourite movies and TV series. She was already on the fifth season of Grey's Anatomy, which was definitely not healthy. Almost all of her quarantine snacks were gone and she was in no mood to cook anymore. All she wanted was something exciting to do!</p><p> </p><p>Her sisters, the smart ducklings that they were, left before lockdown. Nesta, the stubborn brat that she was, didn't think the situation would become <em>this </em>dire in such a short period of time. Thus being said, Feyre quarantined with Rhysand (Nesta refused to even FaceTime her because she would be willing to bet her favourite book that they were naked all the time) and Elain was back home with their dad. She missed her old room.</p><p> </p><p>Why did she even decide to go to college and move out? Now she deeply regretted that choice.</p><p> </p><p>They all went to the same college. Nesta was in her third year, Elain in her second and Feyre in her first. That's where he met Rhysand — she was dating a half-wit with a weird name (Tolin? Tammy? Teroy? Sounded like a street name honestly) that proved to be a douchebag and darling Rhysand punched him during a seminar. Thank capitalism that he was a rich boy with an important mother, otherwise he would've been kicked out long ago.</p><p> </p><p>Feyre was studying Fine Arts (no surprise), Elain was studying Zoology and Environmental Sciences and Nesta was finishing up her course in Law. At first she studied English Lit, but after a semester she realised that she needed a challenge, a place where she could rage and fight with people and not be called "hysterical" and "deeply troubled". Needless to say, Nesta was top of her class. Whenever there was a mock trial and she argued her case, the other lawyer would almost always cower. She loved it. She had a very well paid internship which allowed her to pay rent for this apartment — a bit big for one person, but she loved open spaces — and not rely so much on her father.</p><p> </p><p>An incoming call interrupted her episode of Grey's — Feyre. Jesus Christ.</p><p> </p><p>"What?" she said into the phone, stuffing her face with popcorn. Fuck, it was the last bag.</p><p> </p><p>"Nesta! How are you? Are you going out of your mind yet?" she almost screamed into the phone.</p><p> </p><p>God, her chirpy voice was distressing. "Yes. I'm half-tempted to throw the toaster in the tub just so I can<em> feel</em> something. I even made friends with a spider in the corner of my living room."</p><p> </p><p>"Oh," she said, her voice deflated. "I'm sorry, Nes. I really am. I wish I was there to keep you company."</p><p> </p><p>Nesta preferred the company of that quiet spider over her cheerful sister, but she didn't say that. She wanted to pick a fight, but not with her sister. At least not<em> this </em>one.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe she'd give Elain a call later, she borrowed some clothes from her ages ago and still hasn't returned them.</p><p> </p><p>"It's okay, don't worry. I'll survive. I'm running out of snacks, so at least I'll have an excuse to leave the house for five minutes."</p><p> </p><p>"Wear gloves!"</p><p> </p><p>"I know."</p><p> </p><p>"And the mask! Don't forget the mask!"</p><p> </p><p>Nesta rolled her eyes. "Yes, Feyre, I know. How are you?"</p><p> </p><p>"I'm... well, I'm okay. I miss going out. I can't believe I actually miss going to my lectures."</p><p> </p><p>Nesta didn't bother pointing out that she was currently in a <em>mansion</em> with her boyfriend. Feyre was already trying to play bored just for her sake.</p><p> </p><p>"Do you— oh for fuck's sake Cassian, go away! Yes, I'm talking to my sister!"</p><p> </p><p>She heard a very loud <em>"which one?"</em> and the splashing of water. They were probably in the pool.</p><p> </p><p>Nesta groaned. <em>Of course</em> they were in the pool. She forgot that Rhysand's adoptive brothers would probably choose to stay there as well, since the house was huge.</p><p> </p><p>"Nesta!"</p><p> </p><p>"Don't tell him it's me," they said at the same time, and Feyre winced. Nesta groaned again and hit her head with the remote. "Please don't put him on the phone. I'm not <em>that </em>lonely."</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, he's heading this way. Look, I promise to FaceTime you in a bit and you <em>will</em> answer me this time. I'll be fully dress, I promise you," she said hurriedly.</p><p> </p><p><em>"Give me the phone, she's been dodging my calls and texts for days!"</em> she heard a masculine voice on the other end and her chest tightened.</p><p> </p><p><em>Don't you fucking dare,</em> she chided herself.</p><p> </p><p>"Cassian, she doesn't want to speak to you!" she yelled, then asked her in a softer voice, "You sure you don't wanna speak with him? I mean he's been asking daily about you..."</p><p> </p><p>"I'm going to hang up," she said.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay, okay, fine! I love you! Cassian, get the--" the call got interrupted.</p><p> </p><p>Terrific.</p><p> </p><p>Nesta hit play on the remote and continued to watch Grey's, pretending that her heart didn't speed up at the possibility of speaking with Cassian.</p><p> </p><p>She could, of course. She could deign to answer to his texts and calls, but to what end? She wasn't looking for a friends with benefits or a one-night-stand, which was probably what he was looking for.</p><p> </p><p>But Cassian was <em>relentless.</em></p><p> </p><p>She knew him for what now, a year? Probably a year. They met at one of Rhysand's party (she came with Feyre) and he was drunk and tried to hit on her. Nesta kneed him in the balls and ignored him for the rest of the night. Cassian thought that was a good start for their relationship, so he has been pursuing her ever since.</p><p> </p><p>The boy was a bit out of his mind, honestly, but a part of her enjoyed this game of theirs. They bickered each time they met (which she kept to a minimum) and he shamelessly flirted with her and she threatened to hurt him. Cassian pretended he wanted more. Nesta pretended she didn't want anything.</p><p> </p><p>It was a painful game, sometimes. She didn't know why she kept playing.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Loud banging woke Nesta up from her nap.</p><p> </p><p>Disoriented and confused, Nesta looked around her, thinking that she imagined it — she fell asleep on her couch, a hand in her popcorn bag and Grey's still playing in the background. It was dark outside.</p><p> </p><p>What was she dreaming about?</p><p> </p><p>Someone banged on her door again, making her sit upright.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Not a dream, then.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Who the hell was at the door? A neighbour, maybe? No, it couldn't be. They would never knock so loud.</p><p> </p><p>She sat up, ready to dial 911, when the voice of the Devil himself spoke:</p><p> </p><p>"Don't even pretend you're not home, sweetheart, we're on lockdown. Open up, I almost got caught by the police! <em>Twice!"</em></p><p> </p><p>"What the fuck..." she mumbled, walking to the door. A part of her was scared to open it.</p><p> </p><p>Cassian knocked again. <em>Louder.</em></p><p> </p><p>"Nesta! Quit playing, open the door! I can't leave now!"</p><p> </p><p>She groaned, cursing the universe for hating her so much, and opened the door.</p><p> </p><p>Cassian's face erupted in a big, goofy smile as his eyes met hers. A protection mask was hanging around one of his ears.</p><p> </p><p>"Nesta! I missed your sour face!"</p><p> </p><p>Nesta sighed. "What the hell are you doing here, Cassian? How did you even <em>get</em> here?"</p><p> </p><p>He pushed past her and walked right inside, grocery bags in both hands and a large duffel bag on his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>"Feyre told me you were lonely and desperate for company, so being the gentleman and sacrificing type of guy, I volunteered," he said while setting the bags on the floor, then took off his surgical gloves and threw them straight in the bin. "As for how I got here," he said as he walked into her bathroom and started washing his hands, "I said I was moving to my extremely ill and extremely old grandma, because I'm her only nephew willing to put himself out there to make sure she has everything she needs during this horrible period. The cops almost teared up, but they made me write this statement with the address and everything so they can check up and make sure I'm not out on the streets again."</p><p> </p><p>Nesta followed him quietly, hands crossed over her chest, not sure if she should start screaming yet.</p><p> </p><p>5 seconds. 10. 20. 30. At least he was being thorough with his hygiene.</p><p> </p><p>When he also realised how <em>unusually</em> quiet she was, Cassian glanced over at her.</p><p> </p><p>"Are you feeling okay? You look a bit pale, Nes."</p><p> </p><p>"You lied to the police?"</p><p> </p><p>Cassian blinked, as if in a daze. "Well, yes. I'd say there's a first time for everything, but this is definitely not a first for me."</p><p> </p><p>He dried his hands and walked out of the bathroom, picking the bags from the floor and setting them on the counter.</p><p> </p><p>"You told them you were going to stay here?"</p><p> </p><p>"Yes. See, that's technically <em>not </em>a lie, because I <em>am</em> currently staying here."</p><p> </p><p>Silence.</p><p> </p><p>There was so much silence in her head.</p><p> </p><p>Cassian glanced at her again, concern blooming in those hazel eyes. "Are you sure you're okay? You're uncharacteristically quiet, sweetheart."</p><p> </p><p>"Why."</p><p> </p><p>"Why what?"</p><p> </p><p>"Why are you staying here?" she asked as calmly as she could, though she was close to exploding.</p><p> </p><p>Cassian furrowed his brows, and then— a smile.</p><p> </p><p>Nesta saw red before her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>‘I told you, your sister said you were lonely. And running out of snacks, so I brought you your favourites.’</p><p> </p><p>A bit of that red faded when he pulled out four — fucking <em>four</em> — tubs of Ben &amp; Jerry's.</p><p> </p><p>"And frankly, so was I, so who else could I bother if not my favourite person in the whole wide world?"</p><p> </p><p>"You're actually planning on staying here."</p><p> </p><p>"Yes."</p><p> </p><p>"With me."</p><p> </p><p>"Finally," he sighed.</p><p> </p><p>"Which means I have to spend time with you."</p><p> </p><p>"That's the point."</p><p> </p><p>"And interact with you. And share space with you. And see you. Oh God, you're a guy, guys don't even wear clothes when they're inside. And you're also a loud guy. And you have no sense of personal space as well, which means I have to be on my guard every single minute. I'm not even sure where I put my bathroom key, because I certainly don't trust you not to walk in on me while I take a bath or even pee. I can't even sleep in my underwear anymore or sing or dance--"</p><p> </p><p>"Please, <em>please </em>feel free to do any of the last things you mentioned."</p><p> </p><p>Nesta was ranting. She was thinking out loud, and Cassian was so amused that he could hardly keep himself from laughing. She knew her face betrayed her emotions — pure shock and realisation — and there was nothing she could do about the whole situation.</p><p> </p><p>She was stuck with him.</p><p> </p><p>Her phone rang. She numbly picked it up from the couch while Cassian was trying very hard not to laugh.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes?"</p><p> </p><p>"Nesta!" Feyre almost yelled, her tone unusually worried. "Um... T-There's a situation... Rhys told me Cassian just left to see you. I swear I had no idea, I will call him now and tell him to come back, I swear!"</p><p> </p><p>She looked blankly at Cassian, who already hooked his phone to her speakers and started playing an obnoxious song while taking out the groceries and stuffing her fridge.</p><p> </p><p>"It might be a bit late now."</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>"Okay, we need to set out some rules."</p><p> </p><p>Cassian looked at her as if she was crazy. She was.</p><p> </p><p>They were sitting face-to-face at the kitchen bar, a pen and notepad in front of Nesta.</p><p> </p><p>"Now I know you don't really understand the notion of 'rules', so let me put it this way: you break any of the things I'm going to write down on this paper and I will personally call the police and tell them you lied in the statement."</p><p> </p><p>"Not even <em>you're </em>that cruel. Do you wish to see me in prison because I desperately wanted to see you?"</p><p> </p><p>"Fuck yes," she said without missing a beat, then uncapped the pen. "Now, rule number one: you sleep on the couch. This was obvious, anyway, but knowing you, I'm not leaving any room for interpretation."</p><p> </p><p>Cassian laughed as he ate some chips.</p><p> </p><p>"Smart girl."</p><p> </p><p>‘Rule number two: don’t get into my personal space.’</p><p> </p><p>‘That’s a bit ambiguous, don’t you think? Like—‘</p><p> </p><p>‘Rule number three, don’t — and I’m writing this in big letters — walk in on me while I’m in the bathroom and bedroom. Knock first.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Understandable.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Rule number four, no walking around naked. I mean it.’</p><p> </p><p>Cassian frowned. ‘What does that even <em>mean? </em>Why not?’</p><p> </p><p>She was going to seriously lose it. ‘Because I have no interest in seeing you naked anytime soon, Cassian. My poor eyes can’t handle it.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Truer words have never been spoken,’ he said while munching on some chips. ‘By the way, I have no problem if you want to walk around naked. I’m actually encouraging it. It’s healthy.’</p><p> </p><p>‘For your brain? How much more nudity can that brain even handle? You must be thrilled that PornHub Premium is free now,’ she mumbled while writing.</p><p> </p><p>‘That is completely not true! I don’t watch porn!’</p><p> </p><p>‘Sure you don’t. Which brings me to rule number five: no sexual… anything. This is a holy house.’</p><p> </p><p>‘You’re not religious, Nesta.’</p><p> </p><p>‘True, but I’m not a heathen either. If any of my body lotions or hand towels go missing, you’re dead.’</p><p> </p><p>His booming laugh almost — <em>almost</em> made her smile, but she bit down on her tongue hard enough until the thought perished.</p><p> </p><p>‘Rule number six: no loud music after midnight.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Boring,’ he yawned.</p><p> </p><p>‘No dirty clothes lying around. No food or wrappers lying around. No PlayBoy magazines lying around.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Sorry, I forgot those home. I’ll just use your sex novels,’ he winked.</p><p> </p><p>‘No making fun of me.’</p><p> </p><p>‘When do I ever make fun of you?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Do you want me to pull up the timeline? You know I keep one.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Okay that whole timeline thing is bullshit, you made up half of that stuff!’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta opened her Notes app. She kept a record of each time Cassian made a rude or obnoxious comment about her — mostly because he loved denying it afterwards, or said that it was in a <em>loving </em>way. Like teenagers who fight but are secretly crushing on each other.</p><p> </p><p>She’d rather choke on a bone, but okay.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘22nd of October: Did your hair dryer explode? Why does your hair look like that? 3rd of November: Do you actually read those books or do you just scan the pages? Is that a coping mechanism for your unfortunate high school days? Feyre told me you were a bit uptight back then.’</em>
</p><p> </p><p>‘Oh come on, I did not say it like that!’ Cassian protested. ‘And you<em> were</em> a loner back in high school!’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta threw him a piercing look, then continued to read: <em>‘14th of November: Why are you always so tense? I could always help you relax. 16th of November: I don’t know what I love more, the way you threaten to castrate me or watching you walk away. Your ass is fantastic.’</em></p><p> </p><p>‘How is that even an insult? I love your ass,’ he pouted.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘5th of December: That is a hideous sweater. Looks like something my grandma would knit.’</em>
</p><p> </p><p>‘It was really ugly, you have to admit,’ he grumbled.</p><p> </p><p><em>‘11th of November: Do you need a ride home? Or, you know, any sort of ride? 17th of December: I’m contemplating what Christmas gift I should get you. Part of me wants a super hot lingerie set, part of me wants to give you some Prozac cause you need to chill sometimes. 26th of December: the prank with the cupcakes.</em> Why would you fill them with chilli instead of jam?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Because it was hilarious?’ he smirked.</p><p> </p><p>‘No one laughed.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Everyone laughed, sweetheart.’</p><p> </p><p><em>‘31st of December: Hey Nes, do you wanna know what my New Year’s wish is? To be asphyxiated by your thighs,’</em> she said, even though just reading it out loud made her squirm.</p><p> </p><p>‘I still stand by that statement.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Also 31st of December: <em>Can I strap you to my face and say the alphabet?’</em></p><p> </p><p>Cassian laughed, remembering that night. ‘I was drunk throughout that night, so you can’t really blame me for voicing out my fantasies.’</p><p> </p><p>‘You’re a pervert.’</p><p> </p><p>‘You probably imagined it more times than I did.’</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Maybe.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>‘The point is,’ she deflected, ‘you always pick on me. So while you are here, you can’t burden me with your lewd thoughts or insults.’</p><p> </p><p>‘What about me? Can’t I make any rules?’</p><p> </p><p>At that, Nesta paused, looking up at him. ‘What for?’</p><p> </p><p>‘I don’t know, don’t stare at me while I work out? Don’t yell at me for absolutely no reason? Don’t throw your books at me when I don’t pay attention to something?’</p><p> </p><p>‘No. This isn’t a democracy, Cassian. I make the rules.’</p><p> </p><p>‘I wouldn’t have pegged you for a dom, sweetheart, but do go on. This talk is already turning me on.’</p><p> </p><p>And then she exploded, finally starting the fight which she was dying for.</p><p> </p><p>This was going to be a long… week. Month. <em>Months.</em> Please let it be over soon.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 'You're literally the easiest person to get.'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It took that bastard three fucking hours to break one of the rules.</p><p> </p><p>The worst part? She actually thought he’d indulge her. Turns out that once Cassian realised what he was doing, he half-remembered that this was one of her rules and tried to act as if <em>she</em> was at fault.</p><p> </p><p>‘Why didn’t you lock the door?!’ he half-yelled behind the now-closed door while Nesta wanted to drown herself into the tub. ‘How was I supposed to know you’re naked?!’</p><p> </p><p>That was a joke, right?</p><p> </p><p>‘Cassian, I told you I was going to take a bath and not to disturb me!’ she yelled, daydreaming about strangling him. She could blame it on the virus, she didn’t even care at this point.</p><p> </p><p>‘Sorry, I was too busy fixing the nightstand you asked me to fix! I didn’t even see anything, don’t worry. Unless you want me to come in ag—‘</p><p> </p><p>‘Fuck off, Cassian. Go watch some soccer or whatever it is you guys do. Piss in a corner, mark your territory, just let me take a bath!’</p><p> </p><p>He had the audacity to laugh — <em>again </em>— and left her alone.</p><p> </p><p>Nesta sighed and turned on her music while she soaked in the tub. Thankfully there were bubbles all around her.</p><p> </p><p>There was a teeny tiny bit part of her that thought this would actually be a good distraction. She thought that after the screaming match they had a couple of hours ago — well,<em> she </em>screamed, Cassian just made sly remarks which annoyed her even more — he’d at least give her a break for a bit. Find something to do, watch a movie and let her be. So when he started pestering her about what she’s been up to, how’s that internship going, what she wants to do, if she has any board games, Nesta decided she needed to distract him for at least half an hour.</p><p> </p><p>She went to her bedroom, pulled apart parts of her nightstand and asked him if he could fix it. Of course he accepted.</p><p> </p><p>She made sure to hide some of the bolts to keep him distracted for a while longer.</p><p> </p><p>‘It’s okay, I can do this,’ she told herself while washing her hair. ‘It’s like babysitting. I can babysit an overgrown baby. A twenty two year old baby.’ She looked up at the ceiling and brought her hands together. ‘If there’s anyone up there — <em>anyone,</em> I’m <em>that</em> desperate — please have mercy on me. I can’t go to jail for premeditated murder. My flame can’t be snuffed so early.’</p><p> </p><p>She knew she was being dramatic, but the whole situation was overwhelming. Meeting Cassian in social situation was something she could handle — but they were rarely alone. She avoided that at all costs, because who knew what she’d end up doing?</p><p> </p><p>No, it’s stupid to even think like that. Nesta didn’t like Cassian, period.</p><p> </p><p>She’ll just have to tell herself that until she’ll believe it.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>‘Finally, that took you ages. Are you hungry? I made you pasta!’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta stopped dead in her tracks, wet towel in her hands.</p><p> </p><p>‘You made what now?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Pasta. Feyre told me it’s your favourite dish.’</p><p> </p><p>It pained her to say that it smelled incredible — the whole kitchen and living (her apartment had an open concept) smelled like pesto sauce. Her mouth watered a bit.</p><p> </p><p>Cassian had changed into more comfortable clothes. Her gaze lingered a bit on his white t-shirt, which showed off his chest and big arms. He was such a sucker for the gym.</p><p> </p><p>She was such a sucker for muscles.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Stop it, Nesta!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, as if afraid he was going to hit her over the head with a spatula or something, Nesta made her way to the kitchen table, where he set up two plates filled with pasta and two glasses of wine. Rosé wine, her favourite.</p><p> </p><p>Deciding her hair was dry enough, Nesta put the towel on a bar stool, a frown already her face.</p><p> </p><p>‘How did you know I like rosé? Feyre couldn’t have told you, she doesn’t know that either.’</p><p> </p><p>Cassian finished washing whatever he was washing in the sink and pushed past her — as if there wasn’t enough space for him — and sat down. She resisted the urge to hit him back.</p><p> </p><p>‘Well, Nes—’</p><p> </p><p>‘Stop calling me Nes, you know it bugs me.’</p><p> </p><p>‘—unlike your baby sister, I <em>do</em> pay attention to people. More than you actually think.’</p><p> </p><p>Right. Nesta forgets that even though he’s on the college varsity’s team — got a full scholarship, the bastard — he’s majoring in Psychology. When she first heard that, Nesta laughed for a full minute, thinking he was joking, but it turned out to be true. And it also turned out that it kind of suited him, even though she couldn’t really tell at first. Nesta didn’t really think he was going to be a psychiatrist, since he was really, <em>really</em> good at playing soccer, but who knew with him?</p><p> </p><p>‘Also, I never even tried eating pasta with pesto, and I have to admit they look a bit disgusting.’</p><p> </p><p>That made Nesta laugh. ‘You never tried them?!’</p><p> </p><p>‘No. You never tried half of the things I did, so let’s not start being judgemental here.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Why did you cook them, then? I didn’t even know you could cook,’ she said while sitting down, picking up the fork. They did look good, she had to admit.</p><p> </p><p>‘To make up for waking in on you naked,’ he winked at her. ‘Try them first, I’m too scared.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Scared of?’ she laughed, then stopped, fear taking its place. ‘You didn’t poison them, did you?’</p><p> </p><p>Cassian looked at her as if she was inept. ‘Honestly, Nesta, if I wanted to kill you, I would’ve done it in a more amusing way. Poisoning someone usually involves lots of foaming at the mouth, maybe even vomiting and dramatic chocking, which I’m not really into. Now shut up and try them.’</p><p> </p><p>Before deciding otherwise, Nesta tasted one pasta. Chewed tentatively on it. Expected to burst into tears any second from too much pepper or spit it out, but the truth was… They were good.</p><p> </p><p><em>Really</em> good.</p><p> </p><p>He could clearly see that, because for once in her life, Nesta was speechless in front of Cassian.</p><p> </p><p>His grin was brighter than the sun.</p><p> </p><p>‘God, I’m amazing, aren’t I?’ he said, picking up his own fork and trying his handiwork.</p><p> </p><p>‘I really don’t wanna say this,’ she said with her mouth half-full, ‘but these are so. Fucking. Good. Sweet baby Jesus, they are delicious.’</p><p> </p><p>While Nesta was stuffing her face, Cassian’s face went slack.</p><p> </p><p>‘What?’ she asked, fork halfway to her mouth.</p><p> </p><p>He swallowed, then grimaced. ‘These are <em>vile.</em> God, what the hell is in this sauce?’</p><p> </p><p>He drank a quarter of the wine, still grimacing. Nesta started wheezing, trying hard not to choke.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Karma, bitch.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>‘You finish these, I’m making myself a sandwich.’</p><p> </p><p>‘The more the merrier,’ she said, taking his plate.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It was around midnight when Elain texted her that they were streaming <em>10</em> <em>things I hate about you</em> on the TV. She half squealed and got out of bed, her book half-forgotten on the floor, and raced to the living room.</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully Cassian was in the shower, so he couldn’t comment on her excitement as she sat down on the now pullout couch (she did make an effort to make it nice and damn, it was <em>really</em> comfortable) and switched the channel. There — she almost sighed as the glorious Kat appeared on her TV and <em>did </em>sigh at the sight of Patrick Verona. God, this man was gorgeous.</p><p> </p><p>She made herself comfortable, not even caring that Cassian might want to go to sleep, and hugged one of the pillows to her chest. This was one of her favourite movies of all times, partly because she absolutely adored Kat, partly because of Heath. This reminded her — she should rewatch The Dark Knight, it’s been quite a while.</p><p> </p><p>Nesta didn’t even pay attention when she heard the bathroom door opening and Cassian stepped out. She couldn’t even be bothered to turn her neck to make sure he was dressed.</p><p> </p><p>‘Well, that’s an unexpected sight. First night and you already wanna have a sleepover? Not that I’m complaining.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Shut up, I’m watching <em>10 things I hate about you. </em>I love this movie.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Is it a chick-flick?’</p><p> </p><p>‘…No.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Sure it’s not. Let’s watch a horror movie.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Is that what you usually watch with girls, hoping they’ll get scared and cling to you for dear life?’</p><p> </p><p>‘No, but if it’s what it takes for you to cling to me for dear life…’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta was about to say that she’d rather die of a heart attack, but Cassian plopped down next to her, and she almost jumped out of her skin.</p><p> </p><p>He was <em>shirtless.</em> And his hair was still a bit wet, curling slightly at the edges, framing his chiseled and very awe-struck face. Wait, why was he looking at her like that?</p><p> </p><p>‘I’ve never seen you with your glasses on,’ he said, smiling broadly. ‘or with your hair up. Now you <em>do</em> resemble a geek. A very adorable geek, I might add.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Cassian.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Yes?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Why are you naked?’</p><p> </p><p>He frowned, looking down at himself. ‘I don’t usually get complaints regarding that… but I’m pretty sure I’m wearing shorts, sweetheart.’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta could feel her face heating up and before Cassian could point that out, she threw her pillow at him.</p><p> </p><p>‘You’re not wearing a t-shirt!’</p><p> </p><p>God, he had such a ripped body, fucking hell. Nesta really wanted to poke him, but fought back that urge.</p><p> </p><p>‘Nesta, I’m gonna be honest here. I usually sleep in my boxers or naked, so this is a monumental effort for me. Don’t torture me more.’</p><p> </p><p>Then his male brain lowered — to what she now realised was her low-cut tank top. She had a hoodie on before, but her room gets too warm sometimes so she changed, thinking that she wasn’t going to come out again.</p><p> </p><p>Well, shit.</p><p> </p><p>‘And you’re allowed to wear<em> that?</em>’ he said, pointing to her boobs, so she threw another pillow at his face, but alas, he dodged it. ‘How is that fair?!’</p><p> </p><p>She pulled the duvet over her legs, keeping it close to her chest, then scowled.</p><p> </p><p>‘I told you, this isn’t a democracy! Shut up and let me watch the movie.’</p><p> </p><p>And before she turned her face, Nesta noticed that his cheeks were tinted with red. It brought a small smile to her face, especially since he didn’t say anything else and watched the movie with her.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The thing is, Cassian knew Nesta was attractive. That was clear as crystal since the day he met him and looked at him with murder in her beautiful, icy eyes. He had been smitten ever since.</p><p> </p><p>But Cassian never, ever saw Nesta in any revealing clothes. He didn’t know if she simply didn’t like them or didn’t like when others looked at her, but now he was glad she never did. He wouldn’t have been able to avert his gaze.</p><p> </p><p>Fucking hell, she had a <em>gorgeous </em>body. Okay, it was obvious that he stared once or twice at her bum when she was wearing tight jeans and knew that it wasn’t exactly small, but he didn’t really ever look at her breasts. Now that he was thinking about it, Cassian didn’t think she ever wore anything with a cleavage in his presence.</p><p> </p><p>And now she was wearing a tank top — out of all fucking things in the world — and was braless, of course. <em>Of course.</em> So when she hit him with that pillow his eyes went straight to her boobs which bounced so. Fucking. Beautifully. Cassian was sure that had been the most artistic movement he’d ever seen in his life.</p><p> </p><p>And when she leaned over for the duvet and got even a better view of them, he had to look away or else he would’ve whimpered.</p><p> </p><p>It was in moments like these when he felt like a teenager going through puberty all over again and he <em>hated</em> that. Hated it, because even though Cassian liked cracking dirty jokes around Nesta, he only did it because he was aware it enraged her, so situations like <em>these </em>were foreign to him. He never even tried to actually kiss her out of fear she’d punch him, but he <em>really </em>wanted to.</p><p> </p><p>And now his mind was thinking about more than that and he hated, hated, <em>hated it.</em></p><p> </p><p>Nesta seemed to forget about all of it, because she was laughing at the movie which he was half-watching, being too preoccupied with overthinking. He saw how flustered she was when she saw him shirtless, which certainly gave him some satisfaction, but that satisfaction was whisked away in less than a minute. Now <em>he </em>was the flustered one.</p><p> </p><p>When he glanced at her, Cassian’s rapid thoughts quieted. He took in the safe parts — the things that affected his heart, not his annoying <em>lower</em> part which seemed to be thinking for himself. Her round glasses and half-done bun brought a smile to his face again, but so did her obliviousness; Nesta always seemed to have a scowl on her face when he was around. This was a rare instance when she seemed more like herself. When her guard was down.</p><p> </p><p>God, Cassian was so in love with this girl, he was close to losing his mind.</p><p> </p><p>The worst part was that he was so fucking overwhelmed and slightly intimidated by her that most of the time he was acting like a moron when she was there. Riling her up, trying to get a reaction out of her, trying to act like he wasn’t the one falling hopelessly for a girl who would gladly make a pocket in his throat. But what else could he do? It was probably too late to even attempt to ask her out, because she would just think he was messing around with her and wouldn’t take him seriously.</p><p> </p><p>That was his biggest regret — not making it obvious that this <em>was</em> a big deal to him.</p><p> </p><p>She laughed at something that girl Kat said (which reminded him an awful lot about her) and Cassian almost reached over to hold her hand.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>He thought a lot about the reasons why he fell for her — at first, he found her mean streak alluring. Then he got to observe her in order to find out more about her personality, because there was no way in hell Nesta would open up to him after a bickering session, and found out that she was such a huge geek. She loved books and was in so many fandoms and cried over TV series and even wrote (Cassian didn’t think Nesta was aware that he knew). She was compassionate as well, and took things to heart. That’s how he knew she was going to be a hell of a lawyer — once Nesta got invested, she was all in. She was also reserved and quiet at social gatherings, but Cassian knew that it was because people found her scary. Nesta probably thought they found her strange.</p><p> </p><p>She was also smart and had an answer for everything, be it an academic question or an insult. Definitely smarter than him. All of her professors adored her. She loved to act all cold and ruthless, and for a while he believed she was, but his opinion changed over time. Nesta felt — and felt<em> a lot</em>, if she was almost tearing up at this movie.</p><p> </p><p>He also found her extremely breathtaking. She was beautiful, obviously, but Cassian never really paid <em>that</em> much attention to her looks once he got to know her, though the thought of even touching her in any way sent shivers down his spine.</p><p> </p><p>Was that ever going to happen?</p><p> </p><p>Probably not.</p><p> </p><p>‘Why do you like this movie?’ he asked her because he really, <em>really </em>wanted to look at her again.</p><p> </p><p>‘Hmm?’ she slowly turned to him, a smile playing on her lips. ‘Oh. I really like Kat’s attitude. Patrick’s also, I guess.’</p><p> </p><p>Cassian faked a shocked expression. ‘Don’t tell me, you’re attracted to guys? That’s actually quite unexpected, I thought you hated guys!’</p><p> </p><p>She groaned, though her smile didn’t disappear completely. ‘Just you, Cas. I made an exception <em>just for you.’</em></p><p> </p><p>A wave of heat passed through his body when she called him Cas, mostly because she hated nicknames.</p><p> </p><p>‘What do you like about him?’</p><p> </p><p>‘He’s funny, caring, attractive. Plays a bit hard to get.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Did you just describe me?’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta gave him a dirty look. ‘You’re literally the easiest person to get.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Okay that is definitely <em>not </em>true,’ he said and meant it. ‘Also, I’m really glad that you didn’t deny the rest.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Everyone says you slept your way through the cheerleading team,’ she retorted, turning her attention back to the TV, leaving Cassian with his mouth hanging wide open.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What. The. Fuck.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>‘Who the fuck said that?!’</p><p> </p><p>‘Some people from my course,’ she said absent-mindedly, though she was definitely paying attention to the conversation. ‘One of them is friends with some cheerleaders and they always gush over you.’</p><p> </p><p>‘That is not true at all! I didn’t sleep with any cheerleaders!’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta looked at him as if that was hard to believe.</p><p> </p><p>‘Do people actually think I’m sleeping around?’ he wondered out loud.</p><p> </p><p>‘Don’t you?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Do you?’ he bit back.</p><p> </p><p>Nesta squinted her eyes at him. ‘Who I sleep with is none of your business.’</p><p> </p><p>‘I didn’t ask that.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Are you assuming I’m sleeping around with people?’</p><p> </p><p>‘That’s <em>exactly </em>what you just did to me one second ago.’</p><p> </p><p>She groaned and closed her eyes. ‘Okay, fine, I don’t actually believe that. And even if you did, I wouldn’t care.’</p><p> </p><p>That made Cassian grin, because her tone said the exact opposite of what she’d just said. ‘I’m sure you don’t. That’s why you asked Feyre all those months ago if I was single?’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta’s head whipped towards him so fast that he thought it was going to snap. Her mouth formed a perfect O and her big, blue eyes were filled with pure shock. Cassian’s heart sighed at this ethereal sight.</p><p> </p><p>He was bluffing, of course, but she was just <em>so fucking beautiful</em> when she was pissed at him.</p><p> </p><p>‘I never asked her that! Why would I even bother to? I know you are single!’ she said, then looked a bit mortified.</p><p> </p><p>Cassian’s smirk grew bigger. ‘How do you know that?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Probably because I never saw you with someone, and would you say <em>all those things</em> to me if you were in a relationship?’</p><p> </p><p><em>There.</em> He was so, so close to getting her flustered again, and he wasn’t going to pass up on that opportunity.</p><p> </p><p>‘What things?’</p><p> </p><p>A hint of red on her cheeks. Wide eyes. A second, then two seconds of hesitation, which almost <em>never </em>happened with Nesta. Then, something that he definitely didn’t expect: ‘Y-You know what I’m talking about.’</p><p> </p><p>Stuttering.</p><p> </p><p>Nesta never, <em>never</em> stuttered. That realisation hit him so hard that his brain almost went haywire.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, he was <em>definitely</em> going to make the most of this, consequences be damned.</p><p> </p><p>He threw away the pillow he was leaning on and dragged himself closer to her — not too much, but enough to unnerve her — and cocked his head to the side, admiring her. He didn’t think he was ever this close to her.</p><p> </p><p>‘I do know what you’re talking about, but I’d rather hear those words come out of your pretty mouth.’</p><p> </p><p>Her blush intensified, spreading to her neck and chest (which was still mostly covered, and he didn’t even <em>dare</em> to look too much), while Nesta was trying to come up with an answer.</p><p> </p><p>’T-That wasn’t even my point,’ she stuttered again, and Cassian was seconds away from either crushing her into a hug or kissing her. ‘What I meant is that I know you’re not in a relationship.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Neither are you.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Now you’re the one making assumptions,’ she said, fidgeting with the ends of the duvet.</p><p> </p><p>That did strike him as odd. Cassian didn’t think Nesta could be easily flustered, but the thought of her being nervous around him never really crossed his mind.</p><p> </p><p>Was she actually nervous?</p><p> </p><p>‘I’m not. I was stating a fact,’ he drawled, analysing her every feature, every shift in her body. ‘Can I ask you something?’</p><p> </p><p>‘I’d rather you don’t.’</p><p> </p><p>Cassian didn’t really think that was even a possibility, given the way she looks and talks and thinks, but he still went ahead and asked her: ‘Were you ever in a relationship?’</p><p> </p><p>When Nesta looked like she would rather get hit by a speeding car than answer, Cassian almost face-palmed himself.</p><p> </p><p>He was the most oblivious person in the world.</p><p> </p><p>‘You weren’t,’ he answered for her, his smirk slowly fading. ‘I’m…’</p><p> </p><p>‘Cassian, I swear to whatever God you believe in that I will murder you if you start making fun of me right now—‘</p><p> </p><p>He quickly shook his head, guilt replacing his amusement. ‘No, no, I swear I wasn’t going to. It’s just… I’m sorry.’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta eyed him skeptically. ‘For?’</p><p> </p><p>‘For all those propositions I made. I didn’t really mean them.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Of course you didn’t.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Fuck, no, I-I didn’t mean it like that—‘</p><p> </p><p>Great, now he was the one stuttering.</p><p> </p><p>He sighed and sat upright, making a<em> colossal </em>effort to look her straight in her eyes and not feel his stomach turn into knots. ‘God, how do I even say this? I <em>meant</em> them, as in I do think you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, but not as in <em>I’d just fuck you and that’s it</em>. What I’m trying and failing to say is that I do like you, <em>actually </em>like you and your twisted personality, and I didn’t mean to be improper so many times. I don’t want you to think I actually want to get in your pants,’ he said, but then that <em>also</em> came out wrong. ‘Did you understand anything? Because I think I managed to lose myself somewhere in the middle.’</p><p> </p><p>Surprisingly, Nesta didn’t slap him yet, so that must be a good sign.</p><p> </p><p>‘Are you saying all of this because you feel bad I wasn’t ever in a relationship?’</p><p> </p><p>‘What? No, of course not. I don’t care about that. I just didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.’</p><p> </p><p>How did he manage to get himself into such a situation?</p><p> </p><p>‘So you’re assuming that just because I never had a boyfriend, I can’t keep up with your sexual jokes?’</p><p> </p><p>‘No, because you obviously<em> can,</em> but at the same time I may have crossed the line a couple of times. Which is quite understandable why you probably think I’m a fuckboy.’</p><p> </p><p>‘I don’t actually think that, I told you.’</p><p> </p><p>‘I’m still sorry. Now I know why you feel the urge to kill me.’</p><p> </p><p>God, he could clearly remember the occasions when he told her he’d love nothing more than for her to sit on his face. And he said it so casually, like it didn’t actually matter to him, and she probably thought that’s all he wanted from her, which was far from the truth.</p><p> </p><p>He really started off on the wrong foot, didn’t he?</p><p> </p><p>‘Stop apologising, you’re going to make this awkward and I hate awkward situations.’</p><p> </p><p>Even though she was still flushed, Nesta didn’t really look pissed at him, which gave him enough courage to exhale in relief.</p><p> </p><p>‘Sorry.’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta sighed. Cassian gave her a tentative smile.</p><p> </p><p>‘For the record, it’s your attitude that I like most about you.’</p><p> </p><p>He almost said <em>love, </em>but this probably wasn’t the right time.</p><p> </p><p>‘And you’re also pretty terrifying.’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta’s body seemed to relax at last, which made<em> him </em>relax.</p><p> </p><p>‘Now that’s a nice compliment,’ she observed, a small smile forming on her face. ‘You should’ve started with that.’</p><p> </p><p>Even though his heart was still pounding in his chest, Cassian laughed.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Nesta didn’t manage to pay attention to the rest of the movie, too distracted by her own thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>She never felt more mortified in her whole life, which was saying a <em>lot,</em> since she went through some pretty embarrassing moments.</p><p> </p><p>Firstly, Cassian’s flirting. Then her sudden panic, because she didn’t see that coming, and his realisation. Then his apology, which made things somehow worse.</p><p> </p><p>A part of her still thought he felt bad for her, even though it was clear that he was only apologetic. Why, though? He <em>did</em> make a bad impression on her at first, but that wore off over time. Now it was just part of their banter. Maybe she thought Cassian was aware of her lack of romantic endeavours?</p><p> </p><p>That was stupid. How could he have known?</p><p> </p><p>Either way, Nesta <em>did </em>get his point. He thought that she thought that he had been sexualising her all of this time, which wasn’t really true. Except the lewd comments here and there to annoy her, Cassian never actually even <em>tried </em>to touch her in <em>any</em> way. She never even hugged him. She always thought he was just joking.</p><p> </p><p>Yet what he said — that he <em>liked</em> her — made her pause and read a bit too much into things.</p><p> </p><p>When she finally went to bed, safe in the confines of her room, Nesta allowed herself to groan loudly into her pillow.</p><p> </p><p>‘What the hell did I get myself into?’</p><p> </p><p>She also noticed that against all odds, Cassian managed to fix her nightstand. Fuck.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Did I mention that I hate it when you're half naked around me?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Loud music woke Nesta up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Five minutes — she gave Cassian exactly <em>five minutes</em> to hopefully realise that she was going to go all Bruce Lee on his ass unless he turned it down and let her sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>One minute. Two.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She shifted on her other side, hoping that she’d be able to fall back asleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Three.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She kicked one of her blankets off, then her entire duvet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Four.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The sun was shining brightly outside. Birds were chirping in the tree next to her window. The clock next to her bookshelves read 08:35.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Five.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was officially a dead man walking.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>‘For fuck’s sake, Cassian, seriously?! I am trying to fucking sleep! Are you mad?! I have neighbours, turn that shit <em>down!’</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>As she stomped in the living room, Nesta expected to find that idiot doing anything <em>but</em> working out. Yet there he was, doing push ups on the floor near the balcony door, sunlight streaming in and illuminating his glistening back. Nesta paused, mouth open in amazement, staring at those muscles flexing, at the beautiful curve of his spine, at his very <em>fine ass.</em> Oh God, she was staring at his body like a pubescent girl.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian kind of resembled a very fine Olympian god that Apollo would’ve probably fallen head over heels for.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he finally finished and turned around, his abdomen muscles glistening with sweat, Nesta bit her cheek.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Sorry, I didn’t hear you, what was that?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I was sleeping and you woke me up,’ she said, turning down her speakers. ‘It’s 8am!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian stood up and stretched. There was only so much she could do to avert her gaze, but <em>holy fuck,</em> he was really making it hard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘See something you like?’ he asked, a coy smile playing on his lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘The kitchen knife I want to stab you with. Why did you wake me up?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Because it’s late. Let’s go for a run around the block.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta laughed. ‘Yeah, sure.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She walked to the coffee maker and hit the button, then took out her favourite Star Wars mug and placed it under it. Her fluffy robe shielded her from Cassian’s eyes — she was wearing only that tank top and underwear. Thankfully she had enough sense to put it on before storming out of her room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I meant it,’ he said, inching closer to her. ‘We <em>are</em> technically allowed to do that as long as it’s close by.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta gave him an acrid look. ‘I’d much rather go back to sleep.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian flicked her nose, now close enough to unnerve her. ‘You look so cute in the morning that I feel less threatened by you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She took a step back as casually as she could and picked a green apple from the counter, biting hard into it. The sour taste almost made her wince.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I hate running.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘That’s funny, because you keep running away from me all the time.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘That’s because you annoy me.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Is that all?’ another step, grin widening. ‘Nothing else?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta forced herself to swallow. ‘No.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘So it doesn’t bother you that I’m not wearing a t-shirt right now?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another bite. ‘Absolutely not.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was hard, so hard not to look down at his body, but the thing was that even his face was hard to look at and not lose herself. There was something about his rugged beauty, something that awakened a need inside her, a flame she didn’t even think herself capable of.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he tucked some of her stray hairs behind her ear, barely touching her cheek, Nesta realised with a start that she was <em>very</em> attracted to Cassian.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You don’t need jogging, anyway,’ he winked. ‘I’ll be back in an hour.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then he left, leaving her half-flustered and half-frustrated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta didn’t know how much time passed since Cassian left, because after taking a cold shower, changing into more appropriate clothes and ate, she dove straight into a new book. Classical music reverberated in her sunny room, which certainly did wonders on her mood — she was such a sucker for spring days. She loved when her room was neat and tidy, her four bookcases which occupied an entire wall dusted and work papers on her desk neatly stacked. She had so many posters and pictures stuck to her walls — of favourite characters, quotes, selfies with her sisters. At first she worried it would peel off her black paint (only one wall was black, she figured if all of them would be black it would look too depressing, so she picked purple for the others and white floors. It turned out pretty nice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She also insisted on a huge bed, mainly because she liked to spread like a starfish when she slept. This room was her favourite place in the world at the moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The book — <em>Skyward</em> — got her so hooked that she could barely put it down, so thankful for the gripping action and variety in personalities. It was a nice change that the main character, Spensa, didn’t focus at all on any boys, her only wish being to fight off aliens and be the best pilot there ever was. Nesta loved her determination and dramatic flair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She read and read and read until she could barely see straight anymore. At a certain point she thought she heard the door open and close, but Spensa was in the midst of a battle and kept on reading.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Do you ever do anything except read?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta tore her eyes from the page to glance at Cassian, who was leaning on her doorframe, all sweaty and breathing heavily.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>What a nice sight.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘No. Stop talking to me and go take a shower, I’m not talking to you until then.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sighed, straightened and mumbled something under his breath, probably an insult, then went straight to the bathroom. Nesta returned to her book and ignored that head in her lower stomach.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Let’s play a board game.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘No.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Why not?’ he pouted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Because I will end up beating you and you’ll cry.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian made an exasperated noise, kicking her under the table. Nesta resisted the urge to throw something at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You will definitely not beat me.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Okay, if I do, what will I get in return?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’m feeling pretty confident about my chances, so you can get anything you want.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta grinned. ‘Fine. A book.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Typical,’ he rolled his eyes. ‘And what if I win?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta stood up from the ground — they were sitting face to face at the coffee table in the living room — and brought over the box where she kept all of her board games.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Let’s start with something easy,’ she said, taking out the deck of cards.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>First, they played <em>Palace.</em> Cassian won the first round. Then <em>Crazy Eights, </em>which he also won. After beating her at <em>Go Fish</em> as well, Nesta took out Scrabbles, and when he won with the word <em>‘chutzpah’,</em> which he found ironic, since it fit his personality so well, Nesta almost lost her compose, but she didn’t.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No, because when they started playing Monopoly, Nesta was hell-bent on winning. This was one of her favourite games — she <em>knew</em> she was going to win.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>More than half an hour passed since they started the game and she was gaining back her confidence. Nesta already had lots of properties, tons of money and owned enough hotels to make him pay dearly. Cassian didn’t seem fazed by that, playing as if this was the easiest thing in the world and making rash decisions, while she calculated every move. That, she realised later, was what put her at ease, which was a hell of a tricking strategy — he acted like he was a bad player.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Because when Nesta ended up in jail for more than three times and invested almost all of her money in properties, she realised she couldn’t pay the Income Tax.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And when<em> she </em>had to sell all of her properties to Cassian and therefore couldn’t afford to pay the taxes when she landed on his properties, he pointed out that she had to declare bankruptcy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta lost.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For the<em> fifth time.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘This must be a nightmare,’ she whispered, surveying the board. ‘How did I end up like this?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian laughed at her dramatic expression, so hard that tears welled up in his eyes. Nesta was absolutely baffled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I told you I’d beat you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Did you cheat?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian stopped long enough to wipe a tear from his eye. ‘We both know you’ve been watching me like an eagle the entire time, so no sweetheart, I didn’t cheat. I’m just better than you at board games.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was surreal. Her right eye twitched.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘So, about my prize…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta abruptly stood up, knocking over the game board. Cassian clamped a hand over his mouth, trying hard not to laugh again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘This isn’t fair! <em>How the hell did you win?! </em>I always win at Monopoly!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’m a terrific player, sweetheart. Wanna go for another round?’ he winked, legs crossed under him. ‘One condition, though: if I win, you owe me three favours, no questions asked. If you win, I’ll buy you a dozen books. I’ll even give you that in writing.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta stalled, tempted by his proposition. Twelve books…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She could beat him, right? Maybe her sixth time would be her lucky time. She’d take her time and plan her strategies and really, really focus.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But if she lost…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No, she wasn’t going to think about that now. She was going to win, period.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Fine,’ she replied, more determined than ever. ‘I accept.’</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta lost.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian had been boasting on the phone for the past ten minutes to Rhys and Azriel while Nesta stared blankly at a wall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>This must be payback for all those times I yelled at boys in high school, </em>she thought. <em>And that one time when I stole a book from that book fair. And that time when I broke that guy’s nose in the club. And when I kicked that other guy in the groin. And when I broke that perfume bottle at the mall and ran like crazy…</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Karma is out to get me.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘So,’ Cassian drawled, sitting down next to her. ‘where were we?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta took him in for the millionth time today, fighting back her traitorous thoughts. Even though she was pissed off, his beautiful smile soothed her wounded ego more than she’d care to admit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘If you ask me to do anything ridiculous, sexual or illegal, I’m calling the cops.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian rolled his eyes. ‘Is that how much faith you have in me?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I think it’s best if I don’t answer.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘My first request is actually quite simple.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Taking a deep breath, Nesta mentally prepared herself for whatever torture he had in mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Have a drink with me.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>What?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her confusion must’ve been obvious, because Cassian chuckled. ‘What’s wrong?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘That’s it? You want me to drink with you?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Well, yes. And don’t tell me you don’t drink, because I’ve seen you drink.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That was surprisingly easy. She had to admit, a part of her was relieved.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Fine, a drink it is. Can you make cosmos?'</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>One drink turned into two, then three. Turns out that Cassian’s cosmo cocktails were so. Damn. <em>Good. </em>That she asked for another, then another. He stopped after his second, right when he realised what an absolute lightweight she was and refused to make her another.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘How the hell are you already tipsy?’ he asked, taking the booze away from her sight. Wise choice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta stood on the bar stool and watched him with such piqued interest. She felt hot all over, so she took off her jumper, remaining only in a thin t-shirt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I… have no idea,’ she shook her head, giggling. ‘It’s been a while, I guess.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta threw her sweater somewhere behind and kept rotating herself on the stool. She forgot how much she loved this feeling — when she wasn’t really drunk, but close to it, and everything seemed hilarious. It was easier to laugh, to talk, to do whatever she wanted to do. Inhibitions weren’t a thing to her in such rare moments.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She. <em>Loved. It.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian offered her a glass of water, which she accepted with a goofy smile, then set it down on the bar. Cassian sighed, though he seemed more amused than annoyed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I didn’t actually intend for you to get drunk, you know,’ he noted, sitting down. ‘If your sister finds out, she will probably kill me.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Then don’t tell her,’ she laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian’s eyes were full with mirth when he downed what remained of his cocktail. His pupils were pretty dilated, Nesta noticed, but he definitely wasn’t in the same state as her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Now why the hell would I do that? I cherish my life.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Music played in the background. Nesta could barely hear it, because her attention was mostly focused on Cassian and his very pretty face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was so pretty. She really wanted to tell him that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She <em>definitely</em> couldn’t tell him that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Why are you scrunching your nose like that?’ he asked, flicking it again. ‘What are you thinking about?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I can’t tell you,’ she whispered, then winked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That made Cassian laugh louder. ‘Why not?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Because… I guess because sober me would never say such a thing out loud.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That seemed to intrigue him even more. ‘Is it something bad?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘…Yes.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Good bad or <em>bad</em> bad?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That confused her. ‘What does that even <em>mean?</em>’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He drank half of her untouched glass of water, then opened a bag of salty chips. Nesta quickly dove for those.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I mean, is it something private?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta considered it for a moment. ‘It’s more like an observation. You know, you’re not really as bad as I thought you were.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘That’s… refreshing,’ he laughed, watching her stuff her face with chips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was something unusual about the way her heart reacted whenever he laughed or talked or smiled. And whenever he caught her gaze and held it for a second too long, and in moments like these, Nesta was more prone to maintain it for even longer, because she was so out of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘How is it even possible? she wondered out loud, leaning a bit over the bar and squinting at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘How’s what possible?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You,’ she replied, touching his cheek with a chip. ‘All of you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian fell quiet, his smile softening. ‘That’s what I wonder half the time when I think about you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You’re painfully beautiful, you know that, right? And not just… beautiful,’ she observed, leaning back. ‘You’re also hot. It’s annoying.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta stood up and made her way over the couch, bumping into another chair and the coffee table. Did she knock something over? Probably.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Did you just admit that I’m hot?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Somehow she managed to make it to the couch, which was still pulled out. She fell face-first into the pillows, laughing softly at herself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I am going to hate myself tomorrow,’ she chuckled, turning over and staring at the ceiling. ‘Can we pretend this never happened?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Why not?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian appeared from somewhere behind her, holding another glass of water. ‘Drink this.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’m not thirsty.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I didn’t ask if you’re thirsty, but you should hydrate when you’re drunk. Come on.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta scoffed but took the glass of water from his hand, then drank half of it. It was so damn hot in here.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Cassian?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Yes?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’m really hot.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He took the glass from her, expression puzzled. ‘I know that.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘No, you idiot,’ she laughed, ‘the room is too warm. Can you… open a window?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Whatever my lady wishes,’ he sighed dramatically, then disappeared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta leaned her head back on the pillow and continued to stare at the ceiling.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘It’s been so long since I last drank. I forgot how nice it feels.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Being drunk?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Not caring that much about things. Otherwise I never would’ve told you that. Also, I think I stare at you a bit too much sometimes, which I don’t really regret, but you should know.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Oh, trust me, I know. Are you hungry?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘No.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Do you need anything?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Yes. Can you come here?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A couple of seconds passed, then Cassian set down next to her. A smile bloomed on her face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What?’ he laughed. ‘Why are you smiling?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta shrugged, then lifted a hand and touched a strand of his hair. It barely touched his shoulders, and it always caught her eye — Nesta adored longer hair on guys. Or maybe just on him? She didn’t know.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I don’t know what it is about you,’ she began, still playing with that strand of hair, ‘but there <em>is</em> something about you. It makes my head throb more than usual.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian stilled, but she didn’t dare look in his eyes. She wasn’t drunk enough.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Can you keep a secret?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian nodded, quieter than ever. That was a first.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I… I like you as well. But you can’t bring this up tomorrow, because by then all my courage will be gone and I will hate myself for this.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She sighed when his hand, so warm and so much bigger, rested on top of hers. ‘Why would you hate yourself for this?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When she looked at him, Nesta expected to find him grinning or ready to laugh, but he looked like he couldn’t believe his ears. Like she was making fun of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Oh, how she wished.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Because I wouldn’t know how to say this properly.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘But you just did.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Yes, but…’ she stopped, searching for the right words in her muddy brain. ‘It’s scary.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian’s face softened. He gave her a small smile, rubbing his finger over her hand. ‘I know. I feel the same way.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘And you’re also intimidating me.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That made him laugh. ‘How?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shrugging, she leaned back on the pillows, her hand still in his. ‘Because I find you attractive and whenever you’re close enough I feel like I can’t breathe. And that’s really unfair. And you’re funny and smart as well, which is shit, because those are two more reasons for me to like you. And did I mention that I hate it when you’re half naked around me? God, I thought about that for half an hour before I went to sleep last night.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His expression was priceless. ‘You… You thought about me?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘More times than I can count,’ she huffed. ‘Does that surprise you?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘A lot,’ he laughed with disbelief. ‘It never crossed my mind that you might like me in the slightest.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What? Why?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Because most of the times we either bicker or you pretend I don’t exist.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeah, he had a point.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I do notice you,’ she said quietly. ‘All girls do. One time this girl from my course saw you talking to me and asked me if you’re my boyfriend, and when I said no, she asked me for your number.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian rested his head on his palm, still grinning. ‘And what did you say?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘That you have gonorrhoea and you refuse to get it treated. But that’s not the point,’ she said quickly when he opened his mouth to probably yell at her, ‘the point is that I’m not the only one that likes you. <em>That </em>is the point.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She rubbed her eyes, a bit tired. What was even the time?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I don’t care,’ he said, turning her face so she could look at him. ‘I don’t care about anyone else. I care about you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His hand was on her cheek and it felt good, so good to be touched by him and she didn’t want him to stop. Maybe she was more drunk than she thought, but the way Cassian was looking at her… Nesta could swear that there was longing in his eyes, longing and desire.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And he was so annoying and beautiful and kind and it almost brought her to the edge of insanity. How was she supposed to deal with it? How did people manage to sort out through their feelings?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I really want to kiss you right now.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And for a second, Nesta thought that Cassian <em>was</em> going to kiss her, becausethe way he looked at her lips and then her hand, still clasped in his, showed that she wasn’t the only one feeling extremely overwhelmed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then she half pulled herself up, leaning on her elbows, close enough to him that she could make out the beautiful colour of his eyes. Her gaze shifted to his lips and almost, <em>almost </em>leaned in for a kiss, except that he pulled back so fast she nearly fell on her face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Please believe me that I want nothing more than to kiss you right now, sweetheart, but I’d rather do it when you’re not like this.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Like what?’ she furrowed her eyebrows.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Drunk,’ he explained, then took her hand and helped her stand up. ‘Come on, let’s get you into bed. And don’t even tell me you’re not tired, because I know you are.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta was sure his hand was slightly trembling in hers. With a small smile, she let him guide her to her room, where she unceremoniously plopped down on her bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I did mean it,’ she said taking off her shorts to sleep in her underwear. Cassian turned around and looked at her bookcases until she pulled the duvet from under her ass and half-covered her legs with it. ‘I’ll probably deny everything tomorrow, but I did mean it.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian glanced at her and when he saw that she managed to somehow get under the duvet, he faced her. ‘It’s okay, I’ll tease you until you hate me back.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Ugh, I wish I could hate you. You make it kind of hard.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He pulled the duvet all over her, then placed a small kiss on her forehead. ‘I know. Sweet dreams, love.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. God, she was going to hate herself tomorrow morning.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. 'Keep it down you slut, maybe he can hear your thoughts!'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Slowly, reluctantly, still clinging to her sleep, Nesta opened her eyes. Golden sunlight poured into her room and she scrunched her nose, not remembering when she fell asleep. The clock on the wall read 6 a.m.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why was she even awake?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When she tried to stand up, Nesta’s head ached. Why would it…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Oh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Did she…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I got drunk,’ she whispered, voice trembling. ‘I got drunk in front of Cassian.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That wasn’t even the worst part — she told him things. Things Cassian wasn’t supposed to know, things not even <em>she</em> was supposed to know!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Oh for fuck’s sake, I told him I like him!’ she screamed into her pillow. ‘I am so fucked, what the hell am I going to do? How do I fix this?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She looked at the door in horror. Cassian was probably sleeping, and the first thing that came to her mind was to flee. That sliver of hope vanished instantly because they were on a fucking <em>lockdown.</em> The realisation that she had to face him was so horrific that for a second she contemplated not leaving her room ever again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But she was so, <em>so </em>hungry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When she stood up, Nesta realised she was only in her underwear. She really hoped she didn’t take her shorts off in front of Cassian.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After hastily putting on her shorts and a robe, Nesta opened the door with her heart in her throat. Her eyes went straight to the couch and — there he was. Sleeping soundly, hair covering part of his face, mouth slightly open and chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. Part of the duvet was hiding his naked chest, but right now, when his loud mouth wasn’t interrupting her thoughts, Nesta could really take him in. And he was so, so beautiful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had a soft face when he was sleeping. Gone was the brashness, cockiness and exuberant exterior. This was probably the first time Nesta had seen Cassian look so calm and be so quiet — which was saying<em> a lot,</em> since his mouth was always wide open and spewing nonsense. She dared take a step closer and smiled at his almost innocent face, which didn’t really go well with the things she wanted to do with his body.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Keep it down you slut, maybe he can hear your thoughts!</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The thing about Cassian was that despite all of these things that annoyed her to hell and back (mostly his loud mouth), Nesta knew he was a good one. He had morals, an actually functional brain, opinions about topics she didn’t even think he knew existed. That was her fault — she underestimated people. And Cassian, out of all people, seemed like a brainless jock, the one who let his dick do the thinking. Well, turns out she was wrong. They fought over subjects like history and politics and lives of renowned people and he could actually fight for his arguments. He always, <em>always</em> had a good point. Nesta never told him that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And he was compassionate. That fact occurred to her when Nesta had a couple of rough days and he quietly asked her if she wanted to talk when no one was paying attention and when he realised that just wasn’t her thing, he distracted her. Kept her mind off of things. Made her laugh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was always the first person she saw at a party and the only person who would talk to her for the whole night, if she asked him. He always seemed to be able to read her moods and play in accordance to those.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he was around, Nesta felt relieved, like she didn’t need to keep up an appearance or play a role. She could be her utmost annoying, twisted self, and Cassian never backed down from it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You’re staring,’ Cassian mumbled, shifting slightly. ‘and it’s flattering and I would invite you here for at least three more hours of sleep, but knowing you, I’m not sure if you’re currently contemplating my early demise.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta’s face was bright red. She nearly ran to the bathroom without a word, where she took her sweet time brushing her face, washing her teeth and combing down the mess that was her hair. Of course that idiot was awake. Could there be a day when he wouldn’t embarrass her? Probably not.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When she opened the bathroom door, Cassian was splayed on his back, powerful arms wrapped around a pillow and eyes closed. This time, she knew he was awake.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I was not staring at you,’ she said as she made her way to the kitchen and turning on her coffee machine. ‘And do not even think to bring up what happened last night.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Why not?’ God, she could already see the smirk on his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Because I said so!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta ate a banana in three bites. Then another. Whenever she was stressed out, Nesta ate like an elephant. ‘I clearly remember telling you not to tease me about it.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘So you remember all of the things you said?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Unfortunately. Let’s pretend it never happened.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Sweetheart, you’re an actual idiot if you think I’m going to brush aside the fact that you said you like me.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She pulled out two mugs and took out the milk. ‘Why? So you can make fun of me?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What? No. Because then I know it’s not pointless.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What’s pointless?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Me pursuing you. And I don’t plan on giving up too soon.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Despite the things she wanted to yell at him, Nesta allowed herself to smile while pouring the coffee. And it was a genuine smile full of excitement, because this was not only unexpected, but Cassian relentlessly pursuing her made her heart do flips in her chest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She pulled down all of the blinds, making the living room dark, then took the two mugs of coffee and made her way to the couch. Cassian barely opened his eyes and frowned at the sight of her extending him one of them, then reluctantly took it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Is it poisoned?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘No, I ran out of antifreeze. I used almond milk, I know you prefer it. Now scoot over and let me sit down, if I’m up so early I might as well just watch something.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Baffled, Cassian made room for her and kept throwing her weird glances.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After turning on Modern Family and taking a sip of her coffee, Nesta looked at him. ‘What?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘This isn’t how I pictured this morning.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘And how did you expect it to go?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I don’t know, you screaming at me for getting drunk?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Yeah, let’s not talk about that.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Why not?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Because I want to pretend that didn’t happen.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I don’t.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You don’t have a say.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Do you want to find out how many <em>says</em> I have, sweetheart?’ he took a sip of his coffee, eyes gleaming. ‘Just because I’m playing by your rules doesn’t mean I’m not capable of making my own as well.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You’re not.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Am I also not attractive?’ he mused, taking another sip. His hair was so fluffy and ruffled that all she wanted to do was run her hands through it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She elbowed him. ‘I told you to not bring it up!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her eyes were trained on the TV and fought back her nerves.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘And that you…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Cassian.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Yes, sweetheart?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Stop making fun of me.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I wasn’t trying to do that. I didn’t take anything you said lightly.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Maybe you should,’ she said, and glanced at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For whatever reason, Nesta expected Cassian to back off after this, maybe even dim his mood a bit. Yet his seriousness turned into a goofy smile, one that made her grip her mug tighter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You’re not going to scare me away, Nesta. Not now, not ever. Now shut up and hit play, I love watching Sofia Vergara. Her boobs are as big as yours.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta elbowed him again. <em>Harder.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Sometime during the third episode of Modern Family, Nesta dozed off. When she woke up, her head was on Cassian’s arm, who had his hand placed atop of hers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She swore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Part of her didn’t want to move. They were barely touching, true, but it felt so… Surreal. Both of them like this, not bickering, close enough to do everything, anything…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She stood up and pulled the duvet over Cassian, who was actually sleeping this time. Without thinking twice, she brushed some of his hair from his eyes, and allowed herself a moment to touch his cheek. Her heart fluttered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Fuck, fuck, fuck.</em> Why was she feeling like this?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Without another glance, Nesta went straight to her bedroom, where she fell asleep in her own bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p><em>‘His hand brushed past her navel, inching closer to the place she needed him most… Moans erupted from her mouth as his fingers entered her and had her pinned to the bed… She lost all sense of herself and the world when he dipped down, kissing his way from her neck to her stomach, then taking off her last piece of clothing and spreading her legs wide open. Eridya pulled at the ropes around her wrists that kept her in place when his tongue licked…</em> Holy shit, Nesta, and I thought my imagination was wild. This is the best thing I’ve read in years! Look, I almost have a boner!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta awoke for the third time that day, giving Cassian a confused look. He was sitting on her desk chair and there was something in his hands — a red notebook.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A… red… <em>notebook.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>She bolted so fast from her bed and snatched it from his hands before he could object, but his booming laugh made her blood churn in her veins. ‘What the fuck, Cassian?! You can’t snoop through my things!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was laughing so hard that he bent down, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. Nesta put the notebook under her pillow, glowering and more than embarrassed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘It was on your desk, I was just checking if you’re still alive. Why do you have a sex journal?!’ he asked, still laughing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘It’s not a sex journal, you moron! Those are my characters!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta fought back to hit him with a book as he laughed and laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I am being honest now, that was <em>wild as fuck. </em>Damn, Nes, you? Into stuff like BDSM? You keep surprising me every day.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Shut up or I’m going to do something I’ll probably regret.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Can I read more?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What? Of course not!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His laughter faded, replaced by a frown. ‘Why not? I liked it.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Unbelievable. He was unbelievable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Because it’s private!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was nearly dark outside and the fairy lights were illuminating her room. God, did she sleep the entire day?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Okay then, I need to ask you a question, and I want you to answer truthfully.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘No.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian smirked. ‘Fine. Then this is a request. Remember them, right? I still have two left.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta squinted her eyes at him. Exhaled loudly. ‘Fine.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Tell me one of your kinks.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eyes bulging and mouth wide open, Nesta felt her entire face go scarlet. ‘I am not telling you that!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But then he stood up and took a step towards her, then another and another until he was so close to her that she had to look away. His hand cupped her chin and tilted her head back so he could look at her properly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Why are you so embarrassed about it? I’m not asking because I want to mock you, I’m asking because I am genuinely curious. I’ll tell you one of mine if it’ll help,’ he winked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta didn’t know on what to focus — his hand on her face, him being so close that her hands were aching to touch him, his words, his smile, his eyes…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Snap out of it!</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I-I…I d-don’t…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was worse than the last time she stammered in front of him like a blabbering fool, because the last time he wasn’t <em>so fucking close.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian’s smile turned gentle. ‘Nesta.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She didn’t reply, focusing on her weak knees.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Listen to me,’ he said, rubbing his finger across her cheek. ‘While your shyness is the most delicious thing in the world and it fills me with adoration for you, you really don’t need it with me. And I know it’s easier said than done, but try. There’s nothing you could do or say that would be wrong.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And she desperately wanted to believe him, because part of her guessed that his words were true. There was sincerity in those eyes. But the thing is… She liked things she didn’t even try. How could she call them kinks if she never tried them?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I-I never tried any of them.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Any of what?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Any of the things that I… like,’ she confessed, cringing at her words. ‘BDSM, I guess? What I wrote about? Okay, now I need to do the dishes.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian didn’t let her go that easily. His hands took hold of hers and pulled her back gently.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘When I first had sex, I didn’t know shit. I mean I knew how sex worked, what I was supposed to do, but I felt under so much pressure to perform well that I didn’t really enjoy it that much. I didn’t know what I liked for a very long time and then I was afraid to voice out my desires because I either felt embarrassed or thought that the other mightnot like it. The point is not to convince them to do what you want to do, because that’s not really fair, but to share your desires, because you never really know. It’s weird and frightening and I hated doing that, especially because I knew I had no feelings for them. But what’s most important is for you to trust the other enough to let go of that fear. If you cling to it then you won’t ever enjoy it and you’ll be stuck thinking that you <em>need </em>to do what’s expected to do, not what you<em> feel</em> like doing.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He flicked her nose and smiled so dearly at her. ‘You’re the most incredible and fascinating person I’ve ever met, Nesta Archeron. Nothing about you scares me or would make me turn my back on you. And I want you to know that you have my entire trust,’ he said, then took her hand and placed it on his chest. ‘and my heart.’</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. 'You are seriously asking for a brain injury right now'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two days passed.</p><p> </p><p>Two days passed since Cassian said those words that managed to keep her up at night (either out of fear or excitement) and things between them became… very <em>unlike</em> them.</p><p> </p><p>For starters, Nesta willingly spent time with Cassian. Not so much at first — maybe she’d watch an episode or two while they ate dinner and made jokes about the characters, which turned in them talking about other things about themselves, which resulted in Nesta giving Cassian insights to her life. And she thought it would be weird and scary and uncomfortable, but it wasn’t, because he also had some pretty bad stories to tell. That made Nesta feel safe enough to share some of her own bad stuff.</p><p> </p><p>They played games together. Cassian still beat her ass at almost every game, but she won a game here and there — and she was willing to bet her life that Cassian was letting her win, if only for the sheer joy on her face and cry of victory.</p><p> </p><p>They even did their own things in the same room — while Nesta either read or wrote (now Cassian was banned from even attempting to read anything of hers), Cassian would either do some coursework, work out (she’d secretly check him out every time) or read books for his courses. They were all psychological books, which unnerved her, because it reminded her that Cassian was good with people. He could read her emotions so, so easily, it sometimes infuriated her.</p><p> </p><p>And all the while, Nesta’s weariness around him vanished steadily. They still bickered like hell, but it was lighthearted. One of them would say something a little bit too funny at some point and the other would burst out laughing, ruining the whole thing. Their fights didn’t last too long.</p><p> </p><p>But then it was that palpable tension, usually when they were watching something and they were sitting a bit too close. And Nesta knew that Cassian also felt that way, because she’d see how he fidgeted with the pillows and blankets. The mere thought that Cassian could feel even a tiny bit nervous made her sigh in relief; at least she wasn’t the only one.</p><p> </p><p>On a Saturday evening, after Cassian cooked dinner (she made an attempt to cook once and it turned out bad, so Cassian did it) she decided to take a long bath.</p><p> </p><p>The thing about long, steamy baths? Things get wet and slippery fast. And when she slipped and fell <em>hard </em>on the bathroom floor, Nesta realised that maybe she should’ve opened the fucking window first.</p><p> </p><p>She stifled her yelp of pain in her hand, turning over to look at her busted knee. She fell hard on it, hard enough that it was starting to swell and turn purple.</p><p> </p><p>‘Nesta, are you okay? I heard a loud noise.’ Cassian asked behind the door.</p><p> </p><p>‘Yeah, I…’ she panted, looking around for her towel. It was discarded near the sink. ‘I slipped and fell.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Did you hurt yourself? Do you need help?’</p><p> </p><p>‘No, I’m… fine,’ she stretched for the towel, whimpering at the throbbing pain in her knee, and exhaled in relief when she snatched it. If she didn’t get out of here soon, she’d faint from the steam.</p><p> </p><p>She managed to sit up and wrap the towel tightly around her, avoiding to lean on her left leg. Jumping to the door in one foot wouldn’t be too hard, and she could put a pack of ice on it and then—</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You can’t jump, dumbass, the floor is still wet. You’ll just break something else.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>‘Fuck,’ she whispered, leaning on the sink. The pain was bad, bad enough that she couldn’t even bend her leg. ‘Cassian?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Yes?’ he answered immediately. Of course he was still there.</p><p> </p><p>‘I, uh… Come in.’</p><p> </p><p>A beat of silence. ‘Are you decent?’</p><p> </p><p>She clenched her teeth in frustration. ‘Do you care?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Not particularly, but you do,’ he said as he opened the door, then frowned at the wave of heat that hit his face. His eyes scanned her from head to toes, then stopped on her injured knee, eyes widening. ‘How the hell did you manage to do that? It’s already purple!’</p><p> </p><p>‘Shut up and help me get to my room, I’m going to faint in here!’</p><p> </p><p>‘You’re hopeless,’ he said, then gently scooped her up in his arms. Her hands went around his neck and for a second he just stood there, unsure.</p><p> </p><p>‘What are you doing?’</p><p> </p><p>‘First time I’m holding you and you’re basically naked. Funny how fate works, right?’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta slapped him over the shoulder and ordered him to take her to her room, where he deposited her on the bed and helped her find some pyjamas.</p><p> </p><p>‘These? Oooh no, this top is cute as fuck, how about this?’ Cassian took out a white tank top with cherries all over it. It was also short and had too much cleavage.</p><p> </p><p>Nesta levelled him a look. ‘No. I said the black one. It’s literally on one of the hangers.’</p><p> </p><p>Cassian kept rummaging through her closet. ‘This?’</p><p> </p><p>He pulled out a black top — except it was sheer and made of lace.</p><p> </p><p>‘Please wear this. <em>Please.’</em></p><p> </p><p>‘No!’</p><p> </p><p>‘Consider it my early birthday present?’ he pouted, clutching the piece of clothing close to his heart.</p><p> </p><p>‘No. Find the t-shirt!’</p><p> </p><p>It was rather awkward, sitting on her bed half-naked and dripping wet while Cassian took his sweet time.</p><p> </p><p>When Cassian took out something she almost forgot she had, Nesta almost squealed. ‘I think my brain just went haywire.’</p><p> </p><p>He held up a black-and-red lacy corset and the matching suspender briefs. She bought them on a whim ages ago when they caught her eye in a lingerie shop and tried them on. There was also some matching thongs in there, but he certainly didn’t need to see those as well.</p><p> </p><p>‘Cassian, put them back!’ she threw one of her throw pillows at him, then another. ‘I mean it!’</p><p> </p><p>He was looking at her with those big, puppy eyes. ‘Why can’t you sleep in these? They look so comfortable. And<em> fucking hot.</em>’</p><p> </p><p>She could just <em>feel </em>her cheeks reddening. He was infuriating. ‘No!’</p><p> </p><p>‘I have a terminal disease and this is my dying wish, you can’t be this heartless!’</p><p> </p><p>‘Watch me!’</p><p> </p><p>‘Stop screaming at me, it just turns me on!’ he yelled back. ‘You know, I could just use this as my last request…’</p><p> </p><p>When Nesta squinted her eyes at him in a way that meant trouble, Cassian’s voice faltered. He rolled his eyes, then put the clothes back in the closet. ‘I’ll see you again one day,’ he whispered to the corset.</p><p> </p><p>He was more dramatic than her, if that was even possible.</p><p> </p><p>‘Is this the one?’ he pulled out an oversized t-shirt with a quote from Star Wars.</p><p> </p><p>‘Finally,’ she sighed. ‘Now give me some shorts as well.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Oh trust me, you don’t need those. I’ll just keep dropping stuff on the floor and asking you to pick them up for me.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Cassian, you are seriously asking for a brain injury right now.’</p><p> </p><p>‘It’s okay, just looking at you like this, half naked and wet, will probably give me a stroke.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Oh Jesus Christ, get out and let me change. Bring me an ice pack, please.’</p><p> </p><p>He gave her a pair of shorts — the shortest ones he could find — and ruffled her wet hair on the way out. ‘As my lady commands.’</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>For all his talk, Cassian was a fussy one. Even though he cracked two jokes per minute, his worry was more that obvious: icing her knee until it turned into a popsicle, giving her anti inflammatory meds, making sure she has everything she needs in her room and asking her if she’s sure she doesn’t need to go to the hospital.</p><p> </p><p>‘It’s just swollen, Cassian, I didn’t bust my kneecap.’</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t seem convinced, but after giving her a book from the shelves she requested, he brought his own laptop and continued to do his coursework from her desk. Music was blasting from the speakers in the living room and her fairy lights made her room seem cosier than usual. When she demanded to know why he was in here, Cassian merely said that <em>‘he’d want first row seats if she died’.</em> Nesta flipped him off.</p><p> </p><p>The pain subdued after a couple of hours, but it still hurt when she bend it. Cassian kept sneaking a glance here and there, making it hard for her to focus on her book.</p><p> </p><p>‘Cassian?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Yeah?’ he asked, eyes still trained on his laptop screen.</p><p> </p><p>‘I’ve never seen you flirt with other girls.’</p><p> </p><p>He turned towards her, confusion written in the lines of his forehead. ‘You’re a very observant person, then.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Why not?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Why not <em>why?’</em></p><p> </p><p>‘Girls flirt with you at parties all the time. Why don’t you flirt back?’</p><p> </p><p>He smirked. ‘I’ve seen plenty of guys attempt to flirt with you too Nes, but you always brush them off.’</p><p> </p><p>‘This isn’t about me.’</p><p> </p><p>Cassian rolled his eyes. ‘I don’t flirt with them because I have no interest in them.’</p><p> </p><p><em>But you flirted with me plenty of times,</em> she desperately wanted to say.</p><p> </p><p>Cassian seemed to figure out what was going through her mind, because he closed his laptop and moved to sit at the edge of her bed. ‘Please don’t tell me you’re wondering why I’m flirting with<em> you.’</em></p><p> </p><p>‘I’m… Well, yeah, I am,’ she said quietly.</p><p> </p><p>His hand rested on her leg. ‘Because I <em>like</em> you, smartass. And because I figured telling you before wouldn’t do me much good.’</p><p> </p><p>‘And what changed now?’</p><p> </p><p>There was hope in those eyes, she realised now. Was it there before?</p><p> </p><p>‘You told me you like me first,’ he winked and Nesta groaned. ‘Maybe we should get you drunk more often, find out what else you think about me.’</p><p> </p><p>Before Nesta could answer, her phone alarm went off. They were streaming the latest episode from Grey’s Anatomy!</p><p> </p><p>Carefully, testing her leg, Nesta stood up. Cassian looked like he was going to protest, but she quickly flipped him off. ‘I can walk to the couch, Grey’s is on. You can join me if you want, but if you interrupt me I <em>will </em>hurt you.’</p><p> </p><p>Cassian smiled and shook his head. ‘Fine. At least lean on me, don’t put all your weight on that leg.’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta saw the opportunity and took it. ‘Are you calling me fat, Cassian?’</p><p> </p><p>His arm sneaked around her waist and pulled her close, close enough that her breath hitched.</p><p> </p><p>‘Never. You have a heavenly body, sweetheart. Want me to prove it to you?’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta fought back the urge to smack him, but her lack of response just made him laugh. Great.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>‘I bet you didn’t think you’d be stuck watch a hot sex scene with me,’ Cassian mused while Nesta tried hard not to turn her eyes from the TV. ‘Though I’m sure we could make that look hotter. Do you wanna recreate it?’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta bit down her tongue. This wasn’t going well.</p><p> </p><p>‘You’re making it very hard for me not to hit you right now, you know?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Damn, already trying to turn me on? Because it’s working.’</p><p> </p><p>She sighed and switched the channel. It was too much to watch those two go at it like there was no tomorrow, and Cassian was obviously not going to stop.</p><p> </p><p>‘Already flustered?’</p><p> </p><p>She gave him an icy look. ‘I am<em> not</em> flustered.’</p><p> </p><p>But when he closed the gap between them, legs and hips and arms touching, Nesta stopped breathing. Her first instinct was to pull back but his hand circled her waist and kept her there, torturing her.</p><p> </p><p>‘Now you are.’</p><p> </p><p>‘This isn’t funny,’ she mumbled, then dared to look up to him. Fuck, he was <em>so so so </em>close, she could just…</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>No. Absolutely not.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>‘Do you want me to let go?’ he asked, smiling coyly, because that bastard already knew the answer.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t want to voice it out, but it felt good, almost too good to be touched and held and looked at like<em> that </em>— the way Cassian looked at her.</p><p> </p><p>‘You know I still have that last request to make, right?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Oh for fuck’s sake, Cassian, if you—‘</p><p> </p><p>‘No, wait, please hear me out. I’m not going to ask you to do anything stupid.’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta waited, heart beating wildly in her chest, especially when she realised how serious he looked. And when he kept looking at her lips with some sort of longing and fear, Nesta stilled.</p><p> </p><p>This <em>was</em> serious and she <em>was </em>probably going to faint.</p><p> </p><p>‘Don’t… Don’t kill me for this.’</p><p> </p><p>And then he kissed her.</p><p> </p><p>His lips were on hers, soft and tender and almost afraid, and the impact of that made Nesta’s mind stop working completely. She inhaled almost instinctually and<em> tried</em> to make her own lips work, tried to move, to kiss him back because <em>stars above</em> this was what she so desperately wanted and yet she was fucking paralysed.</p><p> </p><p>When Cassian pulled back, his expression probably mirrored hers. And because Nesta knew he was most certainly going to apologise, she said:</p><p> </p><p>‘Don’t say sorry. I want to kiss you more than anything right now, but I-I just…’</p><p> </p><p>‘Nesta?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Yes?’</p><p> </p><p>He smiled as their hands laced together. ‘My <em>actual</em> last request is for you to let go of your nerves because you don’t need them. I’m hopelessly in love with you and I’ve been <em>dying </em>to kiss you for what seems like forever, so this is pretty much like a dream come true for me.’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta thought she heard wrong.</p><p> </p><p>‘Did you just say… you’re in love with me?’ she asked, full of disbelief.</p><p> </p><p>Yet when he touched her cheek and looked at her with so much adoration and joy, Nesta lost all sense of herself.</p><p> </p><p>‘I am very, very in love with you,’ he said again, and Nesta smiled. She smiled while tears were threatening to spill at any second, because she must’ve been dreaming. ‘I’ve never felt like this about anyone in my whole life.’</p><p> </p><p>His voice was strained with emotion, which gave her enough courage to reach up and kiss him.</p><p> </p><p>This time, Nesta didn’t hold back.</p><p> </p><p>Her lips finally worked and she sighed when they moved in sync with his, his hands moving up to grasp her hips, her waist, her neck and then cup both her cheeks. There was nothing holding her back as she pushed herself into him, opening her mouth and kissing him with so much need and heat that his low groan sent shivers down her spine, made her picture him like this without any clothes on, gasping for air and caught up in pleasure—</p><p> </p><p>It was difficult to breathe. While Cassian attempted to kiss her gently, Nesta made it obvious just how much she needed <em>more,</em> and he obliged. He pushed her down the couch, careful of her leg, and kissed her like there was no tomorrow. She reached up and pulled him close, close enough that their bodies were touching in all the right places, giving her room to grip his arms, to run her hands through his hair until he was hardly breathing anymore.</p><p> </p><p>He kissed the corner of her mouth, her cheeks, her neck, and then bit down hard enough and sucked that Nesta cried out loud. There was such tension in her body and it was hard to hold herself back — she wanted more, more of this, more of him.</p><p> </p><p>His lovely onslaught on her neck left Nesta panting. Each time he sucked and nibbled at her sensitive skin, Nesta thrusted her body upwards, needing more friction, more of him on her— until he pressed down her body hard enough that she let a moan slip past her lips.</p><p> </p><p>‘I’m pretty sure I’m going to die from this,’ he said then, running a finger down her flushed face. ‘You’re the most beautiful thing in the world, Nesta.’</p><p> </p><p>She grinned and pulled him in for another kiss, hooking her legs behind his back. Cassian groaned.</p><p> </p><p>‘I hope I made it obvious enough that I reciprocate your feelings,’ she said, kissing his cheek.</p><p> </p><p>‘I’d rather hear you say it.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Let’s not get over ourselves now.’</p><p> </p><p>And then he thrusted his hips into hers and kissed and bit her neck until she made another embarrassing noise of pure bliss. Nesta clamped a hand over her mouth, eyes shut tight.</p><p> </p><p>‘Then how about I do this until you can’t take it anymore?’ he drawled, kissing her cheek. ‘I can do this all night, love. Can you keep up?’</p><p> </p><p>Her blush deepened and her first instinct was to pull him off her and run to her room, but Cassian had her pinned in place. He wasn’t going to let her go now.</p><p> </p><p>Smirking, Cassian leaned down until their foreheads were touching. She wasn’t sure she was breathing anymore.</p><p> </p><p>‘You’re not getting anything out of me,’ she said, and though she tried to make it sound stern, it came out like a whimper.</p><p> </p><p>Cassian smirked. ‘I was hoping you’d say that.’</p><p> </p><p>Before she could ask what he was talking about, Cassian’s hands slipped under her t-shirt and gripped her hips while slowly kissing her neck, then collarbone, then chest. Caught between pleasure and stubbornness, Nesta wondered if she should just give in and say out loud what she was already feeling.</p><p> </p><p>But then she didn’t want him to stop…</p><p> </p><p>She shuddered when he left a trail of kisses from her collarbones to her stomach while his hand lightly traced the skin underneath her breasts. It was all she could do to keep quiet, but then he kissed her thigh and Nesta bit her hand to stop her moaning.</p><p> </p><p>‘Okay, okay, it’s true,’ she panted, looking down at Cassian to find him smirking. ‘I do have a lot of romantic feelings for you. That’s it, that’s all you’re getting, now stop torturing me. It’s not fair.’</p><p> </p><p>He kissed her inner thigh one more time before propping himself on his elbows to look at her. There was a goofy smile on his face, one that was definitely matching her own.</p><p> </p><p>‘Say that again.’</p><p> </p><p>‘That I have romantic feelings for you?’</p><p> </p><p>He closed his eyes and sighed. ‘I must be in heaven.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Don’t get too used to it. I’m not going to say it too often.’</p><p> </p><p>Cassian kissed her forehead, then her cheeks and pecked her lips. It was such a sweet, short kiss that it made her whole body sing with need.</p><p> </p><p>‘That’s where you’re wrong, sweetheart. You’re going to be saying a lot of things and I can promise you that most of them won’t even be coherent.’</p><p> </p><p>‘You’re insufferable.’</p><p> </p><p>‘That’s why you like me, right?’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta smiled, pulling him close once more. ‘It’s one of the many reasons.’</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. 'It's not a crime to admit that you almost died from missing me'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the long wait! I promise the next chapter will contain some steamy content and I'll upload sooner &lt;3 <br/>Enjoy!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cassian didn’t dare move, breathe, <em>think </em>all throughout their first kisses; he couldn’t afford to, because what if he was just dreaming? What if the first unexpected movement shattered this beautiful illusion? What if he woke up alone in his own apartment, cursing himself for not doing something about his feelings?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But fucking hell, <em>it was real. </em>It was the realest thing in the whole fucking universe and it was happening to <em>him. </em>He didn’t want to fuck anything up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He tried being slow about it, thinking that Nesta wasn’t the type of person who liked being rushed, but she was<em> ravenous. </em>He knew she was a fiery person, but her hunger and passion and pure desire almost drove him mad. All he could think of when she made a small noise or moved a certain way was that he wanted her naked, panting, sweaty, cursing and moaning and unraveling under him and on top and every other way she wanted. It was a miracle Cassian managed not to go overboard and push his luck, because he <em>so </em>wanted her, it was insane. He had never wanted anyone so much in his entire life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And the demon was making it so hard, with her curious touching and unsuspecting desire. He almost wanted to ask her if she even knew how much he desired her, but that probably wasn’t very proper after a few make out sessions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But then they stopped, and they talked. They talked about things and there was no more space between them, because Cassian simply couldn’t keep his hands to himself and even though Nesta complained about it, she seemed content to have him stroke her hair and trace her delicious curves. He could have done that all night, if she let him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He saw that she was getting sleepy and was seconds from falling asleep. Cassian watched her fluttering eyelashes, her adorable pout, her relaxed body as Cassian ran his fingers over her back. Her head was on his arm, so close to his face that he could hardly think clearly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Why didn’t you tell me sooner?’ she asked, bringing her hand up to play with his hair. That simple gesture made his eyes water a bit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>God, he wished so much for this to happen that now it didn’t even seem real.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I wasn’t sure if you’d rather kill me for laugh in my face, so I didn’t want to take any chances.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A mocking smile bloomed on her face as she opened her eyes. ‘You? Nervous? That seems unlikely.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You make me nervous all the time. I’m never too sure when it comes to you, except my feelings for you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her features softened as she pulled herself as close as she possibly could and kissed him, then rested her head on his shoulder. ‘For me it was the exact opposite. Funny how that works.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian’s heart was pounding as Nesta entwined their legs and moved an arm across his torso — he certainly wouldn’t have taken her for the affectionate type, but it seems he was wrong. Again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sent a thanks to whoever was up there and kissed the top of Nesta’s head, who was probably asleep by that point.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was a lucky bastard.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The first rays of sunlight awoke Nesta from her slumber, and for the first few seconds she didn’t know why the hell did she sleep on her couch — but then she felt Cassian’s arms around her, and it all came to light.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Literally.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her first instinct was to bolt to her room — which she subtly tried to do, but Cassian felt her shift next to him and tightened his grip on her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Don’t even think of sneaking away,’ he muttered in her hair. ‘Go to sleep, it’s early.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Begrudgingly, she did. Next time she woke up, the blinds were down and Cassian was no longer next to her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wasn’t even in the house, so she texted him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Where are you?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>running. miss me already?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Ew, no. Can you stop at the shop? I’m craving Sour Patch Kids.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>aren’t u sour enough tho?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Just get them.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>can i also get that ass? ;)</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>You can get a restraining order if you don’t stop texting me. Run into a pole or something.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>always so romantic. see you in an hour, sweetheart.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Ew, bye.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Despite her complaints, Nesta’s heart melted at the nickname. It was hard to. And it was hard not to stare at him once he got home, all sweaty and shirtless and ruffled — and the bastard knew that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thankfully, Nesta managed to put herself together after she texted him. She took a shower, washed her face, brushed her teeth, combed her hair, changed her clothes and managed to actually eat something. When Cassian finally showed up, she made an effort to swallow down the food and not gawk at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I got you the disgusting sour things,’ he said, placing four packs on the kitchen table, where she was seated. ‘And I also got— why are you looking at me like you’re going to faint?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta shook her head immediately. ‘I’m not!’ she said, then took another spoonful of cereal.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian pulled out a chair and sat as close as possible to her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck fuck fuck fuck</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Are you feeling okay?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She murmured a ‘yes’ and continued to watch <em>Elite </em>on her iPad. Was it<em> that </em>obvious that she wanted him?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Before she could react, Cassian moved her hair to the side and kissed her bare shoulder, then her neck. The spoon fell on the table and she bit down her tongue.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You know, it’s not a crime to admit that you almost died from missing me,’ he drawled, kissing her below her ear. Nesta shuddered, clenching her thighs together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’d sooner admit to suffocating you in your sleep.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian turned her around so fast that she yelped. Once she was facing him, there was no hiding, no denial — he was absolutely gorgeous like this. And he knew, the idiot <em>knew</em> and was taking advantage of that!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His palms splayed on her naked thighs, inching higher and higher. It took everything in her power to hold his gaze.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘As long as you do that with <em>these,’</em> he said, gently squeezing her thighs, ‘then be my guest. I wanna go out in style. My friends will remember my name forever.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Being suffocated by my thighs? Wow, you must have some<em> really</em> wild dreams.’ she retorted, smiling slightly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian smirked, leaning forward to kiss her cheek, then bite her earlobe. Nesta almost jumped, but his hands on her thighs kept her in place. ‘Oh, love, you don’t know the half of it.’</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian was still in the shower when her sister called. Part of her wanted to decline the call because she just wasn’t in the mood for a conversation with Feyre, being too caught up in her not-so-PG-13-thoughts with Cassian, but she picked it up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Nesta! Are you okay?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Feyre’s high pitched and joyous voice made her want to smile and cringe at the same time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Why wouldn’t I be?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Well, because Cassian is there. I’m not going to lie, I was expecting a call from the police informing me that you’re being accused of first degree murder or something.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta couldn’t help but smile. ‘Please, you think I’d leave any traces behind? I’m not an amateur.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘So he’s not dead, right?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Do you actually think I’d kill him?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’d rather not answer to that question, Nesta.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘He’s not. He’s taking a shower.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She could practically see her grin. ‘Did you see him naked yet?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What? No! Why would I see him naked?!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Well, he’s not exactly bad looking…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Didn’t you have a boyfriend?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Just because I’m cuffed it doesn’t mean I can’t admire the beauty of others, Nesta. I’m an artist, I see nude models quite often.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘And how does your boyfriend feel about that?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Oh, he even volunteered to model for one of my classes. It was quite hilarious, cause I managed to make certain faces and movements that turned him on in front of the whole class. It was priceless! He’s been banned ever since.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta couldn’t help but laugh. Feyre joined her, offering more details to that particular embarrassing situation — how in a room full of professionals, Rhysand managed to get a boner that he wasn’t able to hide. Too bad no one recorded that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Hey, I read online that quarantine’s supposed to last for two more weeks only. I’ll be glad to finally go out.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’ll be glad to get rid of…’ she stopped when Cassian stepped out of the bathroom, towel hung loosely around his hips. Her eyes trailed the hard muscles of his abdomen, lower, lower, until she—</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Fucking hell, Cassian, put on some clothes!’ she yelled, turning around. ‘This isn’t the zoo!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He laughed while Feyre was screaming in her ear to tell her what was going on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Is he naked? How does he look? Give me details, damn it!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Is that Feyre? Tell her I said hi and that I miss her!’ he said as he picked up some clothes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘He says that he hates you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I highly doubt that. Cassian doesn’t even know how to hold a grudge. Once I accidentally broke his Xbox and he forgave me… After he cried like a bitch for half an hour.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Didn’t you agree to go to the gym with him after that though?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Yeah, just to make up for it. I kept embarrassing him though, I’d say stuff like <em>‘stop trying to hit on me, you’re my brother!’</em> and ‘<em>us being in love isn’t a wrong thing. The fact that we’re siblings is completely irrelevant. So what if I’m pregnant? The baby will be fine, how is being different a bad thing?’</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta almost pissed herself from laughing. By the time Cassian came out of the bathroom, she made an excuse and promised to call Feyre later, then she hung up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Talking shit about me?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Please, you’re not that special.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Oh, really?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He almost jumped on her, suffocating her under his weight while smothering her with kisses all over her face. Nesta laughed and tried to pull him off of her, but she relented — she always did with him. She let him kiss her until their kisses turned from playful to soft ones, to fiery ones. Her hands wound up in his still wet hair and delighted in the way his naked skin felt under her hands, his body pressed into hers. God, she could do this all they.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Which is what they mostly did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And he was so damn good at it that Nesta didn’t even have any more power to argue with him about pointless stuff. Time ceased to exist as his wandering hands explored her body and she almost begged him to touch her under her clothes, to <em>properly</em> touch her, but it seemed a bit rushed. Or was it just her imagination? Did it even matter if she waited or not, if in the end Nesta wanted Cassian just as much?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That was a particularly weird concept and all people had a different perspective. Sex, to some, was no big deal, which was fine. To others, it was something important and they wanted to wait, which was also fine. Others liked doing it in the first week or on the first date or after they got married or after a year of being together. She thought that it all came down to how the person felt about intimacy and how ready she/he was — but having to wait an undetermined amount of time for no particular reason other than social expectations seemed ridiculous. Men were never shamed for having sex whenever they wanted, but women were.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Nesta never hooked up with anyone before, but she was pretty certain she wanted to have sex with Cassian. At some point. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in ten days, maybe in ten months.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She <em>craved</em> him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Can I ask you something weird?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘All your questions end up being weird, but do go on,’ he said, kissing her forehead and leaning on his side.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Don’t make fun of me for asking you this.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I <em>never</em> make fun of you!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She cast him a glance that said otherwise. ‘I’m going to overlook that statement. Anyway, why do you like sex?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He definitely didn’t expect <em>that</em>. ‘I feel like this is a trick question.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘It’s not. I’m curious.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Taken aback by her question, Cassian pondered it while playing with the hair tie on his wrist. ‘Well… I guess because it’s a physical need? Why are you even asking me that, I haven’t had sex in ages!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was nice to see him a bit flustered for a change.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Why not?’ she asked, fighting back a smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Because of you, smarts. Need you even ask?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Why do you like sex?’ she asked again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Because sometimes it’s just like an itch that needs to be scratched, and sometimes it’s more than that. It depends on the person you do it with, I guess…?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘So you like sex.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘As much as the next guy, I think. Do <em>you</em> like sex?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta narrowed her eyes. They both knew Nesta never actually <em>had </em>sex and naturally, it was about time he started teasing her about it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘This isn’t about me.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Why not? Do you <em>not</em> like sex? It’s a simple question, love.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I know it’s a simple question,<em> love,</em> but I wanted to know <em>your </em>answer, since I already know <em>mine</em>.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Okay, fine, I do. It depends on your partner most of the time. What even made you like stuff like BDSM?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The sudden change of conversation left her speechless for about a second. Ugh, why did she even mention that to him?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Books,’ she answered quickly. ‘Do you even <em>know</em> what that is, anyway?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His grin was rather frightening, because Nesta realised all too late that Cassian was probably well versed in things like these.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Would you like to find out just how much I know, sweetheart? I’ll give you a tip though, I prefer being the dominant one.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>That </em>little detail made her blood boil and head spin. Alarmed, a little bit turned on and quite embarrassed, Nesta made up a very lame excuse and basically lunged for her bedroom, where she isolated herself until her racing heart calmed down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>God, that boy was going to be the death of her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. 'This wouldn't feel right without a few injuries here and there.'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the long wait!! NSFW chapter ahead, at long last! :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There had been an… incident.</p><p> </p><p>‘Incident’ was putting it mildly, though — Nesta made it seem like it was the end of the world, when Cassian found her reaction more hilarious than the incident itself. She really was a dramatic one.</p><p> </p><p>One day ago, when Cassian was out running for his life (the cops spotted him, so his jogging turned into a full-on race), Nesta was doing what Nesta knew best — dissociating from the mundane world and transporting herself into her ideal dimensions. One he stepped inside her apartment and heard that her Disney playlist was on, he knew that she was out of this world. Most certainly daydreaming about one with brewing wars and whatnot. He couldn’t really blame her for that.</p><p> </p><p>But the music was so loud that she didn’t hear him come in, so while he was busy drinking a galloon of water and trying to catch his breath from that tiring chase, Nesta stepped out from the bathroom in nothing but her underwear.</p><p> </p><p>And when he said underwear, he meant just a pair of blue panties. Cassian got a full view of her boobs while she was hand drying her wet hair with a towel and it took her a second too long to notice him staring. When she did, all hell broke loose.</p><p> </p><p>Nesta covered herself inhumanly fast with that towel and screamed at him like there was no tomorrow. Cassian was stuck between laughing and being in awe of what he’d just beheld. At least now he knew — her boobs were definitely big. And <em>so gorgeous.</em></p><p> </p><p>Long short story, she was embarrassed as fuck and he was still thinking about it. He shouldn’t, he knew, but that image was stuck forever in his mind and he didn’t mind it one bit.</p><p> </p><p>Nesta locked herself in her room and ignored all his peas to open the door for him, no matter how many times he said that <em>‘nothing bad happened’ </em>and he <em>‘had seen plenty of boobs in his life’</em>, which definitely made it worse, and somehow managed to make it even worse when he added <em>‘but yours are definitely the best’</em>, so it was probably for the best to give her some space to deal with the fact that it truly wasn’t <em>that bad. </em>Even now, at 4 a.m. in the morning, Cassian was pondering on how best to make her understand that seeing a naked body wasn’t something horrible and it didn’t have to mean anything. Except he was a complete hypocrite, because when he wasn’t laughing at her reaction, he was imagining <em>other</em> inappropriate scenarios. It was best if she never knew about <em>those.</em></p><p> </p><p>Cassian had spent the day either attempting to lure her out of her room, doing coursework, working out some more, playing video games and now watching the ceiling like a complete nut job.</p><p> </p><p><em>If I were her I wouldn’t even dream of being embarrassed,</em> he told himself. <em>I wouldn’t even bother wearing a top inside. I’d definitely want them on full display as much as possible. Why is it such a bad thing?</em></p><p> </p><p>But then again, Nesta thought that sleeping naked was wrong, so it would be hard to convince her otherwise.</p><p> </p><p>He was half-asleep when he heard a door slightly open, but he thought it was just his imagination. Yet when he felt someone moving the covers and sitting down next to him, he bit back a smile.</p><p> </p><p>‘Forgave me yet?’ he asked, eyes still closed and not turning around to face that cold beauty of Nesta’s.</p><p> </p><p>Her body pressed into his, her face rested in the crook of his neck. All his humour faded bit by bit, replaced by a combination of shock and yearning. The worst part? She didn’t even do this as a form of sexual advance. Which made it even harder for him to calm down his racing heart.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes he really, really hated his mind.</p><p> </p><p>‘Shut up, I couldn’t sleep,’ she murmured, her hand searching for his.</p><p> </p><p>When he caught it he brought it to his lips and pressed a kiss into her palm. ‘What’s wrong?’</p><p> </p><p>‘I didn’t mean to… exaggerate earlier,’ she said softly. ‘I know I can be a handful sometimes.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Sometimes?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Okay, most of the times. Can we just pretend it never happened?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Would it make you feel better?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Yes.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Then I’ll only bring it up whenever I want to annoy you.’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta nudged him, but he knew she was smiling, so he gave in and turned around to face her.</p><p> </p><p>She was always so beautiful. Even now, with her long hair a frizzy mess and wearing what seemed like an incredibly oversized hoodie — not risking another flashing episode, perhaps — Nesta looked exquisite. And hot. Definitely hot.</p><p> </p><p>So hot that he felt intimidated by it.</p><p> </p><p>That… was <em>definitely</em> a new thing.</p><p> </p><p>‘So what brings you here?’ he asked as he placed his hand on her back. ‘Missed me?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Yes.’</p><p> </p><p>Cassian frowned, taken aback. ‘I didn’t expect that answer.’</p><p> </p><p>He also didn’t expect for her to push herself against him and lean in for a kiss.</p><p> </p><p>Her kisses did wonders to his body. One second, he had a long line of remarks to piss her off, and the next he was at her mercy. It was hard to stay still when her fingers wound up in his hair, pulling it slightly at the roots, then dragging her long nails down his back as she deepened the kiss.</p><p> </p><p>And he did what he probably shouldn’t do — he gave in.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Her gasp was muffled by Cassian’s lips on her own when he moved her on top of him so fast that she didn’t have time to react. His hands were under her hoodie and on her hips in an instant, trailing kisses down her neck and biting softly.</p><p> </p><p>‘I know you like being in control all the time,’ he whispered, moving his hands to the small of her back. ‘So I won’t take that control from you except if you tell me to.’</p><p> </p><p>When he pulled slightly back to look in her eyes, Nesta knew what he meant. ‘Only if you agree and want to.’</p><p> </p><p>She was aching and yearning and craving him so bad that it was hard to form any coherent thoughts, let alone speak, so she just nodded. Cassian smirked and shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>‘Words, love. Use your words.’</p><p> </p><p>She tried — and failed — to swallow that knot in her throat. ‘Yes,’ she breathed. ‘I want to.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Are you sure?’</p><p> </p><p>She was. But she was also terrified out of her mind.</p><p> </p><p>And he probably saw just that, because his movements stopped, so with fingers that were slightly shaking, Nesta gripped the ends of her hoodie and pulled it off, tossing it to the side, remaining only in her underwear.</p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t sure she was breathing anymore.</p><p> </p><p>It was a weird sensation, being looked at in such a slow, deliberate manner, one that pierced her heart like tiny, sharp knives. His eyes took her half nakedness in, hands still on her hips, yet the reaction wasn’t what she had expected — she didn’t set him off.</p><p> </p><p>That was… not how this played out in her head.</p><p> </p><p>Was she embarrassed? Damn sure.</p><p> </p><p>Her hands made to cover herself when Cassian stopped her, eyes locked on hers. ‘Don’t,’ he whispered. ‘You are the most beautiful creature in this world. You’re absolutely divine,’ he continued, leaning forward to press a kiss on her collarbone while slowly moving her hands aside. ‘Every part of you is beautiful. And I don’t want you to feel rushed to do anything, because we don’t have to.’</p><p> </p><p>Some of her nerves eased, but there was still tension in her bones. She knew what she wanted — damn it, why was it so hard to voice it out?</p><p> </p><p>‘I want to. Maybe… maybe take it step by step, but I want this.’</p><p> </p><p>Then she took his hands in hers and placed them on her breasts, noticing with delight his sharp intake of breath. ‘I want you to touch me.’</p><p> </p><p>Now that seemed to do the trick.</p><p> </p><p>He switched positions faster than she could object, pulling her under him and covering her mouth with a shattering kiss while one of his hands made its way upwards. Heat flooded her body as he grazed the skin under her right breasts, then cupped it in his hand while spreading her legs with his knee. Her own breath hitched when his fingers pinched her nipple, playing with it while his other hand grasped the other. His movements were gentle, almost slow, and she was panting by the time he lowered himself and kissed his way down to her chest, licking one of her hardened nipple then blowing cold air on it. When he properly took it in his mouth while playing with her left breast, Nesta threw her head back and closed her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>It was heavenly. The jolts of pleasure that shot through her body, the weight of his naked body on top of hers, his hands touching her. Nesta seriously didn’t think this could get any better before his mouth continued to kiss and lick its way down her navel and above her underwear. A rush of excitement and nervousness made her look up and saw his hands almost tug down her underwear, which is when something occurred to her — she forgot to shave.</p><p> </p><p>That thought made her body react in a very decent , ladylike manner: she stood up in sitting position so fast that she hit Cassian’s face with her knee <em>and</em> foot. If <em>that</em> wasn’t going to ruin the mood, then she didn’t know what would.</p><p> </p><p>‘Auch,’ he said, his hand rubbing his jaw, then looked at her with confusion. ‘Warn me next time?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you,’ she said, replacing his hand with hers on his cheek. ‘I’m really sorry.’</p><p> </p><p>She gently kissed his cheek while murmuring half comprehensible apologies — she was such an idiot. Of course this would happen to her. Why couldn’t this happen to Feyre instead? Her sex life was<em> too</em> perfect anyway.</p><p> </p><p>His grin made her pull back slightly, knowing that her face would reveal how embarrassed she felt. ‘I definitely didn’t plan for that to happen.’</p><p> </p><p>‘This wouldn’t feel right without a few injuries here and there,’ he laughed, kissing her palm. ‘It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt anymore.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Are you sure? I can bring you some ice or—‘</p><p> </p><p>‘Nes?’ he pulled her back when she attempted to move, draping an arm over her waist. ‘What’s wrong?’</p><p> </p><p>‘I might have just… panicked?’</p><p> </p><p>His smile turned soft. ‘Yeah, no shit. I kind of figured that one out. Why? You know we can stop at any time.’</p><p> </p><p>‘I know. I just suddenly remembered I didn’t prepare for this to happen and I might have forgotten to shave. It’s been like five days. I also wasn’t really planning on having this conversation now so I am very tempted to run to my room again and not come out this time.’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta watched as his smile was replaced by raised eyebrows and a slightly weird look. She did it — she managed to convince him that she was mad. Perfect.</p><p> </p><p>‘And I thought I was an idiot.’</p><p> </p><p>She gave him a puzzled look. ‘What does that mean?’</p><p> </p><p>‘So let me get this straight,’ he said, leaning on his side. ‘You hit me in the face with your leg twice <em>because</em> you suddenly remembered you forgot to shave <em>because </em>you didn’t plan for anything sexual to happen.’</p><p> </p><p>‘That’s kind of what I said a few seconds ago…’</p><p> </p><p>His face was a mix of amusement and stupor. ‘Can I be honest with you?’</p><p> </p><p>‘I… guess?’</p><p> </p><p>‘I could not give less of a fuck if you shaved or not, Nesta,’ he laughed, shaking his head. ‘You are the weirdest person I have ever met in my entire life.’</p><p> </p><p>He laughed so hard that a smile cracked on her face, yet she still nudged him. ‘Shut up, guys always complain about stuff like that!’</p><p> </p><p>‘Why would I complain about body hair?! It’s <em>your</em> body!’</p><p> </p><p>Oh, right. That information seemed to have escaped her.</p><p> </p><p>‘As I said before, I panicked! This stuff isn’t mentioned in the smuts I read!’</p><p> </p><p>‘Those smuts must be really unrealistic then.’</p><p> </p><p>Flashbacks of dirty one shots with characters like Hermione and Snape and the Winchester brothers made her pause. She wasn’t particularly proud of those reads.</p><p> </p><p>‘Oh, you have no idea,’ Nesta said, then blinked back to reality. Cassian was still watching her with a bemused expression. Self conscious, Nesta looked around for her hoodie. ‘Alright, I think this is my cue to…’</p><p> </p><p>‘I don’t think so.’</p><p> </p><p>Cassian gripped her wrists and pulled her under him, placing a leg over her own. ‘Just in case,’ he winked.</p><p> </p><p>‘Maybe we should call it a night. I embarrassed myself for long enough and I can’t take any more blows to my ego,’ she said, squirming underneath him.</p><p> </p><p>That last sentence was true. On top of feeling nervous and overwhelmed, now she was drowning in embarrassment and could feel how hot her face was, so there was no question if Cassian could notice it or not. Instead of letting her run away like she intended to, he leaned and kissed her forehead, then her lips while tightening his grip on her wrists. Nesta <em>almost</em> made a sound of pleasure.</p><p> </p><p>‘I’d rather not let you go just yet,’ he drawled, kissing her again. ‘And I don’t care how much you embarrass yourself, I still think you’re adorable. And hotter than hell.’</p><p> </p><p>That made her smile. ‘You sure know how to worm your way into my heart. But—‘</p><p> </p><p>Cassian’s hand moved on top of her panties and she jolted. He raised his eyebrows as he moved his fingers slowly up and down, feeling just how wet she was. ‘If I hear one more <em>but</em> from you, I swear I’ll kill you and then myself.’</p><p> </p><p>She sighed and closed her eyes when he pressed down on her clit, making her raise her hips for more.</p><p> </p><p>‘Do you want to stop?’</p><p> </p><p>’N-No,’ she muttered, already giving in to her desires.</p><p> </p><p>‘Are you sure?’</p><p> </p><p>She nodded, desperate for more friction, more of <em>anything</em>.</p><p> </p><p>‘Look at me,’ he said, and she did. ‘If you feel uncomfortable and want to stop, tell me. Perhaps without kicking me this time?’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta half laughed, too caught up in how his hand between her legs made her feel. ‘I won’t, I promise. And I don’t want you to stop.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Thank God, because I wanted to do this for quite a long time.’</p><p> </p><p>Before Nesta could call him a pervert, Cassian slipped his hand inside her panties and properly touched her. She whimpered and bit down her lower lip as his fingers played with her wetness, then slowly circling her clit.</p><p> </p><p>‘Fucking hell, you’re so damn wet,’ he almost groaned, leaning his forehead on hers.</p><p> </p><p>This was definitely different than all the times she had done it. For starters, Cassian had bigger hands than her, and knew exactly how to push her buttons, quite literally. She shuddered as he played with her clit as he slowly kissed her, taking his sweet time. His free hand cupped one of her breasts and pinched her nipple, drawing more sounds from her, sounds quickly devoured by his restless mouth. It burned her, all of it — his fingers, lips, tongue, touch. Her whole body was moving according to him, responding to his ministrations, begging for more.</p><p> </p><p>When he kissed his way down one more time, his hand still inside her panties, Nesta didn’t even think to stop him again. This time, she wanted more, as much as he would give her.</p><p> </p><p>Yet he still hesitated before tugging down her panties. His hands stilled as he kissed her stomach, waiting — waiting for her approval. Nesta felt it appropriate to just raise her hips as a response and make a disgruntled noise, making Cassian laugh. It was his fault for getting her so worked up.</p><p> </p><p>But then his hands were on her thighs and his lips soon replaced them and she became aware, all too aware of how naked she was, so she looked down and saw nothing but his messy hair as he bowed to kiss her inner thigh while his arms slowly spread her legs.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Fuck fuck fuck fuck</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She threw her head back and covered her face with both her hands. Even though she craved nothing more than this, her cowardice was starting to show. Is this how everyone felt their first time?</p><p> </p><p>Before her mind could start overthinking it, Cassian tugged both of her arms until he could intertwine their fingers.</p><p> </p><p>‘Don’t you dare cover your face,’ he said, his face so close to her core that she swore. ‘or hold back any sounds. I’ll tie you up if necessary.’</p><p> </p><p>Even though the prospect of that sounded more than appealing, Nesta didn’t have too much time to dwell on it, because the moment Cassian’s tongue licked her pussy, she was gone.</p><p> </p><p>All coherent thoughts left her mind as she focused solely on the movement of his tongue, all too slow, moving up and down while getting close to her clit, but not close enough. She panted and struggled to stay still, struggled to not dig her nails in his hands too much as pure bliss invaded her body.</p><p> </p><p>‘Fuck, you are so damn beautiful, I can’t believe this is actually real,’ he whispered, voice raspy. He bit down her thigh gently, making her yelp, then properly tasted her.</p><p> </p><p>Her jolt was so sudden that Nesta was surprised she didn’t kick him again. He was fast, though — with their hands still intertwined, Cassian moved them on her lower stomach and pushed down, keeping her still. A moan left her mouth as his tongue played with her clit, moving in gentle motions, obviously teasing her.</p><p> </p><p>‘Please don’t tease me now,’ she whimpered, and his laugh sent vibrations through her body.</p><p> </p><p>Still, he obeyed. His gentle licking became faster and faster, making her attempt to pull back her hand and cover her mouth, yet his grip on her was solid. Her hips buckled as she moaned, so caught up in the swirls of his tongue, moving in circles around her throbbing clit. Whenever he slowed down and then picked up the pace again, Nesta’s back arched and made to move away, but he kept her in place. She didn’t know what to focus on — his mouth, his tight grip, his low moans as she spread her legs wider and wider, craving more of him, craving everything.</p><p> </p><p>Cassian definitely took his time, switching from slow to fast, changing patterns and adding more pressure, enough to make her wish she had a gag around her mouth, because the sounds she was making were obscene. The building heat in her lower stomach made her raise her hips more while she uttered profanities, wishing she had something to bite down on.</p><p> </p><p>‘Fuck, fuck,’ she moaned, knowing just how close she was. Her orgasm was building fast, faster than she anticipated, and Cassian guessed just as much, because he didn’t slow down again.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t slow down at all. So while Nesta was struggling not to cry out too loud as waves and waves of pleasure took over her body and her legs began to jerk, Cassian’s tongue moved fast and applied just enough pressure to make her see stars. Her body was not hers anymore, not as it shook and attempted to pull back when the addicting pleasure subdued, replaced by the familiar sensitivity after an orgasm. Cassian, on the other hand, didn’t seem content to let go just yet.</p><p> </p><p>‘Cassian…’ she whimpered, managing to free her hands and touch his hair. Her legs were on his shoulders, and every time he licked her clit, her thighs clenched around his head.</p><p> </p><p>‘That was absolutely glorious,’ he mused, kissing her thigh. ‘Are you okay?’</p><p> </p><p>She nodded and mumbled something incoherent, too mind-blown to say anything. Cassian chuckled as he moved her legs and moved up, cupping her chin and kissing her. She could hear how fast her heart was beating.</p><p> </p><p>‘I never thought going down on someone would turn me on so much, but I’m pretty sure your moans alone could have made me come,’ he said, smirking when she groaned.</p><p> </p><p>‘I’ve had enough of your teasing for one night, Cass.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Enough?’ he looked at her incredulously, just as one of his hands moved lower and lower, touching her again. ‘Oh, you didn’t think I’d stop after one tiny orgasm, did you?’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta shuddered when his finger slowly touched her clit, then moved lower. ‘Cassian, I don’t think I can come again,’ she managed to say.</p><p> </p><p>‘Was that a challenge? You know I love challenges. And you will <em>definitely </em>come again, sweetheart.’</p><p> </p><p>There was no room for fighting, especially when he pinned both her wrists above her head and slowly pushed his middle finger in. Nesta winced at first, making him stop immediately — this was foreign. She fingered herself before and liked it, but her fingers weren’t as big as his.</p><p> </p><p>‘Should I stop?’ he asked, concern flashing in his eyes. ‘Does it hurt?’</p><p> </p><p>‘No, no,’ she said. ‘It’s just… strange.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Good strange or bad strange?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Maybe if you moved it I might have a chance to figure it out,’ she replied, making him grin as he kissed her cheek.</p><p> </p><p>‘God, you’re a menace,’ he said, then slowly moved his finger in and out.</p><p> </p><p>It definitely wasn’t painful, but Nesta found that the slower moves didn’t make her feel too much pleasure, so she urged him to move faster. The moment he picked up speed, Nesta was once again a mess.</p><p> </p><p>‘That’s it, love,’ he said, kissing her neck. ‘Fuck, you’re so tight.’</p><p> </p><p>Her short breaths turned into moans quick enough, and when Cassian caught her lips in a kiss and she bit his lower lip, he groaned and moved deeper, deep enough to make her thrash under him.</p><p> </p><p>This was heaven.</p><p> </p><p>This was probably better than heaven.</p><p> </p><p>A second finger in made her moan so loud that she feared the neighbours would hear. That, accompanied by Cassian’s dirty promises and sweet words of encouragement while he held both her hands in place, made it hard to not cry out and beg for more.</p><p> </p><p>‘You’re so pretty when you beg for more. I want to hear you whimper while I get you all heated up and ready to come for me again. Can you do that, baby girl?’</p><p> </p><p>Oh, she didn’t need to be told twice. She was a panting mess as he fingered her faster and faster, barely letting her breathe.</p><p> </p><p>‘Does it feel good?’ he asked in a low voice, slowing down. When she moved her hips and muttered a <em>‘please’</em>, Cassian grinned. ‘What was that?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Please,’ she repeated, both annoyed and desperate.</p><p> </p><p>‘Please what?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Please don’t stop, please,’ she pleaded, making a pouting face that Nesta knew he couldn’t resist for too long. ‘I need you to make me come.’</p><p> </p><p><em>That</em> seemed to do the trick. Still smirking, Cassian picked up right where he left off, this time going in all the way, hitting that sweet spot which sent her over the edge in just a few thrusts of his fingers. Nesta’s back arched as she lost herself in her orgasm again, mouth slightly open and eyes shut tight as her whole body convulsed. It was delicious, surreal, addicting. Never in her life did she think that her own body could feel so much pleasure. How was it even possible?</p><p> </p><p>This time, Nesta managed to push Cassian’s hand away when her pussy became too sensitive to touch. Gasping and dizzy from the orgasm, she pulled a pillow over her face.</p><p> </p><p>‘A bit late to do that,’ Cassian said, pushing away the pillow. ‘Don’t tell me you got nervous all over again.’</p><p> </p><p>She smiled, circling his neck with her arms and pulling him close. ‘No. Give me until tomorrow, when I’ll pretend this never happened.’</p><p> </p><p>‘If you dare to—‘</p><p> </p><p>‘I was joking!’</p><p> </p><p>He sighed, resting his head on her chest. Nesta didn’t object when his hand cupped one of her breasts, squeezing it like it was a stress ball. Boys.</p><p> </p><p>‘That was incredible,’ she managed to say, still shaken up. ‘If I knew you’d be so good at it, I would’ve admitted to liking you long ago.’</p><p> </p><p>Cassian looked up. ‘I believe I told you that I was good one week after I met you, Nes.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Yeah, well, I thought you were just a fuckboy who liked to brag.’</p><p> </p><p>‘And look who ended up begging,’ he sighed dramatically, making Nesta push him off of her. ‘I must say, you have a very erotic face when you come. I will forever cherish that image.’</p><p> </p><p>‘You are impossible.’</p><p> </p><p>He leaned over and kissed her cheek. ‘And you are ravishing.’</p><p> </p><p>Weary as she was, Nesta wasn’t just ready to go to sleep. While she was still too sensitive to try anything out again for the night, her curiosity and desire to please him as well made her push him down and move on top of him. Before he could react she pushed down on his bulge, so prominent and hard that Cassian gasped.</p><p> </p><p>‘Nesta—‘</p><p> </p><p>She grinded against him, loving how fast his breathing turned and how his eyes shuttered close. Yet when her own body seemed to tremble from the sudden friction and the movements became a bit too much, she attempted to at least touch him, but Cassian’s hands on her hips stopped her.</p><p> </p><p>‘As much as I’d love nothing else than your hand wrapped around me, I think we both know you’re a bit too worn out for that.’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta pouted. ‘I’m not.’</p><p> </p><p>‘I know accepting defeat is hard,’ he laughed, moving her off of him and to his side, ‘but we don’t have to rush anything. We have all the time in the world.’</p><p> </p><p>‘The world is literally ending, Cassian.’</p><p> </p><p>‘It was supposed to end in 2012, yet here we are, forced to go to university and work. We’re not lucky enough to die just yet.’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta laughed. ‘And I thought I was being pessimistic.’</p><p> </p><p>‘You are,’ he said, pulling the duvet over them. ‘You’re just lucky you’re pretty.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Aren’t you a sweetheart.’</p><p> </p><p>Cassian didn’t protest when Nesta pulled him in a big hug, then realised that she was naked and asked for her hoodie back.</p><p> </p><p>‘No way,’ he said, tracing lines up and down her naked back. ‘Why do you need clothes anyway? Sleeping without them is healthy.’</p><p> </p><p>‘At least my panties,’ she pleaded, and Cassian sighed. He picked them up from somewhere on the floor and helped her put them on, all the while saying that he didn’t see why she had to wear anything.</p><p> </p><p>‘Why are you wearing pants, then?’ she asked, then regretted it once she beheld his malicious smile.</p><p> </p><p>‘I have no problem sleeping naked, love. Are you sure <em>you</em> don’t have one?’</p><p> </p><p>At that, she mumbled something that was supposed to be an insult and turned around, hugging the duvet close to her chest. Cassian snickered as he hugged her from behind, resting his head on top of hers.</p><p> </p><p>‘Coward.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Don’t make me go to my room.’</p><p> </p><p>‘As if I’d let you leave.’</p><p> </p><p>Then, just to annoy him, Nesta moved until her back was glued to his chest — and her ass to his still hard cock. That made him grip her hips hard and inhale sharply.</p><p> </p><p>‘You’re a nightmare.’</p><p> </p><p>‘I know,’ she laughed. ‘Good night!’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta was certain that Cassian didn’t fall asleep too fast, especially since she kept rubbing her ass against him. He’d probably make her pay for that later, but for now, she didn’t care.</p><p> </p><p>She was more than satisfied.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. 'I obviously have a multitude of feelings for you, as much as it pains me to admit it.'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A short chapter from Cassian's P.O.V.<br/>Will get to writing the next one tomorrow!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p></p><div class="ujudUb">
  <p>
    <em>'When I look into your eyes</em><br/>
<em>It's like watching the night sky</em><br/>
<em>Or a beautiful sunrise</em><br/>
<em>There's so much they hold</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="ujudUb">
  <p>
    <em>And just like them old stars</em><br/>
<em>I see that you've come so far</em><br/>
<em>To be right where you are</em><br/>
<em>How old is your soul?'</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="ujudUb">
  <p> </p>
</div><div class="ujudUb">
  <p>It was so weird, he thought, to look at another person, touch her, feel her, hold her, and not die by the sheer enormity of your feelings. It was weird and strange and scary, but comforting — calming. Serene. Safe. This way, under the cover of the night, huddled up under the blankets, skin to skin, hearing her breathing, watching her eyes move behind her eyelids, her nose scrunching up every now and then as if she was annoyed at someone even in her dreams, Cassian could feel every muscle in his body relax. It was one of the rare times when he also had none of his walls up — because Nesta wasn’t the only one who had those, but after getting to know more and more about her, they seemed to crumble on their own accord. He never had a problem with opening up to Nesta, because she was everything he couldn’t afford to dream of.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>The thing with those kind of dreams is that you actually do hope for them to come true, but in secret. You won’t even admit to yourself that you crave that thing or that person so much because you’re too afraid that it will tear your soul apart.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Cassian didn’t know he had feelings for this girl until he wanted to throttle her.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Nesta rolled on her stomach, one arm still under her breasts as if to shield them from view. The thought of that almost made him chuckle; what a strange instinct. He moved the hair covering half of her sleeping face and brushed her back with his fingertips as lightly as he could. He felt her spine, ribs, how smooth her skin was, how hot it was, and abstained from kissing every spot he had touched.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>He dared to touch her face, her puffy cheeks, pouty lips and defined brows. Nesta rarely looked so at peace, except for when she was reading. And as he watched her, Cassian felt his chest tighten — was it normal, to feel so much, so suddenly, for a person that you didn’t even think you would grow to love so fast?</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Cassian didn’t even believe in love before. Didn’t want to hear the word ‘relationship’ come out of his friends’ mouths or get into discussions about them. He didn’t hate them, but he wasn’t fond of them either — he saw the damage they could do and being heartbroken was the last thing he wanted. Also, he never felt <em>this much</em> for a girl before. Truth to be told, he never even thought Nesta was his type, but the universe works in mysterious ways. He got into fights and arguments with her so much that sometime he’d mistake her for his brothers, and those usually ended with a punch or two, as most sibling fights do, but this certainly wasn’t the case.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>She had a fire in her. It wasn’t a blazing fire, but it was dangerous all the same. At first you’d mistake her silence and hostile attitude for bitter ice, but Nesta was burning on the inside. He had a feeling that she didn’t know how to handle it all — her emotions, thoughts, urges. They overwhelmed her. Opening up was dangerous, because once she did it, it would all burst out, and that meant admitting vulnerability. Nesta probably still associated that with weakness.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Time wasn’t the only thing she needed; no, she also needed reassurance that it was okay. Proof of his certainty regarding his feelings, regarding her.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Her nose scrunched up again and her eyes opened.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘Why are you staring at me?’ she mumbled.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘Because you’re beautiful.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Nesta smiled, closing her eyes again.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘And less annoying when you’re sleeping, ‘cause this way I don’t have to hear you talk.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Despite making a sour face, her hand found his and placed it on her cheek. A part of him melted instantly.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘I also adore you. Go to sleep.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘Sleep? Love, the sun is going to come up any moment now. It’s morning.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>She mumbled something, moving closer to him. When her chest pressed into his side and laid her head on his chest, Cassian truly melted.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘It’s not like we have anything to do,’ she finally replied, her arm falling over his torso. ‘Why are you even awake?’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Cassian looked down at her and tried hard not to smother her with a hug.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘I don’t know. I was just thinking.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘That’s new. About?’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘You,’ he said. ‘This. Us. It’s just… I didn’t expect anything to happen.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Nesta propped her head on her palm and looked at him. He could see that she was barely awake, her eyelids fluttering shut every now and then, which made him smile.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘Do you regret it?’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>That <em>did</em> make him smile.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘Of course not, you idiot. I feel lucky.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>After gently moving his own hair from his face and caressed his cheek, Nesta leaned her head back on his chest. She looked up at him, a coy smile playing on her rosy lips. Even half asleep, Nesta was a sight to behold.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘So do I,’ she whispered. ‘Even though I still can’t stand you, I’m happy I have you.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>That was what he didn’t dare ask her properly — to become official. Cassian still didn’t know if Nesta wanted anything serious with him or not, but there was no way in hell he could do anything casual with this woman. There were too many feelings involved on his part and not having an ‘official’ role in her life, as tedious as that sounds, would certainly cause a rift between them. He didn’t want to push her for anything, didn’t even dream of it, but he wanted to know where they stood. If she had any hopes for the two of them together.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>And if she didn’t… Would it be better if Cassian still chose to be her friends with benefits, or whatever she wanted? Would it offer him some kind of comfort, to be in her life, even in a small fraction? He wasn’t sure he could handle it. To him, Nesta was the only one. He didn’t want to see any other girl, date other girls, kiss them, sleep with them, anything. All those cheesy and disgusting things couples did, he wanted to do them with Nesta as well.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘Nesta?’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘Hmm?’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘I… I want to say something, but you don’t have to respond right now.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>She nodded, her hand curled behind his neck, playing with his hair. ‘Okay.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Cassian gulped, feeling a bit nervous. How did guys usually do these things? Sex was something, but relationships weren’t his strong point. ‘You know I like you. Actually, that is kind of inaccurate. I’m in love with you, and I have been for a while now, and everything that is happening right now is kind of surreal and I’m still not sure I’m not in a coma and dreaming it all, but I want to—‘</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘I want you to be my boyfriend.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Cassian stopped mid-sentence and almost choked. Nesta’s eyes went wide and she almost stood up, but then she realised she was naked.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘I-I mean… I don’t really do flings and I obviously have a multitude of feelings for you, as much as it pains me to admit it. I don’t know if this is something you even want, to be in a relationship, but I want to try it. With you, if you’re willing.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>And then she looked at him with those big, almost scared eyes, and Cassian thought he was truly dreaming. Was Nesta actually asking him to be her boyfriend?</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Oh, how the tables have turned.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘I know it’s soon and it’s fine if you don’t want to…’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘Of course I fucking want to be your boyfriend, dumbass. That’s what I was going to ask you anyway!’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Her expression slowly shifted from confused to shocked, to pure joy. ‘Are you serious?’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>He pulled her on top of him, close enough that he could kiss her forehead. ‘Obviously. I don’t want this to be a casual thing, I want to be in an actual relationship with you, though I’m sure I’m in for a lot of headaches.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>She beamed, pressing a kiss onto his lips. ‘Damn right.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘Also, imagine when all the guys from the team hear about this. You’re definitely going to be my biggest flex. Half of them think you’re evil and the other one think you’re hot as fuck, but none dare to approach you. Mostly cause they know I already like you.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘I don’t follow. How’s that stopping them from hitting on me?’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘They know I’d break their jaws. Everyone knows I like you but they all think you’d never go for me… Probably because of that one time when you started a fight with me during a soccer match. Or when you said you’d rather drink sewer water than kiss me. Or when…’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘Yeah, yeah, I get it, I was a horrible person. I left all of that behind though!’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘Nesta, that happened like three weeks ago,’ he said dryly.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘We all have our moments. What’s certain now is that I like you,’ she said, kissing his cheek, ‘and only you. Your teammates are ugly anyway.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Cassian laughed. ‘So I’m handsome?’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘Eh… You’re definitely the best option,’ she chuckled, kissing his neck. ‘But I’m head over heels for you nonetheless, idiot.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>And it was those little words that almost broke his self-restraint. There she was, naked and on top of him, kissing his neck, hands wandering over his body, and images of what they’d done before, what he did<em> to</em> her, replayed in his mind.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Going down on a girl was something that he’d done before. He liked it, as any guy probably did (or should), and it turned him on awfully fast.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Going down on Nesta was something completely different.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>It ignited him. <em>That</em> and fingering her were probably the most erotic and passion-filled moments in his life — and he was aware that it was probably due to his feelings for her, but never in his adult life did Cassian want to pleasure or make love to a woman so much. Giving it to her rough also made his blood boil from need, sure, but right now, it wasn’t as appealing as doing it slowly, taking his time, tracing every inch of her body with his fingers and tongue, learning what made her squirm and moan and completely shatter under him.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>That was unusual — Cassian wasn’t the type who ‘made love’, because that implicated romantic feelings, which he never had before, so to him it was all just sex.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>And as he looked at Nesta in that moment, lightly touching his face with curious fingers and talking about something he couldn’t focus on, Cassian finally understood what it meant.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘… and we might be together, but there is no way in hell you’re convincing me to attend all those frat parties with you.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>That snapped him to reality.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘What? Why not?’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘Because they’re dreadful! Everyone is drunk and does drugs. Last time I went two guys groped my ass and I saw one trying to spike my drink.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘You do realise that I wouldn’t let anyone come too close to you, less alone lay a hand on you, right? Also, those were probably frat parties for lowlifes. The ones my friends and I attend are a bit more pretentious than that, I promise. You won’t even see them doing drugs!’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Nesta snorted. ‘I still feel awkward at parties.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘You’ll have me at your side the whole night, love. You won’t even have time to be awkward.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>For a second, Nesta looked at him like she couldn’t quite believe her eyes, and it was endearing. ‘I can’t wait to have you pester me every day of my life.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Faster than she could react, Cassian pulled Nesta under him and pulled off the covers, revealing her body to his greedy eyes. Her lips parted to object, but when she noticed his eyes roaming her body, her gorgeous breasts that he was aching to hold, her arms immediately covered them.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Amused, Cassian looked at her flushed, adorable face. ‘Why so shy? You know you’re beautiful.’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>She struggled to find a response, looking everywhere else but at him, so he softly kissed her neck, then her chest, her arms that were defyingly shielding her body, her hands and palms until all the fight left her body and she sighed. He moved her arms slowly, as if not to startle her, and aside from her rapid breathing, Nesta didn’t object.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>‘These are beautiful,’ he said as he kissed both her hands, ‘and this,’ then her stomach, ‘and these,’ her hips, ‘and especially these,’ the side of her right breast, then her left. ‘Shall I continue?’</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>He looked at Nesta, whose eyes were almost glossy, and it hurt to think that it took her so long to believe that she was exquisite, that this sort of affection might be foreign to her, that intimacy wasn’t necessarily about sex and Nesta wasn’t used to being intimate with people, less alone like this. So when she nodded with a soft, almost uncertain smile, Cassian swore that he’d shower her with love and affection until it didn’t unnerve her anymore. It didn’t matter how long it’d take — he had plenty of patience and time. </p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. 'Teach me.'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>NSFW chapter!! I had so much fun writing this, especially the blowjob part. Sorry for the spoiler!! :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘Wake up!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘No.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Come on, let’s go for a walk. I’m bored.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Since when do you wanna go for a walk?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Since I have nothing better to do inside. Wake up already!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian made an exasperated noise when Nesta pulled the pillow from his face. It was well past noon and she still couldn’t persuade him to wake up, even though she made breakfast for both of them, took a long shower and even cleaned around. How much did he sleep?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Pretty please?’ she asked sweetly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian flipped her off. She resisted the urge to punch him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’ve been up since 9 a.m., I want to do something fun!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Nesta, I slept like three hours, my body will shut down if I don’t get at least seven hours. Wake me up later.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She was pretty sure he had been sleeping for far longer than that, but contradicting him wouldn’t do her any good, so she resorted to other methods.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At first, Cassian didn’t react when she kissed his neck, but when she moved down to his chest, then his navel, Cassian shuddered, fisting the bedsheets. She dragged her nails on his abdomen, moving lower and lower until he had no choice but to open his eyes and look at her smirking face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Are you awake yet?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Nesta,’ he warned in a voice that was probably meant to be serious, but came out as needy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She knew she was walking on thin ground, because each movement turned him on — and she could clearly see that, which both frightened and excited her. As sheplayed with the band of his sweats, tugging gently on them, Nesta looked at him and cocked her head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘So how about that walk?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His voice might have betrayed him, but his glare almost made her squeal. There was both desire and restraint in them, and she knew, she was certain that he was trying hard not to push her to do anything, but Nesta was the one toying with him, which made the situation even worse. Also, she didn’t know what she’d do if he didn’t agree with her in the next five seconds, because going through with what she’d started wasn’t exactly her plan. She never even touched a guy properly, less alone use it to blackmail him into going out with her!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His hand gripped hers and pulled it away from his growing bulge. ‘First of all, all you had to do was bribe me with food and I would’ve been up ages ago.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I made breakfast—‘</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Secondly, don’t start something you can’t finish,’ he teased her, winking. ‘your hand is literally shaking right now.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What?’ shocked, Nesta looked at her hand. ‘That’s not true!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Okay, it was, but she wasn’t going to admit it to his smug face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Really? Then why is your face flaming red?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Because you’re driving me mad! It’s not true!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian laughed, then retracted his hand. ‘So you’re saying you weren’t nervous about doing it?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gulping, Nesta nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You’re not fooling anyone, sweetheart. When you actually want to do it, don’t use it as a way to manipulate me to go out with you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At that, Nesta’s mouth hung open. ‘I wasn’t trying to manipulate you!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Sure you weren’t.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Okay, I was just trying to persuade you, that’s it. Now can you <em>please</em> wake up?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He looked at her for a second and then laughed. ‘Fine, I’m up. So what were you saying about breakfast?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta hit him with a pillow before standing up, pretending that her heart wasn’t about to burst out of her chest. Fuck, she was such an idiot.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>They had been strolling around the neighbourhood for more than an hour. At first, Nesta was keen on just listening to music and stretching her limbs, but Cassian wouldn’t have any of that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You woke me up to go out with you, so you have no choice but to interact with me,’ he had declared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, it was true. She had to suffer the consequences.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So they talked and joked and even raced. Nesta lost, obviously, and it amused Cassian to no end.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You play soccer, idiot, of course you’re faster than me!’ she yelled from a hundred meters behind, because she was really <em>that</em> slow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After refusing to race with him again, Cassian called her a sore loser, which she probably was when it came to him, but he certainly didn’t complain when she held his hand. He looked pointedly at their now intertwined hands, then down at Nesta — who was at least a head shorter than him — with a look of surprise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Look who’s getting bolder,’ he observed, smiling softly at her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Well, I <em>am</em> your girlfriend so I get to hold your hand in public. It’s technically my right.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian looked like he was on cloud nine, which made her laugh in earnest. ‘Why are you so shocked?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Because you keep surprising me, that’s why,’ he said, then squeezed her hand. ‘A month ago you would’ve screamed my ears off if I even touched you. I always knew you were a softie, but this is just mind-blowing.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta elbowed him, biting back a laugh. ‘I am not!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian raised his eyebrows at her. ‘Please, you’re not fooling anyone. You can be sweet when you want to be.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Which is almost never.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Not true, but I’ll let you live in your fantasy.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She elbowed him again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘This lockdown is going to be over in a week. What do you plan on doing first?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian made a show of pondering on that question for a long time, which made it hard for her not to laugh at his serious face. God, he was endearing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘First things first, taking you on a date.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’m busy.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I didn’t even mention the day.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’ll be busy anyway,’ she joked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian rolled his eyes and pulled her ponytail. Before she could kick him, he stepped away from her — but still held on to her hand, which was now outstretched. ‘As I was saying,’ he continued, ‘we’re going on a date. And since we’re also going back to university, I can see you every morning because I’ll be picking you up.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Don’t your lectures start at noon though?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian smirked. ‘Since when do you know my schedule, miss <em>‘I wouldn’t care if a car ran you down multiple times</em>’?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I learned it just so I know when to avoid you,’ she replied with a sour smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You’re the cutest,’ he said, letting go of her hand just to put his arm on her shoulder and hold her close. Her first instinct was to push him away, but when he dropped a kiss on her head she abstained from doing that. Denying that she didn’t enjoy being held by him was a lie, anyway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I have soccer practice every morning,’ he explained. ‘and lectures ’til the afternoon. You can always come cheer on me when I play, though.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’d rather shoot myself in the face but okay.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You’d look so hot in those cheerleaders outfits,’ he continued blabbering. ‘I bet if the skirts were a little shorter you’d be a vision.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘So you want your whole team to see my ass?’ she laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What? Hell no. I’d start a fight.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Aww, look who’s jealous,’ Nesta cooed, squeezing his cheek.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian batted away her hand, grimacing. ‘I’m not the jealous type.’ At her incredulous look, Cassian deflated. ‘Okay, just a tiny bit. But not <em>that</em> jealous. It took me ages to be with you, so why should anyone else see your ass except me? They should get in line.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You’re incredible.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Wow, a compliment, coming from you? Unheard of.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I didn’t mean it in a good way.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Don’t act like you’re better than me, you definitely are the jealous type.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Me? Not true. I may lack confidence sometimes, but I am confident in your feelings for me. So even if ten girls would be hitting on you, I know you wouldn’t give them any attention.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At his incredulous look, Nesta raised herself on her tiptoes and kissed him. ‘You know I trust you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was so taken aback that all he could do was nod. Laughing, Nesta pulled him along.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Come on, I’m hungry. How can I blackmail you into make me some more of that pesto pasta?’</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Turns out that watching a horror movie with Cassian did actually involve a lot of grabbing and using him as a shield from the scary scenes. It amused him so much that he laughed most of the time, which only annoyed Nesta, because it was hard not to scream every time something or someone appeared out of nowhere.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Stop laughing, you chose this movie!’ she shrieked, face buried in the crook of his neck.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘And I am eternally grateful that I did,’ he chuckled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Somehow, Nesta ended up sitting in his lap with the blanket all the way up to her face. Every time something bad happened, she’d just turn her face away from the TV and grip Cassian tighter, which he certainly enjoyed. Right now, her arms were circling his neck as she dared to watch the young girl go into the cemetery at midnight. Dumb kid.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After coming back from their walk and cooking together — actually, it was Cassian that cooked; Nesta just kept annoying him by getting in his way — Nesta decided that she wanted to watch a horror movie. Less than an hour in, and she was already regretting that decision, especially since it was pitch black in her apartment. Whose idea was to turn off all the lights, anyway?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the girl on TV screamed, Nesta also screamed. Cassian laughed so hard thathe couldn’t breathe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Okay, no, I’m done, no more horror movies!’ she said, searching for the remote. As soon as she found it, she pressed pause.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I have no words to describe how entertaining this whole experience was,’ Cassian said, gripping the edge of the couch while doubling over. Nesta made a face and moved away from his lap but still clung to her blanket.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘It’s not funny!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You almost pissed yourself,’ he said. ‘Let’s watch another horror movie.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Hell no, I’m going to my room.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She stood up and made three steps before realising that her room was also completely dark. Glancing back at Cassian, Nesta made a pleading face. ‘Come with me?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I can’t believe you’re actually scared. Who are you and what did you do to my Nesta?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He walked around her and made to go for her bedroom, but she quickly seized his hand and stood close enough to him that he started laughing again. ‘If you continue laughing you’re sleeping alone.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That shut him up instantly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After turning on her lamp, Nesta exhaled. She got into bed and gestured for Cassian to join her. It was hard not to scare when he took off his t-shirt, which of course he noticed, but was wise enough not to point it out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘How about a comedy next time?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘A comedy? Why do I need to watch a comedy movie when I’m basically living with a clown?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian picked up a pillow and threw it at her face, which she managed to dodge. ‘Say that again, I dare you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I said that I am— Ouch, you idiot, you’re suffocating me!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sat on top of her, crushing her under his weight while she struggled to move from under him. ‘You were saying?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>’T-That you a-are a c-clown— <em>Stop it!’</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian rolled Nesta on her back and held her arm against it tight enough that she definitely couldn’t move, but it didn’t hurt. Realising that struggling would only end up with her arm in a splint, she stopped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Say that again.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His body was glued to hers, but this time he made sure to not crush her with his muscles. With his free hand, Cassian moved the hair that was covering her face and brought his lips close to her ear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What, you’re all quiet now? So unlike you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Bite me.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Gladly,’ he said, then bit her earlobe hard enough that she uttered a sharp cry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Even though her efforts were fruitless, Nesta still attempted to pull her arm free of his grasp, because she knew this wouldn’t end well for her. Cassian continued to slowly kiss her neck while tightening his hold on her arm, which earned a moan from her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Oh, he knew very well how to push her buttons and get a reaction out of her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Should I stop?’ he asked before sucking a spot from her neck, making her squirm under him. It made her moan again, and when his tongue licked the same spot, she turned molten in his arms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘No,’ she whispered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then he freed her hand and completely stopped. Blinking rapidly, Nesta turned on her back to see him move to his side of the bed, pulling the covers over his body.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What?’ he asked with a lazy smile when he noticed her gawking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Why did you stop?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Because I knew it would annoy you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>The nerve,</em> she thought, debating whether to hit him or kiss him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You are a horrible person,’ she mumbled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Thank you. I’m always striving to become more horrible just for you. Good night!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then he had the audacity to turn his back on her and pretend to sleep, which set her off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With great effort, Nesta pulled Cassian on his back and straddled him so he wouldn’t move. ‘You’re not even tired!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Yes I am,’ he replied, eyeing the way she was holding both his wrists. ‘You know that won’t stop me from removing my hands, right?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘How about this, then?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She leaned in and kissed him — for a second she was worried that he was going to pull away or shove her off of him, but Cassian seemed just as desperate to kiss her back. He indulged her and didn’t remove his hands, letting her set the pace, groaning each time she lowered herself more on him…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Words couldn’t describe how much she wanted him, <em>all </em>of him. There was a voice at the back of her head that kept nagging her, reminding her of all of her insecurities, but Nesta did her best to ignore it, to focus on <em>now</em>, on this man that occupied each crevice of her mind and soul.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta knew she loved Cassian. It scared her and thrilled her, because there wasn’t much she wouldn’t do for him, but she was afraid that it still wouldn’t be enough.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That was stupid, she knew. Cassian said to her time and again that she was more than enough, and she believed him. He wouldn’t lie to her about that and he never even asked for anything in return.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Nesta, wait,’ he managed to say between kisses.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She pulled back to search his face. ‘What happened? Did I do something wrong?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘No, no, of course not, it’s just… I-I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, but you’re literally sitting on my dick right now, and you’re doing an amazing job of unconsciously turning me on and I don’t want you to think that we have to do anything.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His genuine worry and the way he looked down at their bodies, attempting to move to hide his bulge, made Nesta’s heart melt. God, she loved him. She really did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I know we don’t,’ she reassured him, tilting his chin back to look at her. ‘and I’m not exactly ready to have sex right now, but I don’t want to stop either. Do you want to stop?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He shook his head, still looking perplexed. That was all she needed to kiss him again, this time not shying away from putting more pressure on his bulge.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian’s low groan when she moved against him, causing more friction, made her core tighten. Nesta never grinded against a guy before, so it was pretty unnerving and thrilling to actually feel how hard a cock actually was. That and the noises Cassian made, pushing his hips upwards here and there, trying hard not to just lose it, gave her enough courage to move her hand down his abdomen, moving lower and lower until it reached his pants. Before he could say something, Nesta tentatively placed it on top of his bulge and couldn’t help but make a sound of surprise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What? What’s wrong?’ he asked immediately, probably even forgetting about where her hand was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She could already feel how red her cheeks were, so there was no way she could play cool. Swallowing the knot in her throat, she said ‘I didn’t actually think they got this hard.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian blinked in confusion, then a grin spread across his handsome face. ‘Well, can you blame me? Have you seen yourself? Even kissing you turns me on.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That was enough encouragement for her to slip her hand inside his pants, then under his boxers. Now she truly was curious.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Nesta, you don’t— <em>fuck</em>,’ he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That was the first word she though of when Nesta touched Cassian’s cock, her hand wrapping around it while pressing their foreheads together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Holy shit,</em> she said, <em>I’m actually touching him. And he didn’t pull away yet, which is a good thing.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>It didn’t take a genius to realise that it was also quite big, and as she attempted to move her hand more to feel more of it, Cassian properly moaned, bucking in her hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Jesus Christ, I feel like a teenager who’s getting touched for the first time in his life,’ he said, breathing hard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘This is definitely not what I expected,’ she said, still moving her hand against him, but it wasn’t exactly easy with his clothes still on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Please do explain,’ he said, throwing his head back and sighing when she dared to apply more pressure.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘More smooth than I expected. And <em>so damn hard,</em>’ she emphasised again, marvelling at how thick it was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Thanks to you,’ he managed to say, then moved his hands towards his pants. ‘Let me make it easier for you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He moved both the pants and the boxers down and his length sprung free, visible for the first time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her eyes went wide. She opened her mouth to say something and then she closed again, fighting between averting her gaze and starting at it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was definitely big in her hand and had protruding veins and a very pink head, which was glistening with something wet. Perplexed, Nesta moved her thumb against it, spreading that wetness, which made Cassian’s body jerk.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She stopped at once, panicking. ‘I’m sorry, what did I do?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>God, she was starting to feel self conscious before actually getting to do anything. Before she could move her hand away, Cassian placed his on top of hers, keeping it there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Trust me, love,’ he said, voice raspy, ‘you didn’t do anything wrong. That actually felt good. You don’t have to pull away.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She looked at his glossy eyes and parted lips in wonder, especially when he moved his gaze towards their hands on his cock, his enveloping hers. ‘I don’t actually know how to do it,’ she said, fighting back her embarrassment. ‘I mean, I know I’m supposed to move my hand up and down, but I’m afraid I’ll do it too hard and it’ll hurt and I’m going to ruin this.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Nesta, sweetheart, you’re not going to ruin anything,’ he laughed. ‘You don’t need to do anything you’re not ready to. If you want to stop, then just say the word. Don’t do it just to please me.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She knew he meant every word he said, but he wasn’t right. Nesta wanted to do it, she <em>wanted</em> to please him because it also pleased her — those noises he made and the way his head lolled back and how lost in pleasure he seemed. She wanted to see more of that, was craving it… But where did she even start?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why didn’t she read about it on the internet, like all normal people do?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’m not. I want to,’ she said, hoping she sounded confident. ‘I really want to, so show me how.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian frowned. ‘Show you what?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta pointed with her chin at his cock. ‘How to pleasure you without accidentally maiming you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The utter surprise on his face made Nesta smile. ‘Teach me. I’m a fast learner anyway, so I might not suck so bad at it.’</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Teach me.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Probably those two little words alone could’ve made Cassian cum.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He looked at Nesta with wide eyes, then at her tiny hand wrapped around his throbbing cock, then back at her, not quite believing what was happening. The girl he absolutely adored was asking <em>him</em> to show her how to pleasure <em>him</em>. Was he dreaming?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But he knew she was nervous; it was obvious when he pulled down his pants and she looked at it like it was going to bite her or something. But he also believed that she wanted to do it, and Cassian wasn’t going to deny her anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You can’t possibly suck at it because you’re already doing a great job,’ he admitted, meaning every word. ‘Here,’ he tightened her grip slightly, making her inhale sharply.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Doesn’t it hurt?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Far from it,’ he smirked. ‘Despite popular belief, it’s not that fragile, you know. You can move your hand like this.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian slowly moved Nesta’s hand up and down, trying hard to keep his composure. Fuck, it felt heavenly, having her touch him like this, watching him with those big, surprised eyes, as if she couldn’t believe she was getting this reaction out of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta tentatively moved her hand up and down his cock, still not trusting herself enough to squeeze too much. Little by little Cassian began to get lost in the sensation, moaning when her fingers covered his head and spread the precum down his length.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Yes, just like that, don’t stop,’ he muttered, still holding her wrist in case she asked for help.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Can… Can I move my hand faster?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian nodded almost instinctively, trying hard not to whimper.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She slowly picked up the pace, moving her hand up and down a bit faster, making it harder and harder for Cassian to breathe. When he looked at her and saw that her uneasiness vanished and that her movements became more and more confident, he let go of her hand, gripping the bedsheets instead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Fuck, this felt amazing, and just looking at her adorable face and the way she startled each time his breath hitched or thrusted more in her hand. He tried to steady himself, really tried, but it was so difficult and she was so keen on making him feel good and she was obviously doing an amazing job and it was honestly too much for his heart to handle.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He knew he couldn’t hurry her up when each jolt of pleasure made her think she did something wrong, so Cassian bit his lip as hard as he could and let Nesta explore. Words of encouragement left his mouth every now and then, accompanied by swear words whenever she did something he particularly liked — gently dragging her nails across the tip, playing with it, then his balls, her hand becoming steadier and steadier. He was almost panting by the time she bowed, realising all too late what she wanted to do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Oh, he was <em>so</em> fucked.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Sweetheart, you don’t have to if you don’t feel ready,’ he said for the millionth time that night, earning a coy smile from Nesta, who felt like she was starting to get the hang of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You don’t want me to?’ she teased, running her fingertips across the shaft, watching how he exhaled sharply, trying hard to keep himself composed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Need you even ask me that? Of course I do,’ he muttered, which was all Nesta needed to hear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She read tons of smut scenes where the girl gave the guy a blowjob, so it couldn’t possibly be that hard. Yet as she gripped the base and licked a long stripe, Nesta prayed that they were also accurate.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Oh my fucking God,’ she heard him swear between groans.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her tongue circled the entire length, slowly working her way upwards, near the tip, which she remembered that it was the most sensitive part, so she did everything she could do avoid it just to tease him, turn him on even more — and it seemed to work. The head was glistening with more and more precum, and Nesta couldn’t help but grin at this incredible sight — Cassian, finally rendered speechless, breathless and so, so turned on <em>because</em> of her. That was more than she ever expected.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her tongue played with the skin under the tip, getting it wetter and wetter, and each time she made to go for the head but moved lower he cursed more. When he thrusted his hips upwards and looked at her with desperation in his eyes, Nesta forgot why she felt scared in the first place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Please stop teasing me,’ he pleaded, looking like he was about to either die or cum. ‘I’m seriously going out of my mind right now.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Ask nicely,’ she said, pressing a light kiss right on the side of the tip, making him swear again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gritting his teeth, Cassian uttered a ‘please’, and then a ‘you’ll definitely pay for that later’, which did nothing but excite her more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Since you asked so nicely…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now came the part she was actually worried about — taking him in her mouth. The second she closed her mouth around the tip and circled it tentatively with her tongue, Cassian moaned. She moved lower and lower, trying to see how much she could take, and when she reached half of it, Nesta choked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Easy, easy,’ he murmured, sitting upright and taking his cock out of her mouth. ‘Need any help?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She looked up at Cassian and found him smiling softly at her. He tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear, patiently waiting for her answer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I need all the help I can get,’ she joked, making him smirk.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Don’t say that. You’re already doing more than fine, and although your enthusiasm is absolutely enchanting, you can slow down. Also, give me this.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He took off the hair tie from her wrists and pulled her hair into a ponytail. ‘It’s just going to get into your face otherwise.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After securing it, Cassian kissed her forehead. ‘Are you alright?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta nodded. ‘You?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His sly grin said everything she needed to know. ‘The girl I’m hopelessly in love with is asking me to teach her how to give me a blowjob. Can it get any better than this?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘If I actually manage to make you cum then I guess it can,’ she drawled, moving her hand back to his cock.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Oh, I’m probably going to embarrass myself with coming too fast anyway, so don’t worry about that. Just… don’t force it down your throat so suddenly. Take it in slow, no one’s hurrying you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She did just that. While he kept his hand on her back, Nesta took him in her mouth once again, this time slower. Moving her tongue around the head, taking it inch by inch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘That’s it,’ he murmured, breathing hard. ‘Try… Try t-to get it wet, then use your hand for what you can’t fit in your mouth.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Spitting on it seemed quite vulgar and definitely wasn’t mentioned in what she’d read, yet Nesta pulled back anyway and did it. With one hand she spread all of it across his cock, taking it in her mouth once again, moving lower and lower while her hand worked the rest. Cassian moaned at everything she did, and it never occurred to Nesta how erotic the sound of a man moaning was. The deeper it went into her mouth, the louder he became.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She made sure to cover her teeth with her lips to avoid any unfortunate injuries. Soon enough Nesta managed to get almost all of it in her mouth, and she moved her head up and down, looking up at him here and there to see his expression.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was one of pure bliss, enough to make her wet and needy. His chest was rising and falling fast, his free hand was fisting the pillow and the other winded up in her hair, pulling it slightly by the roots.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Use your tongue more,’ he whispered, throwing his head back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She did just that, circling the entire length and moving it up and down just as she bobbed her head. The more she neared the base, the harder it was for her not to choke, but her hand took care of the rest. She remembered reading about hollowing your cheeks while sucking a cock and Nesta did just that, sucking harder and harder, making Cassian thrust himself more in her mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he pushed all of his length inside her mouth and she made a chocking sound, Cassian made to pull her away. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to— Fuck, fuck, fuck…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta didn’t stop. She continued to move her head up and down faster until Cassian was a panting mess, trying hard not to jerk more or thrust upwards. Each time she felt like it was too much she payed more attention to the tip, licking and sucking it, then slowly moving down the entire length and looking up at Cassian, who could barely keep his eyes open at that point.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You’re doing so good, love,’ he said, making her heart flutter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He praised her every movement, offered words of encouragement when she faltered, reassured her that everything she did was perfect. Even though this was about him, about Nesta wanting to give him pleasure, Cassian still went out of his way and made sure she was comfortable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The faster she moved, the more his cock throbbed in her mouth, and Nesta could guess what that meant.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘If you don’t slow down I-I’m going to cum,’ he warned, which she obviously ignored. Nesta only picked up the face, moving her hand faster, even moaning when he pulled her harder by her hair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Fuck, Nesta,’ he cried out, ‘stop or I’ll cum in your mouth— <em>Goddamn, you devil.’</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Again, she ignored him, moving faster and faster. Cassian came with her name on his lips, and the second Nesta felt that warm, bitter substance fill her mouth, she still sucked him. When his body seemed to relax and he said something incoherently, Nesta took his cock out of her mouth and did the last thing she was probably supposed to do — ran to the bathroom and spit all of that cum.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Nesta, are you okay?’ he called out to her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She rinsed her mouth and made a face. ‘No one ever told me how bitter cum tasted. I <em>hate</em> bitter stuff.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He laughed as she brushed her teeth, and when she went back to her bedroom, Cassian was lying on his, watching the ceiling with bemused eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Sorry about that,’ he said, turning to face her. ‘I kind of lost it.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She smiled, sitting down and crossing her legs. ‘Was I… good?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You were absolutely fantastic,’ was his reply, then he pulled her on top of him. ‘Best blowjob I have ever received in my life.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Laughing, Nesta kissed him. ‘I actually didn’t expect to like it that much, but those noises turned me on more than anything.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At that, Cassian’s eyes lit. ‘Please do say more.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’m not boosting your ego even more. It’s already big enough as it is.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Sorry, everything about me is big,’ he winked. ‘are you sure you’re okay, though? Does your throat hurt? I told you that I was going to cum, but you <em>had</em> to keep going.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta made an innocent face. ‘I’m no quitter.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘So I’ve noticed. Also…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He moved his palms to her ass, squeezing it. Before Nesta could say anything, he flipped her under him. ‘I recall saying something about making you pay, right?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They certainly weren’t going to get any sleep that night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. ‘Your intentions are far from pure, Cassian.’</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My apologies for the long wait, uni exams were a nightmare but I am thankfully done! This fic will probably have one or two more chapters, which I will write in 3-5 business days (hopefully..). <br/>Enjoy!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That night, Cassian didn’t let Nesta get a wink of sleep. Not that she dared to complain, since all his attention had been directed to her — and making her feel good.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He did it his way. Taking his time, ignoring her pleas for more, teasing her, bringing her on the edge of desperation, slowly tasting and touching all of her body while she could barely breathe anymore. But after he finally allowed her to cum like that, his movements became more firm, and the fingers that entered her and made her whole body convulse were not so gentle anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And she loved it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She loved everything he did to her, including all the dirty talking and sweet whispers. He had been reluctant about being too rough, but Nesta persuaded him with a few words and her pouty face. When he made her sit on his face and kept her there until she came again, Nesta realised that he truly had a right to brag. That tongue of his knew what it was doing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He also didn’t complain when Nesta got on her knees before him and sucked him off while keeping her eyes on him — no, she was certain that he was going to pass out at once point.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Days passed and when they were not busy doing <em>that</em>, they were attempting to get back on track with their university assignments. Remote learning wasn’t as fun as the real life thing, but it had to do. While Nesta was in a lecture with her most strict professor, Cassian decided to test her ability to keep herself composed and kneeled under the table, took off her shorts and buried his head between her thighs, making her almost lose it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She had to disconnect in less than five minutes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Of course she had to get back at him for that, but the idiot made sure to use the desk next to the wall, so there was no way for her to sneak under it. So when Cassian was in a lecture of his own, Nesta found it in her to take off her clothes in front of him, move to the couch and start touching herself, offering him a full view of what her hands were doing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He disconnected in <em>three</em> minutes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A day before the quarantine would be lifted, Cassian showed Nesta how to make ramen and watched movies together while discussing what to do the next day.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘We can go and have dinner at that place by the lake with the twinkling lights,’ he proposed while stuffing his face with popcorn.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You do realise that all restaurants, malls and stores are still closed, right?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Oh. <em>Really?’</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Really,’ she laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What about parties? I’m sure someone from the team is throwing one.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Social distancing is <em>also</em> still a thing. We can’t get close to others. I wanted to go see Feyre, will you come with me?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I see you’re in the mood to be interrogated by your sister,’ he grinned, eyes still glued on the TV. ‘You do realise she’ll talk your ears off, right?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’m counting on you to not let her snatch me away. She’ll be shocked enough that I’ll show up with you without being angry, so maybe she’ll be too distracted to ask me anything.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘It’s Feyre we’re talking about, she probably figured it out by now. If not, she’ll just make Rhys ask me.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘And we both know what a big mouth Rhys had,’ Nesta mumbled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Of course they were going to have questions. Everyone knew that they didn’t get along, so this would probably shock them. Nesta didn’t have patience for Cassian’s immaturity and Cassian loved to annoy the living shit out of her. Feyre still texted her every day to make sure that Cassian was still alive, which said a lot about the trust her sister had in her when it came to Cassian.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usually she’d just write a short text letting her know that she ignored his existence and spent all of her time working on her course, which was an absolute lie, obviously. God, how the mighty fall…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Will you spend the night at my place?’ he asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘If you ask me nicely, maybe I’ll consider.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian gave her a sweet smile before throwing a handful of popcorn in her face. Before she could start swearing, the room descended into complete and utter darkness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The power cut off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Please tell me you have candles,’ he sighed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta nodded, and then realised how dumb she was, so she mumbled a ‘yes’. She had a drawer full of candles in her bath — it was a thing of hers, to sometimes take baths with a dozen candles lit all around the bathroom and read spicy books. Made it ten times better.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You go get them.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What? Why me?’ he asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Because I can’t see shit!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘And you think I can? Are you <em>high?</em>’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta didn’t want to admit that while she wasn’t necessarily scared of the dark, she was a bit reluctant to walk around the house when she couldn’t see what was in front of her. Both their phones were on the kitchen table and Nesta wasn’t going to leave this couch until a flashlight or a candle was on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You have better senses than I do, so you do it. Take the phones first and then you can turn on the flashlights.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian sighed while Nesta dug into her t-shirt to take out the popcorns and eat them. ‘You’re eating? Really?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You want me to panic or eat?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Fine, I’ll get them. Brat.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You’re lucky the lights are out and I can’t throw this pillow in your face.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘<em>You’re</em> lucky the lights are out and I’m not making you bite into that pillow.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Touché.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She attempted not to laugh when he bumped into furniture, swearing loudly and cursing everything that he touched. It took him approximately six minutes to locate their phones on the kitchen table, turn both the flashes on, and pin her with a murderous look.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘My legs are probably full of bruises by now.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Better you than me,’ she replied with a sweet smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta dug out all the candles she could find and lit them in the living room, bathroom and bedroom, while Cassian lingered behind her and attempted to scare her here and there. Each time she’d jump and curse, Cassian would fall back laughing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You’re really that scared of the dark?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘No, you’d be scared too if someone grabbed you in the dark!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Probably, but you <em>know</em> I’m standing right behind you, so why do you still panic?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta gave him a dirty look before lighting the last candle on her desk. ‘Your intentions are far from pure, Cassian.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I couldn’t have said it better myself, sweetheart.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She took a step back, bumping into him, and surveyed her candle-lit room. ‘It looks like we’re about to begin a sacrifice.’ She then looked up at him with curiosity, ‘I wonder what would I get if I sold your soul to a demon. I’d settle for a bag of chips, really.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Alright,’ he said, turning off the phones. ‘I’ve had enough of your sass. Come here.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She attempted to run for the door but he was fast, way faster than her, so when he caught her by the waist and pushed her against the wall, Nesta could do nothing but frown.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘That’s not fair. I should get at least five seconds of advance to get away from you!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What in the world makes you think you could get away from me?’ he asked, caressing her cheek while pressing his body into hers to keep her still. ‘I know you don’t dig romance stuff that much, but I don’t want to be parted from you. I don’t think I ever will.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta found it hard to breathe, to put a name to all of the emotions she felt, to look at the man in front of her and not feel like she was succumbing into something she didn’t know she would ever be allowed to experience. She leaned closer into his touch, sighed at the comfort it provided, and thanked her lucky stars for this. For him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You know, I always associated love with something that consumes you, that leaves you dry and empty after a while, so I never sought it. I never even thought I was made for it, or that I would be qualified enough to show it. I know…’ she took a deep breath, then clasped his empty hand. ‘I know I’m not an easy person to like, less alone love. I don’t know how much to give to people or if my all is still not enough, so it terrifies me. But every time you look at me and make me feel like I’m worthy and deserving and all the things I never thought I’d need to hear or feel, I begin to understand it. What it’s like to be in love with someone that doesn’t make you question yourself at every step and that makes you understand that it’s a safe haven, not a power game. That I can trust you with my heart. And I do.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She reached out to touch his face, mesmerised by it. By his whole being.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You told me why you fell for me on numerous occasions. So let me tell you why I fell, against my wishes and better judgement, for you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now he was no longer attempting to keep her pinned against the wall, so while he looked like a lost toddler, Nesta pulled him towards the bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Your stupid and indecent jokes,’ she began, standing on her tip-toes to place a kiss on his neck. ‘I always loved your humour, even when it annoyed me. God knows how many times I wanted to take you up on those sexual proposals.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He grinned, and when Nesta pushed him to sit down on the edge of the bed, Cassian had a sort of terrified look on his face, as if he didn’t know what was going to happen or come out of her mouth. It made him look so adorable, it cleaved her soul in two.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Your charming and loud personality. I’ve always been the quiet type, so whenever I saw you around people, how you talked to them, made jokes, made everyone feel included… I don’t know if it was captivating or I was just so into you that I noticed everything you did. I always found myself looking at you, <em>for</em> you as well, because you allowed me to be myself. I never had to pretend.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She straddled him with ease and circled his neck with her arms, fighting the urge to just lean in and kiss him. ‘Your intelligence. You’re easily one of the smartest people I have ever met, and I’m not saying this lightly,’ she laughed at his surprised face. ‘How fast your mind works, how you come up with solutions for everything, how there’s not one thing you’re not immediately good at. How hard you work for things. And how good you are with people, all sorts of people. I’ve never met anyone so good at empathising with others, so caring and understanding. It baffles me how you can do it all.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gently, Nesta ran her fingers through his hair, his cheeks, tracing every line, marvelling at his every feature. All the while, Cassian didn’t move, didn’t even seem to breathe, focusing only on her, her touches and words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Your patience. How you deal with people who annoy you, how you deal with <em>me</em>, since I probably annoy you the most,’ she chuckled. ‘And you never lose it. It made me realise that you truly have feelings for me — that you waited and never pushed me for anything and didn’t ask for anything in return, although I would gladly offer you everything, if only to show you how deep I’ve fallen, how much you mean to me.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She then kissed his forehead, his temple, his cheek. ‘How you can read my mind, predict my moods, make me talk about what I’m angry or pissed or insecure about. I never knew that opening up could be so therapeutic. And when you’re full of joy or excited and you can’t keep still for more than ten seconds, and your contagious smile. Or when you’re acting cocky and that infuriating smirk of yours that makes my knees go weak. Or when you’re annoyed or stressed and you don’t really want to talk about it, so you just distract yourself with working out or coursework and you have that adorable frown on your face all the time. Or when you go quiet, which is rare, and stare at nothing in particular, but there’s a small smile on your face and I wish to know what you’re thinking about. But my favourite… My favourite is when you’re happy, because you <em>radiate</em> with it. You can see it in your eyes from miles away, and it makes me happy as well. How you talk and talk and talk about what put you in such a terrific mood and then you jump from a subject to another and at some point I get lost, but I couldn’t care less, because I always focus on your smile and how it makes my heart clench.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was such vulnerability on his face, so much raw emotion. Cassian always assured Nesta of his feelings for her, but she wanted to do the same. She wanted him to know that she cherished him, all of him, and all sides of him. She wanted to voice out all of the parts of him she adored, so he would always know how important he was. Relationships are a two-way street — you have to give, not only receive. Just because one made it their point to prove how worthy and deserving you are, it doesn’t mean that the other shouldn’t reciprocate. It has to be mutual.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘And God, you’re so kind, all the damn time. How can someone be so kind? I’d honestly go out of my mind if I were in your place. I don’t know how you can do it.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He laughed, though when she caught sight of his eyes, they were glazing. Yet he still looked up at her with quiet wonder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘For such a long time, I wished I could be like you. Bold and brave and not afraid of my own feelings. The person everyone loves, and it is <em>so damn easy</em> to love you. But I realised that I didn’t really want to change, and I was just lying to myself. I didn’t want to be you; I just <em>wanted</em> you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When his thumb wiped away a tear from her cheek, his hand unsteady, Nesta blinked, only then realising that her eyes were filled with tears. She sniffed, smiling despite the tears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I realise now that love isn’t necessarily consuming or damaging. I don’t feel consumed by you, I feel empowered. Certain of myself. I never thought I could look at a person and feel so much hope. And it feels good, so damn good to be listened and not asked to change. To just… be understood. For that, and for a million other things, I adore you. All of you. Even when you annoy the hell out of me, I still love you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was so easy to say those things. They rolled down her tongue with no reluctance, and Nesta wasn’t in the least afraid to lay her heart and soul open before him. She trusted him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then there were tears on his face as well, and that made her lose it and cry, which made him laugh and gather her in his arms and hug her so tight that she could barely breathe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I love you,’ he whispered, kissing the side of her head. ‘I love you with my whole heart, Nesta.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta pulled back enough to press their foreheads together, smiling and wiping her tears at the same time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I love you too. Thank God I got this off my chest, it’s been killing me for so long.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then they laughed and didn’t let go of each other for a long time after that, delighting in slow, tentative touches while murmuring love confessions and other things Nesta would’ve cringed at months ago. But now — now she felt relieved. Relieved and grateful.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. 'I’m pretty sure she assumed I just killed you and dumped your body in a river.’</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘I’m starting to get cold feet. Maybe we shouldn’t go in, I’m sure they’ll understand.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Nesta—‘</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I didn’t even tell her we were <em>both</em> coming, I’m pretty sure she assumed I just killed you and dumped your body in a river.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Glad to know you’d have so much consideration for my corpse.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Do you think they’ll terrorise us with questions?’ she asked, looking pleadingly at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian sighed, slumping against the driver’s seat. ‘Do you want me to lie to you or be honest?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Be honest, obviously.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I think they’ll be too shocked to say something at first, and it would take them about ten minutes to come to their senses and demand answers. I don’t know who will be more dramatic about it, though. Probably Rhys, because he predicted it a long time ago.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What? How? Why didn’t you tell me?!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Because I knew you’d react like this!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>‘How?!’</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He gestured towards the car they here sitting in, parked in front of his brother’s mansion. ‘We’ve been sitting in this car for fifteen minutes now!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta winced. ‘Yeah, I may have exaggerated a bit…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘A bit?’ he asked dryly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘It doesn’t matter, let’s go in. I can handle my sister.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She got off from Cassian’s car, inhaling the fresh, spring air. It has been too long since she was outside, and it was refreshing — except the part where she had to face her sister and his brothers and admit that she did not, in fact, hate Cassian, but was currently dating him and she was pretty ecstatic about it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Are you sure?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She turned just in time to see him get off, watching her with what seemed like worry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Yes. Why wouldn’t I be?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘We don’t have to tell them anything if you don’t want to, Nes. I know how pestering they can be. We can wait.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She circled the car and took his hand in hers. ‘Don’t be silly. I don’t want to keep this a secret. We’ll just tell them and be done with it.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Grinning, Cassian leaned in for a quick kiss. ‘Can’t wait to see you squirm from all their questions.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Can’t wait to see you squirm when we’re alone,’ she said with a wink, and before he had a chance to reply, Nesta pulled him towards the gate. ‘Come on, let’s get this over with.’</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>‘This is a joke, right? You’re pranking us right now? You somehow managed to make peace for five minutes and fool us, because I can’t quite wrap my head around the notion that the two of you could ever be civil around each other, less alone in a <em>relationship</em>!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Feyre, darling, maybe we should—‘</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Feyre batted his hand away like it was a bothersome fly. ‘No, no, I need answers. I demand answers. I spoke to you every goddamn day, why didn’t you say something?!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta shrugged, still clutching Cassian’s hand. ‘I was worried you’d overreact, like you are right now.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I am not—‘</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Okay, stop it,’ Cassian interrupted her sister, who looked both shocked and horrified, ‘why are you even shocked? You always encouraged me to make a move on her!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Yeah, because I knew she’d bite your head off and it would amuse me!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At that, Cassian’s face fell. ‘It was all a ploy? You’re going to pay for that, Feyre. My days of being nice with you are over. I thought you were my friend!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘And I thought you couldn’t stand my sister! It was all you said about her when she’d annoy you!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta narrowed her eyes at her boyfriend. ‘Is that so?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What? No! Feyre, shut your big ass mouth!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Oh, she wouldn’t, not when she was so worked out about this. Nesta sighed when Feyre stood up on the couch and pointed at him like she was accusing him of murder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Remember the time you said even her voice annoyed you? And when you complained for an hour about how mean she is and that you found it extremely hot—‘</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Okay, I’ve listened enough. You’re done!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Feyre bolted from the couch and ran as fast as her legs could carry her while Cassian attempted to catch her. Both Rhys and Nesta watched in silence as they ran up the stairs and disappeared down the corridors, screaming insults at each other like toddlers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Can’t say I missed that,’ noted Rhys, then turned his attention towards her. ‘So I take it’s not a prank?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta shook her head, sitting down in a very expensive-looking armchair. Everything about this mansion screamed opulence, though; Rhys’ mother — and Cassian’s adoptive mother — was an extremely influential businesswoman. She kind of feared the day she’d meet the woman.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘No. Trust me, I’m still quite shocked myself.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then, slowly, Rhys grinned from ear to ear. ‘That’s good to hear. Azriel owes me five hundred bucks.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What for?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Oh, we made a bet the moment Cassian announced he was going to live at your place. Azriel bet that you’d eventually kick him out, I bet that you’d eventually realise you both like each other and… you know…’ he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, making her grown. ‘I can’t wait for him to get here, he is going to be so pissed.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You told him already?!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘From the moment I saw you two lovebirds kissing in front of the gate. I even took pictures. Wanna see them?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She covered her face with her hands, groaning. This was going to be a nightmare — Azriel would tell Elain and Elain would tell their father and eventually Mor and Amren would also find out, and God knew how annoying those two could be…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rhys’ phone chimed, indicating that he had received a text message. ‘Oh, Mor and Amren are also on their way here! That’s fantastic, we can all have dinner together. I was thinking Thai or Chinese, what do you prefer? You should get to pick the food, since everyone is going to pick on you tonight…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta grabbed one of those small, decorative pillows from the couch and threw it in his laughing face. ‘This isn’t funny!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Wait until Cassian’s team finds out. <em>That</em> will be absolutely hilarious.’</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Dinner was… No, there wasn’t even an adjective that could describe how horrible that dinner was. At some point, Nesta would’ve rather taken a bullet in her leg that listen to Mor, Elain, Amren and even Azriel, quiet, respectful <em>Azriel</em>, ask them questions that made her see red. They all wanted to know how it happened, when, who said it first, who made the first move, if they were high or drunk, if Nesta really dropped all of her standards (that came from Amren) and if Cassian was ready for a lifetime of insanity (that came from Mor). Elain, on the other hand, watched them both with obvious glee, chirping in from time to time to say that she thought they looked adorable together. That enraged Feyre even more, who was still certain that it was nothing but a well-thought prank. As if they had been <em>that</em> bored in quarantine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I still don’t buy it,’ she announced after dinner. ‘Nothing you say or do can convince me it’s real.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’m still praying it’s not, can you imagine how disastrous their fights as a couple will be? Their frenemies fights were bad enough!’ said Mor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I don’t even believe in God but I’ll also pray that you’ll come to your senses,’ said Amren to her, then glared at Cassian. ‘I get a headache every time he opens his mouth.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta had enough of their bullshit, so she stomped over to where Cassian was chatting with his brothers, grabbed him by the collar and kissed him. It took him a moment to register what was happening, but when he did, he kissed her back with just as much need.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When they finally pulled apart, Nesta couldn’t help but smirk.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Well, that’s one way to prove it.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She turned towards Feyre, whose mouth was now hanging wide open.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Convinced?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She nodded quietly, then pointed towards the kitchen. ‘I think I need a drink…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And that was that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They drove to Cassian’s apartment later that night, and as soon as he unlocked the door and let her in, Nesta realised that his mother was richer than she thought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was disgustingly big and modern, more of a penthouse than an apartment, judging by the stairs that led upstairs to what she assumed would be his bedroom. The living room had black, long couches, a coffee table filled with books from uni, an enormous TV, game consoles, an Xbox, shelves and shelves with movies decorating the walls, and on the opposite side a long dining table with a view of the city. The kitchen was bigger than her bedroom, equipped with gadgets and utensils that looked to pretty to even be used. The island’s black surface was pristine, not a spot in sight. She dragged her hand over the smooth surface, taking it all in, not knowing where to look at first.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You live here alone,’ she managed to say, eyes glued to the bar and floor-to-ceiling windows.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Um, well, Azriel stayed here for a long time during high school, but then he moved out. It’s technically my mother’s place, she decorated the place.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Then she must have exquisite taste, </em>Nesta thought before leaving the kitchen to explore the rest of the place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She wandered up the stairs before Cassian could say a word and continued to pry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a long, dimly lit corridor with walls filled with pictures. She walked slowly, analysing them all -- childhood pictures of him, of Rhys and Az, all throughout the years. There he was, on what seemed to be the first day of school; in a bright, yellow shirt and smiling brightly, his front teeth missing. And then there was one with his brothers, and one with his mother — a tall, dark-haired woman hugging her three sons on their first day of school. Another was with Cassian holding a tiny baby, surprise all over his face; that must be Evelyn, his littlesister. Nesta met her only once, and she was a venomous, strong-headed, tempered teenage girl who made her brothers' lives a true hell. Nesta respected and admired that girl more than some people she knew.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There were prom pictures, homecoming pictures, birthday pictures, holidays, all of them -- so many of them, framed and scattered all over the walls. Funny and warm and even serious. She noticed all of Cassian's physical changes over the years, how he turned from a lanky teenager with braces (she'll have to make fun of him later) to a well built man with muscles that she often wanted to lick (anddid so) and a socially acceptable hair cut.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She opened random doors — bathroom, spare bedroom, home gym <em>(really?), </em>another spare bedroom, and then, finally, Nesta stumbled upon his bedroom. Her hand quickly found the light switch and flicked it on, expecting to find a dirty boy room with socks stuck to the wall, but found quite the opposite of that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was... clean. Freakishly clean for a guy like him. She stepped in carefully, half expecting to come across a bear trap or something, and surveyed the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Besides the king-sized bed with dark sheets that she immediately wanted to jump on, the shelves filled with trophies and medals caught her eye. All of them from championships, regional and nationals, and there were dozens of them. His large desk was overflowing with stacks of books and binders from university, and the dark walls were partially covered in posters with his favourite players and bands, some of which Nesta liked as well. To her utter astonishment, there were two bookcases filled with books, most of them historical and adventure, but there were some classics there as well. She was inspecting them closely when she heard Cassian cough pointedly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Done snooping?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>'No, I still have to check out your dressing room. You actually have a dressing room? <em>How rich are you?’</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>'My <em>mom</em> is rich, not me.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta huffed. ‘Am I supposed to believe that she didn't give you access to her bank account?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Silence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘It's not like I ever spend any—'</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She ignored him, opening the door to the dressing room to have a look. It was probably half the size of his room, and Nesta gawked at the rows of various clothes -- from plain t-shirts, shorts and soccer equipment to expensive-looking shirts and even tuxedos. Polished shoes were lined on shelves and there was even a large case filled with various watches.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You surprise me more and more,’ she said, going through the shirts. ‘Is this a Tom Ford suit? You <em>have</em> to try it—'</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Okay, enough, you're making me feel like a spoiled kid and I hate it.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He took her hand and basically dragged her out of the dressing room, all because she tried to stare more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Cassian, you drive a Bentley. That says enough.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘If it makes you feel better I donate most of the money I have <em>and</em> I actually work at her firm!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Since when?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Since I turned eighteen.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You <em>work? </em>Wow, I think I need to sit down.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian rolled his eyes and elbowed her. ‘You're one to talk. I saw your shoes, a pair of those Louboutins or Manolos cost more than this watch!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘They are for <em>court!'</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Before she could say anything else, Cassian pulled her in his arms. ‘Are you done? Because I want to take a shower, and I’d be delighted if you’d deign to join me.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’ll take one after you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Why not with me?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In any other situation, Nesta would’ve been able to make up a good lie, but not when she was so close to him, not when he knew when she lied. It was more frustrating than she cared to admit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Just… Next time?’ she asked with a forced smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He nodded, then kissed her forehead before heading out the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘We’ll get rid of it one day.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Get rid of what?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Your fear of intimacy!’ he called from the hallway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I am not—‘</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian shut the bathroom door before she could finish her sentence. Sighing, she sat down on his bed, bouncing on it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Why does he have to know everything,’ she wondered, then continued to snoop.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry for the short chapter, but I really wanted to post something tonight and then start writing the last (possibly?) chapter tomorrow. Hope you enjoyed it and thank you all so much for the feedback!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. 'Sorry, I don't speak broke.'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They had been playing chess for the past hour, yet Nesta couldn’t focus on the game, which was almost ironic, since she usually loved winning. This was Cassian’s fourth win in a row, and that’s when he realised something was truly off.</p><p> </p><p>Instead of asking her what was wrong, he moved the chess board to the side and, standing face to face on the living room fluffy carpet, stared at her.</p><p> </p><p>‘What?’</p><p> </p><p>He shrugged, cocking his head to the side.</p><p> </p><p>‘Why are you staring at me?’</p><p> </p><p>Still, he said nothing. It annoyed the hell out of her, so she opened her mouth to say something, maybe ignite a little fight to simmer down, but no words came out. Absolutely nothing.</p><p> </p><p>She stared right back at him, at his patient, serene eyes, his raised eyebrows. Of course he was right — there <em>was</em> something on her mind, and it kept distracting her, but she didn’t really know how to talk about it. She didn’t even know why it bothered her in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Scared of intimacy.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Was she? That’s the name for it? For the way she was feeling, thinking, acting? Was it that easy for him to analyse her and come up with an answer to a question that’s been pestering her for years now?</p><p> </p><p>Yes. Yes, she was. People could be frightening, and she didn’t trust them too much, but she knew that he wasn’t at fault for anything. Not when he did nothing but act right and prove her wrong at every step.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, her anger vanished, replaced by defeat.</p><p> </p><p>‘I want to tell you all there is to know about me. I want you to know me, but I don’t know how. All I’ve ever did was hide it away, so how do I even begin?’</p><p> </p><p>She set her card down, staring at her feet.</p><p> </p><p>‘I don’t know what made me this way; what was the exact thing that pushed me to be so secretive and closed off and hostile. I know you’re far from being judgemental, but I keep thinking that one you see everything, you’ll realise that I’m not all that fun. I’ve never thought that opening yourself up to someone would take so much time.’</p><p> </p><p>She watched as he took her hand in his and squeezed it.</p><p> </p><p>‘I don’t care if it takes you one week or one year, Nesta. I know that feeling and I know it’s scary. Being vulnerable is never easy, but don’t put this on yourself. You don’t have to talk about it, but I still want to help you, even if it’s distracting you, being there for comfort or even giving you space. I’m not perfect either, so I understand you.’</p><p> </p><p>‘You’re not freaked out by stuff like this, though,’ she replied, looking him in the eye. ‘You’re more in control of your own emotions than I am.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Since when is it a competition?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Since I’d like to be able to be just as carefree as you!’</p><p> </p><p>‘What makes you think I am?’ he frowned.</p><p> </p><p>‘Cassian, you have no problem being naked in front of me. I do!’</p><p> </p><p>‘Oh,’ he said, realisation kicking in. ‘That’s what this is about. <em>Really?’</em></p><p> </p><p>She scoffed and attempted to stand up, but Cassian pulled her down.</p><p> </p><p>‘Talk to me so I can understand why this is bothering you. Please?’</p><p> </p><p>But how did she even explain something so stupid? It would just make her look like a complete idiot. Not that Cassian didn’t already know that she was one.</p><p> </p><p>‘It’s… It’s not that big of a deal.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Sweetheart, if it made you lose four times to me and you didn’t threaten to maim me, it <em>is</em> a pretty big deal. Why would that even bother you?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Because I’d like to keep up with you.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Again, this is <em>not</em> a competition,’ he laughed, then pulled her close enough to wrap his arms around her waist. ‘And I’m also not a woman, so I can’t say that I completely understand how you feel or how difficult this is, but I know for certain that you shouldn’t ever have to worry about that. I’m not an idiot, I know human bodies don’t look like the ones you see in porn movies, and the things that are considered ‘flaws’ aren’t really flaws.’</p><p> </p><p>‘That’s big, coming from someone who is flawless,’ she retorted.</p><p> </p><p>Cassian shook his head, trying hard not to laugh. ‘I’m not flawless, you idiot.’</p><p> </p><p>‘I mean your personality isn’t, you’re pretty annoying most of the times, but I can’t really complain about your body. It is quite perfect.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Why?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Because… I find it attractive?’</p><p> </p><p>‘And you think yours isn’t?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Not always. Not enough.’</p><p> </p><p>‘And if I think it is? Would you call me a liar?’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta bit her lip, trying hard not to stare down at herself.</p><p> </p><p>‘I’d have a hard time believing it.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Sweetheart… I didn’t fall in love because of your body. It’s a plus, because you really are extremely beautiful, but it’s not what defines you. There is not one single thing about your body that I do not like, even the things you hate, because they’re all <em>you</em>. And I love all of you.’</p><p> </p><p>She tired hard to keep back the tears, because no one, <em>no one</em> has ever spoken to her that way. It was almost surreal.</p><p> </p><p>‘I love you,’ she said, then kissed him softly, tenderly, just the way he was with her.</p><p> </p><p>Despite what she’d thought, Cassian was an extremely gentle person. He was attentive and calming and knew how to untie her tightest knot without her realising it. Everything he did, even the way he touched her, sparked nothing but adoration and safety. He felt like home.</p><p> </p><p>‘Thank you for putting up with my crap,’ she said when they broke apart.</p><p> </p><p>He kissed her cheek, then her nose and forehead. ‘Don’t ever thank me for that. I’m always here for you.’</p><p> </p><p>She knew that, and she believed his words.</p><p> </p><p>‘So… How about that shower?’</p><p> </p><p>‘No, because you’re just trying to prove a point. How about something else?’</p><p> </p><p>‘I don’t have a good feeling about this…’</p><p> </p><p>‘Can you swim?’</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>‘You have a <em>rooftop pool?</em> You’re disgustingly rich and I’m half-tempted to marry you just so I can divorce you and take your money.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Nesta, you don’t even let me pay for food, so I have a hard time believing you’d rob me.’</p><p> </p><p>‘True, but don’t test me.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Are you going to sit there all night?’</p><p> </p><p>‘…Maybe?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Do I need to come out and throw you in the water?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Fuck no. Give me a minute.’</p><p> </p><p>They were on the rooftop of the building, where apparently there was a not so big heated pool with a fantastic view of the city lights. Cassian was already in, of course, and was currently showing off by swimming from one end to another, his back muscles flexing so beautifully that it made Nesta sigh. Damn, he really was something to behold.</p><p>
  
</p><p>At first, Nesta was reluctant about jumping in, saying that she didn’t even have a swimsuit, but then she said her underwear and bra would do just fine when he proposed skinny dipping. So as he wasn’t paying attention to her, Nesta took off her t-shirt and short jeans. Goosebumps covered her legs and arms due to the chilly night air, so she sat on the edge of the pool, dipping her legs in.</p><p> </p><p>It was so warm that it made her sigh.</p><p> </p><p>Before she knew it, Cassian swam right to her legs, gripping her ankles.</p><p> </p><p>‘Don’t you dare,’ she mustered out, attempting to pull her knees to her chest.</p><p> </p><p>His devious smirk said enough. ‘Why? Can’t swim?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Took you long enough to figure it out.’</p><p> </p><p>His face fell. ‘You can’t swim? Who doesn’t know how to swim?’</p><p> </p><p>‘People who didn’t grow up with rooftop pools,’ she offered.</p><p> </p><p>‘Sorry, I don’t speak broke. Hold on!’</p><p> </p><p>‘Hold onto wh— <em>Cassian!’</em></p><p> </p><p>She had half the sense to take a big breath and grip his shoulders before Cassian hauled her off the edge and straight into the deep, lit pool. It took a lot of concentration not to inhale and kicked her legs and arms — probably even Cassian — until she made for the surface.</p><p> </p><p>The second her head was out, Nesta gasped for air, attempting to go for the rails.</p><p> </p><p>‘Why did you kick me?!’</p><p> </p><p>‘Because I can’t swim!’</p><p> </p><p>Just the fact that her toes couldn’t even touch the bottom made her squirm. She gripped the rails as tight as she could while Cassian swam right next to her, looking both amused and disheartened.</p><p> </p><p>‘I almost feel sorry for you.’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta splashed some water in his face, which she regretted immediately, because he did the same, and her dumbass chocked on it. Quite literally.</p><p> </p><p>‘I hate you,’ she said between coughs, wiping her sore eyes.</p><p> </p><p>‘You’re insufferable. Come on, hold onto me, I swear I’m not going to pull you under.’</p><p> </p><p>He touched the small of her back and attempted to pull her into his arms, but Nesta wouldn’t let go.</p><p> </p><p>‘Hell no, you’ll just drown me!’</p><p> </p><p>‘I said I wouldn’t! Don’t you trust me?’</p><p> </p><p>‘No!’</p><p> </p><p>‘Please? I promise I won’t put your life in jeopardy. Just let go of the rails, you won’t die.’</p><p> </p><p>The only reason she did let go was his pleading face. Reluctantly, Nesta wrapped her arms around his neck and legs around his waist as he moved to the centre of the pool, all the while ignoring her threats.</p><p> </p><p>‘If you drop me I swear I’ll choke you to death!’</p><p> </p><p>‘Charming, but you can stop squeezing me so damn much, you won’t die!’</p><p> </p><p>‘Easy for you to say, your feet can touch the bottom!’</p><p> </p><p>Cassian sighed, stopping near the edge. ‘Nes, let go of your legs. I’m not letting go of you.’</p><p> </p><p>She untangled her legs and swayed them in the water, frowning at the unpleasant sensation. She hated oceans and seas for that very reason — you never knew what lurked underneath you. They were in a lit pool, sure, but it was still frightening.</p><p> </p><p>‘Better?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Not really, but I guess it’ll have to work.’</p><p> </p><p>When he convinced her to wrap her legs around his waist and lean back, Nesta freaked, but managed to do it with his continuous encouragement. As she spread her arms and looked up at the night sky while Cassian supported her waist and legs, Nesta grinned. It did feel… pleasant, to say at least.</p><p> </p><p>‘You know who you remind me of when your hair spreads like that underwater? Medusa. You’re a far cry from Ariel, sweetheart.’</p><p> </p><p>‘You’re an asshole,’ she laughed, then proceeded to kick him with her knee. ‘You’re no prince Eric yourself.’</p><p> </p><p>‘I know, I’m more charming than him. Plus, he reminds me of Rhys with that dark hair and baby face. Thanks, but no thanks.’</p><p> </p><p>‘You are such a hater,’ she laughed, moving her hands to his shoulders to stand upright. ‘You’re lucky I never liked him anyway.’</p><p> </p><p>‘Are we talking about prince Eric or Rhys? Because you better not be talking about—‘</p><p> </p><p>‘God, shut up already,’ she sighed, then kissed him, which shut him up at once.</p><p> </p><p>Nesta would’ve thought that by now she’d get tired of making out with him, but no, she could never get enough of his taste, his lips on hers, his roaming hands gripping her hips and ass, of that little noise he made each time she bit his lip. She ran her hands through his wet hair as he deepened the kiss, pressing more into her, making her moan.</p><p> </p><p>He set her alight with each touch, each stroke and caress, making her yearn for more, more, more. Her hands moved by their own accord and unhooked her bra, pulling back long enough to take it off and throw it outside the pool.</p><p> </p><p>Cassian surveyed her naked, wet chest, a grin spreading on his face.</p><p> </p><p>‘Can you please never wear a bra again? I like this view so much more.’</p><p> </p><p>That was somehow enough for Nesta to keep her arms where they were and not cover herself. She leaned more into him, tilting his chin up to give him a quick kiss.</p><p> </p><p>‘I can be persuaded.’</p><p> </p><p>That was all he needed to hear before kissing her, his hands already making their way towards her breasts.</p><p> </p><p>Making out in a pool was more difficult than Nesta would’ve anticipated, but she couldn’t stop long enough to complain, not when his hands were playing with her breasts and he was kissing down her neck, biting her hard enough until she moaned. He had her digging her nails in his back from so much need and pleasure, and before she could suggest getting out, he moved her to the edge of the pool and hoisted her up.</p><p> </p><p>‘What are we— Oh, <em>hell no,</em> someone could see us!’</p><p> </p><p>Cassian only rolled his eyes, hands still on her spread knees. ‘No one will see us. And even if they do, I don’t think they’ll complain about the free show.’</p><p> </p><p>He had the nerve to kiss her thighs as he continued to pull them apart, giving him enough space to place his head right where he wanted.</p><p> </p><p>‘Cassian,’ she breathed, though her control was slipping away bit by bit. He had her, he had her and he knew.</p><p> </p><p>‘Do you want me to stop?’</p><p> </p><p>She looked down at his angelic face and innocent smile and gritted her teeth. ‘Do you enjoy torturing me?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Not at all,’ he replied, raising both her legs and placing them on his shoulders. ‘I love making you feel good. And I love when you squirm,’ he continued, kissing her inner thigh, ‘and try to pull back or push my head away when you’re so close to coming.’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta exhaled, finally relaxing her tense muscles.</p><p> </p><p>‘Or how you arch your back when you do and try to cover your mouth, but those sounds you make are too good to be muffled.’</p><p> </p><p>Her breath hitched when he kissed her right on top of her underwear, then moved it to the side to get access to her pussy. She closed her eyes and covered her mouth as he kissed her <em>there</em>, then…</p><p> </p><p>Then he stopped.</p><p> </p><p>Stupefied, Nesta opened her eyes to find him staring at her with his brows raised.</p><p> </p><p>‘Why did you stop?!’</p><p> </p><p>‘No, this isn’t working. Come on, get up.’</p><p> </p><p>‘What? <em>Why?!’</em></p><p> </p><p>Cassian exited the pool in such away that she could do nothing but stare at those beautiful, wet and flexing muscles that she really wanted to get her hands on. Before she could inquire further about why the hell he stopped, Cassian gripped her underarms and pulled her to her feet.</p><p> </p><p>‘Are you going to tell me what the hell you’re doing?’ she asked when he gave her a towel, then used the other to quickly dry his hair.</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t go past her that he was also extremely turned on — his bulge said enough. Nesta groaned when he took her hand and dragged her inside, still clutching the towel to her chest.</p><p> </p><p>‘We’re going to my bedroom,’ he simply said.</p><p> </p><p>‘What for?’</p><p> </p><p>They went up the stairs and straight to his bedroom. When they finally got there he let go of her hand and went to his dressing room.</p><p> </p><p>‘Cassian?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Yes?’ he called out.</p><p> </p><p>‘Talk to me or I’m going to kill you.’</p><p> </p><p>He came out with a tie in his hands, the towel long forgotten. ‘See, that’s the issue. You’re so used to being in control that you just can’t let go of it.’</p><p> </p><p>‘What’s so wrong with being in control?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Sometimes nothing, sometimes everything. Can we try something?’</p><p> </p><p>And then realisation kicked in. ‘You want to tie my hands?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Only if you’ll let me,’ he said with a wink.</p><p> </p><p>Nesta looked back at the bed, then at the red tie in his hands, her stomach fluttering already. With the towel still wrapped safely around her, Nesta presented him her wrists.</p><p> </p><p>‘Fine.’</p><p> </p><p>He closed the distance between them and with his free hand, clasped both her wrists while staring down at her. ‘Are you… sure?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Why wouldn’t I be? Are you planning on tying me up and then murdering me?’</p><p> </p><p>‘No, that would stain the bed,’ he laughed, then began tying her hands. ‘Promise to tell me if it’s too much?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Cross my heart and hope to die,’ she replied, transfixed by how swift his hands were. ‘I don’t even want to know how you got so good at tying things.’</p><p> </p><p>‘I was a boy scout, smartass, I know how to make knots. Is it too tight?’</p><p> </p><p>‘It’s actually quite loose,’ she teased.</p><p> </p><p>He tightened the knot just a little bit. ‘How about this?’</p><p> </p><p>‘A child can make a tighter knot than you,’ she chuckled.</p><p> </p><p>Cassian gave her such a stern look that her knees almost liquified. ‘You’re all talk now, but you won’t be in five minutes, sweetheart,’ he said, then tightened the knot enough to make her squeal.</p><p> </p><p>Without a word, Cassian unwrapped her towel and let it fall to the floor, which made her grin twitch. She looked anywhere but at him, all too aware of the position she was in. He knew her body, saw it naked, but still — not like this. Not when she was standing in front of him and he could see everything, and it unnerved her, though she knew it was irrational—</p><p> </p><p>‘Look at me,’ he said, tilting her head back. His face softened, and a small smile played on his lips. ‘You’re beautiful, and I love you,’ he said, then kissed her softly.</p><p> </p><p>Nesta kissed him right back, her heart racing faster and faster, especially when he nudged her towards the bed, still not breaking apart.</p><p> </p><p>Her foot touched the wooden bed frame and she lowered herself down. Cassian moved his hands from her waist to her hips and then thighs, his touches so light that it almost made Nesta beg for more. She backed up, moving to the centre of the bed, making room for him. When he pulled back and saw the look of utter desperation on her face, Cassian smirked.</p><p> </p><p>‘I told you. Now give me your hands and lean back.’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta frowned, then looked at the headboard, her lips forming a small ‘o’. ‘You don’t mean to…’</p><p> </p><p>‘That’s exactly what I mean to do. Unless you don’t want to?’</p><p> </p><p>She looked back at him, then at the remaining length of the tie. It was enough to make a knot around the bed frame, but she didn’t actually think he wanted to tie her <em>to</em> the bed.</p><p> </p><p>However, the mere thought of that sent shivers down her spine.</p><p> </p><p>‘No, I want to. Though I’m pretty sure I’ll manage to free my hands in no time.’</p><p> </p><p>Cassian caressed the side of her face, shaking his head. ‘Oh, poor you. So optimistic. Lean back for me.’</p><p> </p><p>She did, making herself comfortable on the pillows while Cassian raised her arms above her head and tied them to the bed frame. When he was done he tugged on the knot once, then twice, a smirk growing on his face.</p><p> </p><p>‘Good luck attempting to get out of those, love.’</p><p> </p><p>Nesta rolled her eyes and tugged, moving her hands side to side, then tugged harder.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing.</p><p> </p><p>Cassian moved on top of her, kissing her forehead. ‘I love it when I prove you wrong. It’s just so empowering, you know?’</p><p> </p><p>She looked up at the tight knot, then back up at him. ‘Is this so I’ll stop covering my mouth and pushing your head away?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Damn right,’ he replied, kissing her nose. ‘Three rules: one, you want to stop, you feel uncomfortable, your hands hurt, you <em>tell</em> me. Two, don’t pull on the tie again, it will only bruise your wrists and that’s the last thing I want. Understood?’</p><p> </p><p>To her surprise, Nesta found herself nodding. ‘And the third one?’</p><p> </p><p>He stood back, looking her up and down, that mischievous gleam in his eyes making her heart beat faster. He moved his hand between her legs and gently pushed his thumb against her clit, making her stomach clench.</p><p> </p><p>‘Don’t hold yourself back.’</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>There were many aspects of BDSM that Cassian enjoyed, but he never thought that something as simple and basic as tying Nesta to the bed frame could be so… enticing and thrilling. It was probably the way she looked at him with those big, doe eyes, or how her hips moved each time he pushed his thumb harder against her, rubbing her clit in slow motions. Or maybe it was her pouty lips, or how she arched her back from need, still pulling on that damn tie despite his warnings. He intended to use handcuffs first, but he worried that it would’ve been way too soon for them. He didn’t want to hurry this, or her.</p><p> </p><p>‘What did I say about pulling?’</p><p> </p><p>She opened her eyes and the look of pure desperation and need almost unraveled him.</p><p> </p><p>‘Can you stop teasing me?’</p><p> </p><p>‘Ask nicely and maybe I’ll consider,’ he replied, still circling her clit. She was getting wetter and wetter, and it took everything not to just give in and run his fingers against her folds, spread that wetness he was feeling and plunge his fingers in. He craved to feel her, taste her, listen to her — she was intoxicating.</p><p> </p><p>‘Please,’ she whimpered, spreading her legs before him. ‘Please touch me?’</p><p> </p><p>That was more than enough encouragement on her part.</p><p> </p><p>While he slowly took off her underwear, Cassian kissed her breasts, her navel, stomach, grinning at her soft gasps. He tossed it aside and spread her legs, stopping just long enough to take her in.</p><p> </p><p>Fucking hell, she was exquisite. And it wasn’t just her body, even though it did wonders to his cock right now, but how she was already panting, watching him with anticipation, silently asking him with her eyes to do something, <em>anything</em>… He wasn’t going to deny her that.</p><p> </p><p>He kissed and gently bit her inner thighs, making her groan, push herself more into him until he finally relented and gave her what she craved.</p><p> </p><p>At the first lick, Nesta’s breath hitched. At the second one, she whimpered, and when he began his slow onslaught on her clit, her moans erupted.</p><p> </p><p>It was music to his ears. That, and the way she tasted, how her muscles contracted and shook each time he went faster or slowed down, taking his sweet time with her. He pulled her legs as further away as possible and gripped her hips and breasts, pinching her nipples as his tongue went in and out, then went back to her clit. When he looked up to her and saw her blissful yet helpless face, Cassian grinned against her core — he knew she’d be reluctant to give up control, but someone like her, someone who was never not in control, needed to let someone else take the reins sometimes. She didn’t like being told what to do, but in situations like this one, when she was at her most vulnerable, open and bare before him, Cassian knew she wanted guidance. Being told how and setting rules. It wasn’t something small, giving him control, and it meant much more than she could possibly understand. She <em>trusted</em> him.</p><p> </p><p>Cassian wasn’t going to let her down.</p><p> </p><p>When she was wet enough that he could’ve easily slid in his cock, Cassian did so with his middle finger. She gasped, her muscles clenching around his finger.</p><p> </p><p>‘Need me to stop?’ he asked, looking up at her.</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head, breathing heavily. ‘No, no, keep going,’ she mumbled, pushing herself down on his finger, and Cassian was just about to grind into the mattress.</p><p> </p><p>Of course he could not stop thinking about her pushing herself down his cock, but that wasn’t probably the best thing to think about. Not right now.</p><p> </p><p>He pushed his finger in past the knuckle, all the way in, then slowly took it out, repeating the motion. He curled it in, hitting up, feeling how she was relaxing around him, how she moaned louder and louder. When he sped up and licked her clit at the same time, Nesta attempted to pull back, but he pinned her down with his free arm, keeping her still. He pushed a second finger in, keeping the same fast pace, and she became an incoherent mess in no time.</p><p> </p><p>She clenched around his fingers, thrusted her hips upward when he hit deeper, his tongue teasing her until she was almost sobbing. He slowed down, then picked up the pace again, doing so until her legs began to shake and so did she, until she warned him in a stuttering voice that she was going to cum, and he didn’t stop. He only went harder, faster.</p><p> </p><p>Nesta came with his name on her lips, and Cassian was certain that he was going to come just from that.</p><p> </p><p>When she rode out her orgasm and her legs stopped shaking, Cassian took out his fingers, yet still licked her clit; he liked how she jolted and tried to pull back, too sensitive to be touched again.</p><p> </p><p>‘Stop, stop,’ she muttered, and he did.</p><p> </p><p>When he pulled himself up and kissed her, she was still panting, and a few tears ran down her face.</p><p> </p><p>‘Too much?’ he asked, kissing her cheeks and forehead.</p><p> </p><p>‘Yes. In a good way. Tie me up more often.’</p><p> </p><p>And her lazy, warm smile was more satisfying than anything else. He wiped her tears and sweaty face, mirroring her smile.</p><p> </p><p>‘My pleasure.’</p><p> </p><p>‘About that…’ she began, then looked up at her tied wrists. ‘Untie me, because I’m not really done.’</p><p> </p><p>Cassian was going to marry this girl one day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wow, this was really fun to write. I'll continue this scene in the next chapter, which will be the last one. Hope you enjoyed it, and again, thank you all for the positive feedback!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. 'Couldn’t I have a nice, goody-two-shoes girlfriend?’</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘Should we slow down? We should slow down,’ Cassian managed to say between heated kisses and half moans. ‘We have all the time in the world, we don’t need to do this now…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Do you want to stop?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian drew back, taking her naked body in. Nesta didn’t move her arms to cover herself, but kept them where they were, panting softly from their intense making out session. They’d been at it for… For how long? An hour, two? It seems like ages ago when he had her hands tied up, making her come with his tongue and fingers. But after that she made <em>him</em> come — and his moans and grunts were still echoing in her mind, turning her insides to jelly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Truth was, Cassian was a very sexual being. He respected her boundaries and limits, didn’t push for more, but once he had free rein to do whatever he wanted… Nesta had trouble keeping up with him. Even now, when he was obviously turned on, looking at her with a sort of adoration and desire, Nesta knew he wouldn’t go further unless she voiced it out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And she truly, completely, <em>desperately</em> wanted to go further.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She propped herself on her elbows, dragging her nails on his thigh, going higher and higher, not taking her eyes off of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Do I <em>look</em> like I want to stop?’ he asked, pointing with his chin at his erection.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta smiled coyly. ‘Then what are you worried about? It’s not like you haven’t done it before.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian caught her wrist just before she could touch his cock. ‘I know I have, but it’s different.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Because I haven’t?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘No. Because it matters more. And I… Don’t want anything to be bad? I’ve never been with someone who hasn’t had sex before, and I’m a bit nervous. I don’t want it to hurt for you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Frowning, Nesta sat upright. ‘You’re worried it’s going to hurt <em>me?’</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Um, yes, because I don’t really take any pleasure from seeing you in pain.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Cassian, I don’t think it hurts that bad. And even if it does, I don’t really care, because I am craving you so bad right now. See?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She placed his hand between her thighs, moving his fingers between her drenched folds. A slow smile spread on her face when his eyes widened slightly, especially when she began to move his fingers across her aching clit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta inched closer to him, pressing her breasts against his bare chest and giving him a brief, almost chaste kiss. ‘I love you and I trust you. And I really, really want to make love with you. Now, if you’d like.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His lips parted slightly, and he looked like he wanted to say something, though no words came out. After staring at her for a few seconds, searching for an answer probably, a tender, loving smile adorned his beautiful face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Of course I’d like to. I love you with all my heart.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta retracted her hand, leaving his between her legs, where he continued to rub her. She circled his neck with her arms and straddled him, wanting to get as close to his cock as possible, feel it against her pussy, but he wouldn’t move his hand away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Do you want to tie me up again?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Definitely not.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She made a face. ‘Why not?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Because I don’t want to dominate you on our first time. We can postpone that for another time,’ he smirked, kissing the tip of her nose.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Fine, but at least move your hand away so—‘</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He <em>did</em> move his hand, but only to grip her hips and push her back from his lap. Before she could ask him what he wanted to do, Cassian’s lips were on her, kissing her gently as he pushed her flat on her back. He nudged her legs apart and Nesta thought he’d position himself between them, but instead he kept touching her with his fingers, and then he kissed his way down to her pussy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I don’t think I need more foreplay,’ she tried to say, too impatient to wait any longer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’m starting to think you don’t know how this works,’ he chuckled. ‘Plus, I love going down on you. You’re incredibly sexy.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘But I…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her words trailed off as he dipped and licked a long stripe, beginning his lovely onslaught.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It didn’t matter how many times he did it; Nesta still gasped each time his burning tongue connected with her throbbing clit, circling it, teasing it, playing with it. Each time, she tried to push herself more against his face, to feel more, experience more. Cassian intertwined their fingers before she’d have a chance to move her arms or attempt to stifle her moans, and she didn’t even try to. They came out one after another, and as that pressure continued to build and build, her whole body seemed to be on fire.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She looked down to him, his mess of curls that she loved to pull, his flexing back muscles, and almost said a prayer of thanks. God, he knew what he was doing, and he was relentless.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That pressure in her stomach grew by the minute and she arched her back, thrashing more under his ministrations, and before she could give a warning that she would come, Cassian stopped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Up.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What? Why are you stopping again?!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He kissed her thigh before pulling her up, switching their places. Realisation kicked in just as he laid down in her stead, hands on her hips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Do you want me to sit on your face?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His smirk said it all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Where else?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Well, I could always try to sit on your…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He yanked her forward before she’d have a chance to finish her sentence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Not yet.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta indulged him, even though she was still a bit reluctant about sitting on his face; what if she accidentally broke his neck? She could already imagine how embarrassing that would be to explain to her sisters. They would never drop it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Fuck,’ she moaned when Cassian pulled her over his face, his tongue already out to play. ‘Oh God, fuck, fuck, fuck… If you stop again I will murder you, please don’t even think about stopping…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She gripped the bed frame as she bit into her hand, spewing a few curses here and there, telling him just how good it was. Nesta knew she wouldn’t last long, not when her legs began to tremble and Cassian picked up the pace. When he let go of one of her thighs and plunged not one but <em>two</em> fingers in at once, moving them faster and faster, Nesta felt herself clench around them as her orgasm erupted across her body, making her throw her head back and gasp loudly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It left her breathless. Even as he continued to lick her, fingers still in, Nesta didn’t want to stop — yet her whole body convulsed and trembled from each stroke of his tongue. Still ravenous, Nesta managed to draw back from his face, moving lower and lower on him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Where the hell were you my whole life?’ she smirked, bending down to kiss him, tasting herself on his wet lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Keeping my distance, as any sane man should,’ he joked, grasping her ass.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘At least we can both agree on the fact that you’re a bit mad.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian cocked his head to the side, running his hand up her waist, cupping her left breast in his hand. ‘After you? Completely.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta dared to lower herself a tiny bit on his cock; not put it in, but sit against the shaft, letting it part her folds and feel how wet she was. Cassian sucked in a harsh breath and closed his eyes, muttering a few curses under his breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Fucking hell, a little… warning before?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She moved a little across it, shocked to feel that warmth returning so soon into her core. It was so smooth and hard against her, and as she ground more and more against it, Cassian became a swearing, stammering mess.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘F-Fuck, this feels so good, holy shit…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Reaching down, Nesta gripped his cock in her hand, running her thumb over his wet tip. He opened his eyes and looked down at her hand, muttering another curse, and that’s when she got off of him and moved lower, still holding him in her hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Don’t you dare make me cum right now,’ he warned, managing to look somewhat stern.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta simply winked before kneeling between his legs and, while maintaining eye contact, leaned over and licked the tip, tasting the salty pre-cum.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Should I stop?’ she asked, giving it another playful lick. ‘Have I told you how much I love sucking you? It turns me on so much, especially when you can’t help yourself and thrust your cock in my mouth, and when you pull my hair harder and harder…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He threw his head back when Nesta’s lips covered his tip, tongue circling it, getting it wetter and wetter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You’re going to kill me,’ he grunted out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She ran her tongue up and down his cock, using her hand to spread her saliva until it was soaking in it. When she took half of him in her mouth, sucking and licking slowly, lazily, Cassian moaned. She used her free hand to stroke the rest of his cock, moving it up and down, gripping it. After he reassured her time and again that nothing she did hurt him, her courage grew and no longer balked at trying out new things.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Bit by bit, she fit more of him in her mouth, bobbing her head up and down at a faster pace. His erratic moans made her thighs clench as she took all of his cock in her mouth, managing not to choke instantly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Fuck, Nesta, don’t make me cum,’ he warned, and when she sucked harder and faster, his hand gripped her hair by the roots, making her moan.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But then he pulled his cock out of her mouth, and she sulked. ‘You are such a killjoy.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘And you’re driving me crazy,’ he said, pushing her on her back. ‘I’m not going to cum right before we do it.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You came half an hour ago, does it matter?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He shook his head, then kissed her. ‘You’re impossible,’ he whispered, caressing her cheek.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta smiled, rubbing her nose against his. ‘I know. Don’t blame me for wanting to give you pleasure.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You give me too <em>much</em> pleasure,’ he laughed. ‘But… If you’re still certain, then I’d rather not cum before I get the chance to make love with you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I am very certain, Cass,’ she reassured him. ‘I want to.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He searched her face once more. ‘Promise to tell me to stop if it’s uncomfortable, or anything hurts?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She nodded vigorously. ‘I promise.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘And try not to hurry me, because I want to do this right,’ he said, then kissed her before she could ask any more questions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Of course he had an itch that she’d want to hurry, too curious to waste any time, but Cassian had other plans. She slowed down when he kissed her so tenderlyand deeply that it made her heart speed up, his hands caressing every inch of her skin, her breasts, her nipples, setting her skin on fire. He was taking his sweet time, kissing the corners of her mouth, her cheeks and jaw, then her neck, and for a second, Nesta forgot why she was hurrying in the first place. For all his worry and nervousness, Cassian knew how to do this better than her, and he took it to the heart when she said that she wanted to make love with him — he wasn’t going to just fuck her. He was putting his whole soul into it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It almost brought tears to her eyes, and she couldn’t even manage to pull her hands away from him, his body, to part her lips from his skin, to not murmur how much she loved and adored him, how much he meant to her, how <em>good</em> and cared for he made her feel…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I love you, too,’ he said, just as his fingers touched her where she craved him most. ‘So, so much. God, you’re so beautiful, it actually pains me to look at you right now.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She laughed, seeing that his eyes were also glossy. She reached up and cupped his cheek, smiling softly. ‘You’re the most beautiful person I’ve met, Cass. And I don’t mean just your smoking hot body, but your heart as well. If someone told me a year ago that I’d admit to this, I would’ve probably shot them.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I wouldn’t expect any less from you, my love,’ he chuckled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘But I mean it. All of it.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She hooked her legs behind his back and pulled him over her, skins flushed together. Cassian inhaled sharply when his cock brushed against her pussy, and Nesta thrusted her hips up, wanting to feel more, more, more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Don’t ask me if I’m sure again,’ she warned him, and he grinned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I won’t,’ he promised, kissing her just as he gripped his cock, slowly parting her folds, moving the tip up and down to spread her wetness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta moaned in his mouth, digging her nails in his back. The tip pressed against her entrance, and Nesta nodded, urging him to go more. At first, there was no pain, no discomfort; she didn’t dare move too much when he entered her slowly, all too slowly, moving his free hand to intertwine their fingers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Fuck,’ he groaned, pressing her forehead against hers. ‘Fuck, you’re so tight…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But then he moved a bit more, and Nesta winced. He froze.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Does it hurt? Do you want me to stop?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She shook her head, trying to erase the grimace from her face. ‘No, no, don’t stop, please.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian pushed his cock in a bit more and she yelped from the sudden flare of pain — no, not pain, but more of a stinging, so bad that it reverberated in her entire body. And it was strange to have something of a bigger size enter your body; it felt foreign. She needed to look at him just once for him to withdrew, and for some reason, that seemed to also sting like a complete bitch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ he apologised, kissing her forehead. ‘That bad?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta shook her head. ‘It just… stings a lot. And it feels too much.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Well, it’s quite different from my fingers…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Let’s try again.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What? You do know it will—‘</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She shut him up with a kiss, already having her mind set on it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’m no quitter. Go in slowly,’ she said, and sneaked her hand between them to take his cock and guide it to her entrance once again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Tell me when to stop,’ was all he said before he pushed the tip in once more, but took it out and did it again, moving deeper.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He did move slower, and when she finally removed her hand, his began to rub her clit in gentle, circular motions. Nesta could see how much he was trying to hold back; a sigh escaped his mouth when he went in and out again, pushing more of his cock inside her, his face a mix of bliss and torture. Nesta was all tense, expecting the pain to kick in at any moment now, barely allowing herself to breathe; and while it wasn’t completely unpleasant, having him in, she knew it would hurt again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Nes?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Hmm?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Relax,’ he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers. ‘Breathe. Don’t think about pain or anything. Let your body relax, love.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She tried — she <em>really</em> tried, but her heart wouldn’t stop pounding, and when he entered her more, way deeper than the first time she asked him to stop, Nesta’s whole body jerked. It stung again, and Cassian stopped, waiting for her to tell him what to do. Despite knowing better, Nesta nodded, and he needed to roll his hips just once for her to flinch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Enough?’ he guessed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Enough,’ she winced.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She bit her lip when he slowly pulled out, settling down next to her. His palm cupped her cheek as he turned her face towards him, worry etched in his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Are you okay?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Yes. I’m sorry.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘For?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta gestured towards their naked bodies. ‘This? I wouldn’t have stopped, but it…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Why are you apologising? I should apologise, I’m the reason you’re in pain to begin with.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian sighed, scooting closer to her. ‘You have nothing to be sorry about. It’s normal to hurt, even though I really wish it didn’t. Do you need anything? Should I get you something? Does it still hurt?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She shook her head, smiling softly. ‘No, I’m perfectly fine. And you’re also perfect and it’s not your fault it hurt and it didn’t suck.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian moved his other arm under her back, nestling his head in the crook between her neck and head. ‘Thank you. We can try again another time, there’s no hurry.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘So… You’re not pissed at me for making you stop?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His exasperated sigh said enough. ‘If you say that crap again I will strangle you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Tempting,’ she laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You think I care more about an orgasm than your own comfort?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta kissed the top of his head, twirling a few strands of his brown hair around her finger. ‘I know you don’t. And you’re right, we have all the time in the world to do it.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Am I not always right?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Hmm, no, not really.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You’re so mean. Couldn’t I have a nice, goody-two-shoes girlfriend?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Why, so she could bore you to death?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian chuckled. ‘I do have a thing for your bitchy attitude, I can’t deny that.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘And I for arrogant assholes.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Vicious know-it-all,’ he continued.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Braggy, obnoxious player.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Stubborn, always wants to be right, hated by her entire class…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘That one rich kid who everyone hated and adored in high school.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What? No one hated me in high school!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta huffed. ‘Please, the guys must’ve wanted to throttle you. Didn’t their girlfriends hit on you behind their backs?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was quiet for a couple of seconds. ‘That doesn’t mean anything. I never took them up on their offers!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Yeah, I bet that drove them mad. How many groupies did you have, anyway?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian looked up at her, realisation hitting him. ‘Are you jealous?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What? No! Why would I care about your nefarious activities with girls I have never met nor wish to ever meet?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His grin was almost blinding.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You <em>are</em> jealous.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Do I have a reason to be jealous?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘From my side of things, definitely not, but you should get used to the idea of numerous women of all ages staring at this,’ he gestured towards his naked body. ‘Everyone wants what they can’t have.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta gave him a sweet, almost innocent smile. ‘I’m not the jealous kind. They can stare all they want, because you’re still mine.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>’So possessive as well,’ he laughed, then kissed her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘And I also hate sharing what’s mine.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘<em>That</em> we can both agree on. Do you want to know how many times I threatened to punch the guys from my team when they wanted to hook up with you?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta perked up. ‘Really? Which one? Was it by any chance Lucas, the one with the tattoos? Or Finn, or maybe—‘</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He covered her mouth with his hand, giving her a bemused look. ‘I never said anything about me not being the jealous type, sweetheart.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her hand wrapped around his wrist and moved it away, then leaned more into his arms, bringing her mouth impossibly close to his. ‘Jealousy looks really good on you. I’ll make sure to test your limits every now and then.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘If you have a death wish, then be my guest.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Don’t worry, I’ll find a way to make it up to you,’ she said, then kissed him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The kiss was unhurried, slow, and she shuddered when he spread his palm on her stomach, moving it up to cup her breasts, tracing her every curve, igniting a fire inside her. She pushed herself more against him, finding him just as hard as before, and she moaned in his mouth when he moved his hand between her thighs, touching her tentatively.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Is this okay?’ he inquired and she immediately nodded, squeezing her eyes shut when his thumb circled her clit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After spreading her legs as much as she could, moving one on top of his, her back glued to his chest, Nesta reached under her to grip his erect cock, giving it a light stroke. He groaned in her mouth, yet he didn’t falter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The more he touched her, the faster her need for him returned. Her grip on his cock was tight enough to make him swear against her lips, leaving him breathless, and whenever she moved her hand up and down, keeping the same pace as him, Cassian tensed. One finger entered her, then another, and the fire inside her belly was roaring, begging for more, and she could just <em>feel</em> how wet she was, and this time she didn’t want to stop. When their lips parted long enough to breathe, Nesta positioned herself right above his throbbing cock, making him stop.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘We shouldn’t try again,’ he whispered, opening his eyes to look at her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If she could only explain to him how much she wanted to, how much her body demanded it, as if it had already forgotten all about the pain. Maybe it did. Maybe it didn’t, but stopped caring. Nesta certainly did, so she just shook her head as sheguided his cock to her pussy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘It’s fine, I promise,’ she replied. ‘I want to.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And she knew he also wanted to, because his hips kept thrusting upwards, dragging his cock through her wetness. Her breath hitched when he moved her hand away and flicked her clit with the tip of his cock and then slowly, gently, pushed it inside her again, cupping her breast with the hand that was under her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Tell me when to move more,’ Cassian said, a bit out of breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You can move, it feels good,’ she admitted, and he indulged her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>More and more and more. As he pushed more of his length inside her and then pulled it out with gentle strokes, giving her time to get accustomed to the sensation of being filled, Nesta found herself gasping.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What? Does it hurt? Do I stop?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She shook her head, fighting to keep her eyes open. ’N-No, it’s good, it feels really good. Don’t stop.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Oh, thank fuck,’ he let out a dramatic breath, making her chuckle.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘It’s better from this position,’ she managed to say, right after he began to move again. She dug her nails into his arm when he went in deeper than ever, and he swore loudly. ‘Better angle, I guess.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I knew you’d like it from behind,’ he smirked, then began rubbing her clit in slow motions. ‘Still okay?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nodding, Nesta kissed him once before urging him to pick up the pace. He didn’t need to be told twice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The more he moved in and out of her, his fingers working her clit, Nesta’s moans echoed in the entire apartment. She gasped and panted and swore at each careful yet deep thrust, hitting a sweet spot each time he went in fully. She could barely concentrate on his own noises of pleasure, but when she opened her eyes and beheld his blissful face, looking like he was in a trance, bit her lip as hard as she could.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>God, it felt good. More than good. The sensation of unease vanished as he thrusted in and out of her, faster and faster, taking her moans as a form of encouragement. And it was all so intense, his fingers still rubbing her, his lips on her neck and then how he gently bit it while daring to pound harder into her, hard enough that tears welled in the corners of her eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Too hard?’ he asked between gritted teeth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘No, fuck no, don’t stop, please,’ she begged, moving down on his cock, craving more of him, craving <em>everything</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You feel so good around me, fucking hell,’ he said between laboured breaths. ‘I’ve never felt pleasure like this.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Then take it,’ she whispered, nails still digging into his skin. ‘Just don’t stop, I want more.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian moved the strands of hair that stuck to her sweaty forehead, kissing her bruised lips. ‘Oh, we’re just getting started, sweetheart.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It became all too clear to her that Cassian wasn’t joking when he’d said that. He thrusted into her deep and hard while leaving kisses wherever his lips could reach, enticing moans from her mouths, whispering to her how perfect she was and how good she was doing. Nesta had trouble registering <em>all</em> of it — there was so much pleasure everywhere, her whole body was electrified, burning with it, and her moans turned into cries of pleasure as he gave it to her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She barely had times to register when his hands gripped her waist and hoisted her up, managing to keep his cock inside her while she straddled him. Nesta bit her hand and threw her head back as she lowered herself on his wet cock, taking him all in.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Fuck, I could die like this,’ she’d heard him say, his hands keeping her there. ‘You look absolutely breathtaking like this.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Oh, he looked even better; his hair was a wild mess, and his torso was glistening with sweat, dripping down his abs that she wouldn’t stop touching. As she tried to raise herself and push down on his cock again, Nesta found it to be harder than she expected. Frowning, she tried again, but it didn’t have the same effect as when he did it, and she had to raise herself too much to even get most of it out and then back in again; Nesta had to do it just a couple of times to get exhausted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Having any difficulties?’ he asked, his familiar smirk returning to his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Don’t mock me, I need help,’ she admitted, her ego deflating a bit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian moved his hand atop hers, squeezing it. ‘I’d never mock you. Let me show you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He drew her hips forward, then backward, his cock hitting the same sweet spot that made her lose sight of everything else.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You can set the pace and control how deep you go from this position,’ he said, head thrown back from pleasure. ‘Plus, I wanted you to ride me from the day I met you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘And you still claim you’re not a pervert,’ she laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After she successfully repeated what Cassian showed her, he squeezed her ass, keeping his eyes trained on where their bodies were joined. ‘I don’t think I’ll get tired of seeing you like this anytime soon. You sure you’re okay? Nothing hurts anymore?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta nodded once, continuing to move. ‘Nothing hurts.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Tell me if you get tired,’ he said, right as she picked up the pace. The words he said next were so vulgar that it made her blood boil.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Have a little faith in me.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As Nesta rode him, she tried her best to not fall apart from the pleasure. It was harder than it seemed; trying to keep her balance and keep his cock inside her. Cassian, thankfully, helped her out as much as he could, steadying her every time she swayed and thrusting his hips up to plunge deeper into her. She leaned forward as she moved faster, ignoring the strain in her thighs; it was so, so good, being filled by Cassian, hearing his moans and curses, looking at his lustful face… Every time he squeezed her a little too hard or pounded her even deeper, Nesta thought she was going to cum right then and there. When her fingers found their way between her legs and began playing with herself, Cassian cursed under his breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Do you want to cum, love?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She had enough sense of self to nod just once, desperately moving up and down his cock, but it didn’t feel enough like this; no, she wanted him to move in and out, to do it faster and harder, to drive her absolutely mad with lust…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I… I c-can’t… Fuck, please, fuck me, Cass,’ she whined, and Cassian didn’t hesitate.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He pushed her down on her back while setting her legs on his shoulders, and pounded mercilessly into her quivering pussy. Nesta arched her back, crying out in pleasure, mumbling incoherent words as he squeezed her legs close together and thrusted in and out, hitting harder and deeper than she could, whispering sweet nothings and dirty words that made her heart leap.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now she knew why everyone was addicted to sex. It awoke a part of her that she didn’t even think she possessed; it was primal and intense and full of ardour. When he spread her shaking legs and rubbed her clit, Nesta felt that all too-familiar burning pressure in her lower stomach, threatening to explode any second now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a shaking hand, Nesta gripped Cassian’s arm, trying hard to find her voice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’m… I’m going to cum, oh God, keep going,’ she managed to say.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Come for me, sweetheart,’ he encouraged her, moving faster. ‘Come all over my cock.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A couple of strokes after, Nesta shattered all over him, arching her back and crying out as tears rushed down her cheeks. She whimpered as he continued to move, fingers still rubbing her deftly, and when he also cried out, making her whole body ignite, Nesta knew he’d also found his pleasure.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He rode it out for a couple more strokes, and when he carefully pulled out of her, Nesta swore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Are you okay? Did I go too fast?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She shook her head, finding enough strength to pull him down next to her. ‘No, no, it was perfect. I have a feeling I’m going to be sore as fuck tomorrow.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian ran a hand through her damp hair, peppering her face with kisses. ‘I’m sorry, I’ll run you a bath in a bit. God, that was extraordinary. We should’ve recorded it, it would’ve definitely received an award.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta slapped his arm. ‘Do you think I want to hear myself moan on repeat?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I certainly do,’ he laughed. ‘I’d make it my ringtone.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta joined his laugh. ‘I’d smash your phone. Now, how about that bath?’</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>They fell asleep around sunrise. And they didn’t even fall asleep on the bed; no, they had to doze off right on the living room rug after eating ice cream, in nothing but their underwear. Cassian woke around 10 p.m., cold and confused, and found Nesta clinging to him, her face partially covered by her long hair and snoring softly. His heart warmed instantly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Careful not to wake Nesta, Cassian disentangled from her and picked her up as gently as he could, heading for his bedroom. Despite sleeping on the floor, her skin was flushed and hot under his touch, and she didn’t budge once; she must’ve been really tired.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he set her on the bed and pulled the covers over her, Nesta opened her eyes just a tiny bit, looking around the room, then landing on him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Where are you going?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’m not going anywhere, love, I just moved you here. We fell asleep downstairs.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Oh,’ was all she said, then moved to make space for him — even though there was plenty of space. ‘Come here.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her voice was sleepy and she could barely keep her eyes open, but did her best to as Cassian laid down next to her, moving his arm under her head as she nestled into his side. He kissed the top of her head, stroking her back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Are you cold? Do you want something to wear?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She shook her head, burying her head in the crook of his neck. Her hot breath sent shivers down his spine, and he wanted nothing more than to stare at her face, to trace her features and marvel at her existence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Go to sleep, stop staring at me,’ she mumbled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian couldn’t help but grin. ‘How did you know I was staring?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Your heart is beating awfully fast,’ she said, tapping his chest, where her palm was resting. ‘You can stare at me when we go out to have lunch. Probably dinner, because I don’t plan on waking up too soon. I won’t even fight you on paying.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He fake-gasped. ‘Did I hear you right? This is a proper reason to celebrate.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Can I sleep over as well?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian would’ve lied if he said that he wasn’t on cloud nine right now. Part of him wanted to ask her to move in already, but this was probably a bad moment to ask; and too soon, perhaps.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Why would you even ask me that? Of course you can. We can have a Lord of the Rings marathon.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At that, Nesta squeezed him harder. ‘Keep saying things like that and I’ll move in before you know it.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian looked at the ceiling and thanked whatever divine beings brought this woman in his life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I’d consider that an early birthday gift.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I love you,’ she whispered, finally settling.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I love you, too, sweetheart.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta fell asleep not long after that, but Cassian’s body was still very much awake, every part of him remembering her touches, her skin on top of his, her expression of pleasure and delicious moans. Part of him thought that it had all been a dream — that he made it all up, but there was no way to replicate such pleasure on his own. It was still reverberating in his body, like a half faded echo.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Even thinking about it made him hard again, so he tried to subside his arousal. He was certain he fucked it up from the beginning — seeing her in pain was not how he planned it to go down. He swore to himself that it would be the only time when he’d cause her any sort of pain or discomfort, and was so, so relieved when she wanted to try again and that pain shifted into pleasure, because her pleasure was his pleasure.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She had been exquisite. It was almost surreal, how she felt around his cock, how she gasped in surprise each time he went in deeper, harder, barely containing her cries as he succumbed himself into her. And when she rode him, unsure yet desperate for that pleasure that he somehow managed to give her, Cassian tried hard not to cum from just <em>that</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As he drifted off to sleep, legs and arms intertwined, Cassian couldn’t wipe his dumb smile off his face; he couldn’t wait to try out more things with her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They had all the time in the world, after all.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Are you ready? Let’s go!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta sighed as she finished braiding her hair, then put on her t-shirt — well, Cassian’s t-shirt that she meticulously tucked inside her jeans — and went downstairs, where Cassian was waiting by the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What’s the hurry? It barely took me twenty minutes to get ready!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian eyed her unusual attire — she’d rarely go out looking so… casual — and grinned. ‘You look good in my clothes. Damn, I have such good taste.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And they also smelled really good, but she wasn’t going to give him even more satisfaction. ‘Don’t gloat, my shirt was dirty. Also, I had to borrow a pair of your boxers because I kind of… bled through mine.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She shifted on her legs, feeling a bit embarrassed. More than a bit, actually.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘So we should probably stop by my place so I can pick up a few things.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Are you on your period?’ he asked, unfazed. ‘Do you need tampons, or pads?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She shook her head, fidgeting. ’No, I’m supposed to get it in two weeks. I think it’s because of last night.’ When his eyes widened, obviously worried, she waved a hand. ‘Don’t worry, it happens to some girls. I know it happened to Elain when she first had sex, but not to Feyre, so a bit of blood isn’t uncommon.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Are you in pain? Do you need to see a doctor?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She shook her head again, smiling a bit. ‘Don’t be silly, I’m not haemorrhaging. I’m a bit sore, but it should stop in a few hours. Sorry if I stained anything.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He rolled his eyes. ‘I’m far from squeamish when it comes to blood. I’m sorry, though.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wrapped his arms around her, leaning down for a kiss.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Don’t be. I’m not.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He smiled, bumping their noses together. ‘You’re sure you don’t need to go to a drugstore at least?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Very sure. Can we go? I’m famished.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He nodded, taking her hand as they made for the door. Before he could open it, his phone rang. Nesta saw Rhysand’s name on the screen when he took it out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Sorry, give me a minute, he’ll call me until I answer,’ he complained right before he picked up. ‘Yes? We were just about to go out to have dinner. What do you mean ‘what dinner’? Rhys, get to the damn point already, you’re wasting my battery.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta bit her lip in an attempt not to laugh while Cassian looked exasperated. She could hear Rhys asking random question.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Wait, wait, slow down, what do you mean we can’t go out again?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta’s grin faded bit by bit as Cassian locked eyes with her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘They’re reinstating the quarantine? <em>Again? </em>No, Rhys, I don’t watch the damn news! Wait, did you say they won the game last night?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta elbowed him in the ribs, making him wince. ‘Yeah, she’s here. She doesn’t look too happy. I think I need to hang up.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Did I hear right? We’re under quarantine again?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian nodded, tucking his phone back in his pocket. ‘All the places are already closed, so it seems like we can’t go to any restaurants. Rhys said it’s for at least another two weeks.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two… Two weeks. Two more weeks of staying cooped up inside, binge-watching TV series and getting fatter and fatter. Perhaps she’d find the motivation to do one of those workout challenges she kept seeing on Instagram — Chloe Ting became a true icon of health during these perilous times. And cooking; she’d have to cook every damn day, because almost no one delivered food anymore. Everything was closed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But as she looked up at Cassian, who was obviously trying to read her mood, an idea popped into her brain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Can I sleep over for two weeks instead of one night?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I thought you’d never ask,’ he grinned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yes, that would work. She could stay here, where there was a freaking pool, and Cassian was definitely a better cook than she was. And with him, there wouldn’t be a day of boredom, that was certain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘We still need to go to my place to pick up some stuff. I need books and clothes. There may be police cars on the main streets, so we should avoid those.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You’re willing to sneak past the police for some books? Wow, you really are a nerd,’ he laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta opened the door, still holding his hand. Her previous dread was slowly being replaced by hope; and excitement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another two weeks with Cassian — this would either drive her mad or make her fall more in love with him. Knowing him, probably both,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Books are essential in my life. As are movie marathons, which is why we’ll be watching numerous movie franchises in the next two weeks. We can start with Lord of the Rings, and then The Hobbit, Star Wars, Alien, X-Men, Mad Max, Marvel… You’ll probably kick me out by the end of the week.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After locking the door, Cassian drew her close enough for a lingering kiss that made her toes curl in her shoes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Quite the opposite, I’ll ask you to move in by the end of those two weeks, so you better act surprised when I do.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta laughed, circling her arms around his throat. ‘Are you looking for a reason to break up with me? So soon? Because I <em>will</em> drive you mad.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The adoration and excitement in his eyes were a perfect match to what she was feeling in that moment; and Nesta swore that her heart had never been so full.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Again, quite the opposite, but pretend to be surprised when I’ll ask you that as well. Come on, let’s go to your place and stop to buy some food. I’ll cook something while you put on the movies. Oh, we should build a fort! I know the perfect spot where…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nesta listened to his ramblings as they waited for the elevator, getting more and more excited by the minute.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Good things did come out of bad situations, and she realised that the wait was worth it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cassian was worth all of it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Done, done, done!<br/>Wow, what a ride this has been. I can't wait to turn back to this and re-read every chapter and pretend that it's canon.<br/>Thank you to everyone who read this and patiently waited for me to get my shit together and finish it. As cheesy as it sounds, your feedback pushed me to write more than I had in months, and it gave me a reason to get out of bed and actually look forward to it. I'd write these chapters until 5 or 6 a.m., and I'd go to bed excited to wake up and finish what I'd started.<br/>So, again, thank you for reading my work. It means a lot. </p>
<p>P.S: In the meantime I wrote another Nessian fanfic, this time where Nesta gets pregnant. I should publish the first chapter in the next couple of days (I wanted to re-read all of them first), so give it a look if you're bored and pining after a fictional couple, just like me!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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